Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park

KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

BOMB (out of 4)

The rock band KISS (Peter Criss, Ace Frehley, Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley) are about to do a concert at an amusement park but a mad scientist (Anthony Zerbe), who lives under the park, has created some weird robot-zombies who are going to kill all the fans. This made-for-TV flick has the reputation of being one of the worst movies ever made and it pretty much lives up to that label. I wasn't expecting too much but considering you've got a legendary band and a director who has made a few good films in his career, the train wreck that is this film is rather shocking. I'm not even sure where to start but I guess you can begin with the god-awful story that never really makes any sense as it's never too clear why this scientist hates the band. This film really seems like it was just shot on the fly because there are so many mistakes in the story that one really questions what anyone was thinking when they screamed action. Another problem, outside the screenplay mistakes, is that there are countless mistakes in the movie that make this seem like you're watching an Ed Wood film. Take the monsters for example. We have a werewolf and Frankenstein's monster but they're all obviously wearing fake looking Halloween masks and a couple of them look straight out of the film ORGY OF THE DEAD. Another major mistake is that there are countless action scenes where people get thrown around yet there's never any attempt to hide the strings and ropes that are pulling and yanking the people. The first time I saw the strings I was thinking it was just a simple mistake but it kept happening over and over to the point where I wondered what the heck anyone was doing. Another funny good if that Ace Frehley's stunt double was a black guy and it's not too hard to tell when he's on screen as they do very little to hide the fact that we've got two different color men playing the same part. I know this movie was meant for kids but that's really no excuse for how bad this thing is. Fans of bad cinema need to put this at the top of their viewing list because I'm hard pressed to think of films with more errors and goofs. It's really hard to imagine what was going on in the minds of not only the director but even the four band members. Many have accused them of being willing to make a buck for anything and I think this film proves that. All four are horrible actors but I guess it's not fair to judge the performances too bad since it's doubtful any of them were trying that hard. Zerbe has appeared in films such as COOL HAND Luke and THE OMEGA MAN and he seems to have no problem embarrassing himself. We do get some "classic" rock numbers like Rock and Roll All Night and Beth but it's hard to sit through 96-minutes just for them. If you're not a fan of KISS I can't imagine you enjoying anything here. If you're lukewarm on the band then the badness will probably have you hitting the stop button. I think the only folks who could get any sort of entertainment out of this would have to be those who need to see every bad movie ever made.

If you are looking for monstrous special effects (even by 1970's standards), this is not the film for you...

If you are a KISS fan, it is definitely worth a watching. Especially if you are a classic KISS fan.

Brief synopsis: KISS is about to play for an amusement park. The brains behind this park (Abner Deveraux played by Anthony Zerbe) grows resentful that a rock-n-roll band is overshadowing the technical expertise that he created at this park. He vows all-out war against the band using his creations to attack the band members. And their secret talisman which gives them powers.

BTW, Gene Simmons does most of his own stunts, probably preparing himself for a future theatrical career (which he did, in the 1980's). Peter Criss's lines are dubbed in by a voice guy from Hanna Barbera. Strange how Peter Criss sounds the same as Dirk Daring from G-Force.

Anthony Zerbe does a great job in acting as the villain in this one. His best IMHO is in North and South as General Grant.

Ok, this is not an epic adventure that got critical acclaim, yet after a few beers, it is good entertainment.

I'm going to assume that you, the reader, have already been privileged enough to view this masterpiece. Most likely, like most of the world's population, you have seen it multiple times and probably own your own copy, as I do. I will also go out on a limb and assume that you are aware of Gene Simmons' acting chops. They speak for themselves. Here we see a master thespian at the peak of his craft, eliciting emotions and feelings as only one as trained and skilled as he can do. Assuming you already know these things, I will spare you intricate plot details and my hypothesis on all of the metaphors and double-entendres that exist in this cinematic celluloid achievement. What we've got here is a cultural landmark the likes of which may not be fully understood for centuries to come. Like "Riding With Death" and Steven Speilberg's "2001: A Space Odyssey" before it, "KISS Meets a Phantom in a Park (1978) (TV)" asks questions of the mind, heart, body and soul. Where Speilberg failed, George Lucas succeeds with this film, his directorial debut. And what a stellar debut it is. Originally titled "KISS in Attack of the Phantom", Lucas wisely retitled the film due to his imminent release 20 years later of the similarly titled films "Attack of the Clones" and "The Phantom Menace". Whatever title he chose, "KISS Meets the Phantom in a Park (1978) (TV)" surpasses those two films by leaps and bounds, and indeed is even vastly superior to the 1982 original "Star Wars". Though released in (1978) for (TV), the special effects and brilliant stunt work were far ahead of their time and truly belonged on the big screen. Only with `The Star Wars Holiday Special' and perhaps "Corvette Summer" would Lucas come close to the greatness he ultimately captured in "KISS in KISS Meets a Phantom in a Park Who Attacks Them (1978) (TV)". Sadly, he would never approach that level of mastery again, though some (myself included) would argue that his Executive Producer credit on "Glitter" should have earned him an Oscar. To sum up, an overall brilliant film, utterly bereft of flaws. A timeless and intriguing piece of work that to this day does not fail to frighten, educate, thrill, and provoke thought. This is the quintessential Rock and/or Roll film that writer/director/star Kevin Costner tried to bring to fruition in his half-baked, ill-fated, ill-received 1984 film `Pink Floyd: The Wall'. Costner failed, and failed miserably. Of course he would go on to make some of the best short films of all time, including `Waterworld' and `The Postman', but neither he, nor anyone else would ever attempt again to match the glory, mystique and power of the film that is `KISS Star in a Phantom Meeting In The Park (TV) (1978)'.

