The Opening of Misty Beethoven

I must admit that I gave this movie a 10 partly because I was relatively young and was seeing my first 'porno flick'. In the many years since then, I have seen many of both good and bad quality.

But this particular one has always held a special place in my soul. The dialogue was actually decent, the visual effects were absolutely stunning and there was a good humor that came through from everyone involved.

I'd love to see it again!

When the filmmaker in Paul Thomas Anderson's BOOGIE NIGHTS waxes elegiac about what porn could have been--a porn movie that's a real movie--THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN is what he's talking about. Directed by Radley Metzger under the nom de guerre Henry Paris, this remake of "Pygmalion" has some wit, stylish production design, a story, rhythm, characters, and, if you can believe it, some not at all bad acting. Nothing else--not even Metzger/Paris' big-selling BARBARA BROADCAST--ever equaled it. See it, laugh, and mourn for what could have been.

Jack Horner, Burt Reynolds' character in Boogie Nights, was determined to make "a real movie." This is probably what it would have looked like, right down to the mid '70s production quality and costumes. No one should be ashamed to admit they've watched it. It is a witty, intelligent comedy that just happens to be a porn film. Watch the exchange between Jamie Gillis and the flight attendant for proof of this. It's just as funny as anything in an early Woody Allen film. And the "swindle singing" that was featured prominently in Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid and Allen's Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Sex gets a real workout here. And dare I say that this is a really good "date flick," of course after you've been dating for a while. I remember this movie playing in Northern Virginia for 12 years, from 1976 or so to 1988. Had video stores not flourished in the late '80s, I would be willing to bet that it would still be playing. It definitely has staying power, and the dated quality of the film just adds to the appeal.

I am cleaning my porn collection, throwing away so many films that have pleased me for years. And then, I come to "The opening of Misty Beethoven ". I take the time to re-watch it for the umpteenth time. and the magic still works. Kuzos for the scenario ( for instance,how brilliant to start it all in gay Paris ); for the acting of this unique porn male actor, Jamie Gillis, superb here as he may never be; for the presence of lovely Jacqueline Beaudant, so credible in her ecstasies; and, last but not least, the magnificent Constance Money, the unique Misty, the gorgeous, still frail-looking goddess of this unique production. And what about the music: this haunting beat-rising, savage and tender rhythm accompanying the love scenes (for that is what they are: real lovemaking action, no smut here, no way! ) This movie has to be in a class by itself, suffering no comparison to any other sex-explicit "pellicula". No doubt about it, Henry Pachard has surpassed himself. And " Misty Beethoven will stay here, in my Vidovic among all the others, all types merged, a jewel of its own.

Opening of Misty Beethoven, The (1976)

*** (out of 4)

George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion is the inspiration for this porn film, which has been called the greatest ever by many critics and I'd have to agree. In the film a sexologist (Jamie Gills) picks up Misty Beethoven (Constance Money), a second rate slut who refuses to do anything but straight vaginal sex. With the help of a friend (Jacqueline Beaudant) Misty is taken back to a secret location where she's formed into someone who can perform at a lavish party. Yes, it's MY FAIR LADY porno style and it works. Having gone through many of the "classics" from this golden era of porn I had been led to believe that many of them were well acted, directed and featured good screenplays that would rival the normal movie playing in theaters at the time. This turned out to be wrong as most were better than your typical bump 'n grind flick but nothing else. This film, however, is actually good enough to where it could compete with a mainstream film. Not only do we get some good acting and directing but the screenplay is extremely smart as well. We get some very funny dialogue and the film is smart enough to even take a few pot shots at the people who would sit in a theater just to watch porn. There's a very funny sequence early on with Misty having to serve Napoleon in a theater and the people inside this place make for a few good laughs as well. We even get one guy who keeps losing his passion but Misty finally gets him to the bathroom where an elderly woman eventually walks in on them. There are countless scenes here that just work and most of it is due to the wonderful direction by Metzger who would not only helm this porn movie but countless mainstream flicks including the 1978 remake of THE CAT AND THE CANARY. Metzger has a masterful editing style that makes this film look so professional and it adds so much to the jokes. There's a terrific sequence where Misty is trying to learn to pleasure three people at the same time and he edits this against some other stuff going on and it just makes the joke so obvious and clear that you can't help but laugh. We even get some wonderful jokes aimed at stewardess and various types of things you can do or order on a plane. The acting in any porn film or softcore flick has never been better with Money giving a wonderful performance. You can believe her as this snotty, light hooker but we can also believe everything she's going through in terms of changing. Gills is also extremely fun as the know-it-all who must teach Misty what to do and when. The two have some wonderful chemistry together and how often do you say that in a porn flick? Even the supporting players handle their parts extremely well. Even though this film has a lot of plot it also features the most sex from any of these films from the period. I was surprised to see how much sex there was here but that wasn't a bad thing because it either worked as comedy or was very erotic in how it was shot. Typically I don't buy into reputations as I often find myself disagreeing to a certain extent but I think the reputation of this film is right on the mark. It's smart, sexy, witty and just downright fun to watch so it being called the best porn flick is probably true but it's certainly recommend.