With tunes like "I Stole Your Love" and "Shout It Out Loud". This movie leaves no stone unturned for Kiss fans. It's so period, so dated, yet completely fun (especially if you're a nostalgia freak). Yet another one of those films where technically the acting stinks, the script is lame and the set is an amusement park but you just have to watch it once or twice or again and again. Choice is yours! (but I'd check it out:) As a Kiss fan I have no choice but to stick it a 10.

Consider this: In 1978 Wonder Woman was a fairly decent sized hit TV series. Cheese and camp were in. KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park originally was planned (and scripted) as "Star Wars meets A Hard Day's Night." Unfortunately, the network censors decided that it was too violent and too serious for all the kids that would likely be watching, so the script was toned down. After 3 or 4 re-writes the script hardly resembled that which the band and their management agreed to, but they had already signed their contracts, so...

Out came KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park to TV screens in the Fall of 1978. It was bad, unintentionally funny in spots, and yet - it was still kind of cool if you "got it." The idea of KISS as superheroes was a natural, and, in fact, it followed the two Marvel Comics KISS special issues from 1977 & 1978 - including the idea of where they got their powers. There are some ideas in the story that if fleshed out and written well could have made for a good TV movie. Unfortunately Hanna Barbera was running the show, and turned it into a live action cartoon - with the approval (and outright urging) of NBC. The band so hated the script that even Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons - the guys in the band with good work ethic and aspirations of becoming serious Hollywood actors someday - didn't bother to study their lines. They just had their lines barked out to them and repeated them for each take. Peter Criss, as has been noted many times, didn't even bother to show up for the "looping," or overdubbing of his voice to fix the spots where the audio recording wasn't up to par (and had his voice replaced by a cartoon voice actor throughout the film as a result). Ace Frehley also seems disinterested for most of the movie (and as he was, and still is, a big Science Fiction fan that shows just how unhappy he was with the script - and the film-making process in general).

Anthony Zerbe and Carmine Caridi, however, do their best to salvage something out of this mess. They give solid, fairly believable performances despite dialog that is often cheesy, and despite their characters being written as cardboard cut-outs rather than 3 dimensional people. Kudos to them, they clearly were (and still are) professionals.

The highlights of the movie end up being the music and the cheesy fight scenes - and maybe the interplay between Zerbe's Abner Deveraux and Caridi's Calvin Richards. KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park can be fun to watch IF you go into it expecting a cheesy 70's superhero camp movie. If that's all you expect, then it meets and exceeds those expectations. It's a great bit of nostalgia as well.

KISS survived this movie, but just barely. A year later they had a huge hit with their Dynasty album, but then saw Peter Criss leave the band, with Ace Frehley following suit a couple of years later. They saw their fortunes fade for a few years (despite the introduction of the late, great Eric Carr on drums in 1980) before their career revival minus the make-up with albums like Lick It Up, Animalize, Asylum, and Revenge. In 1996 the original group got back together for a wildly successful reunion that lasted for 5 years. Once again, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley proved to be too unstable and erratic to continue in the band, and they each ended up leaving KISS (or being asked to leave) for a second time. Despite a "Farewell Tour" in 2000-2001 KISS still continues today, and they still hate this movie. But like a veteran telling war stories, they still tell the tale of making this movie, and of how a great idea was turned into something profoundly stupid yet still strangely compelling.