Terror on Tour

"Terror on Tour" is a lousy, putrid and terribly annoying attempt at occult slasher/Rocksploitation movie from the director of the infamous first two "Ilsa" flicks; - namely "She-Wolf of the SS" and "Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks". I've seen copious amounts of 80's slashers already and there are definitely more bad ones than good ones, but "Terror on Tour" is absolute bottom-of-the-barrel unendurable guff. The film lacks anything that remotely resembles a screenplay, the killings are dull and monotonous, the decors and cinematography are ugly, the acting performances are embarrassing and even the numerous topless girls flaunting in front of the cameras are irritating. A couple of losers form a rock band together, called The Clowns, and before as well as during and after every gig the concert hall transforms into one giant orgy with drugs, horny groupies and on-stage violence. Their looks are inspired by KISS and every band member is disguised, so we can't tell which clown is responsible for the gruesome knife- killings that are occurring after their concerts. The band members remain uninterested and unworried, even when more and more groupie-corpses are piling up around them, so why should us viewers wonder who's committing the murders? The killer is probably a very angry Gene Simmons because he didn't give permission to imitate his facial make-up. There, case closed! Most of the killing sequences in early 80's slasher movies are extremely misogynic and sexist, but the chicks in "Terror on Tour" truly deserve what's coming to them… They literally just throw their naked selves to any musician with a mask and paint on his hideous face, and then they look surprised when a knife is planted deep in their A-cup sized chests. This dud definitely earns a spot in my bottom 5 worst 80's slasher list, next to other hopeless titles such as "Blood Lake", "The Stay Awake", "Appointment with Fear", "Hollow Gate" and "Sledgehammer".

My review was written after watching a Media Home Entertainment video cassette.

Made in 1980, "Terror on Tour" is a theatrically unreleased stab and slash feature film currently available to home video users. Uninvolving programmer has little to offer horror addicts.

Premise has a hard-rock group the Clowns (wearing makeup reminiscent of Kiss) doing a Grand Guignol-style live act (similar to such trendsetters as Alice Cooper), caught up in a murder investigation when someone wearing their makeups starts stabbing girls for real. The victims are prostitutes, and script rather tediously keeps hammering away at the relationship between drugs, rock music and violence. Filmmakers even have the temerity to end on a note imploring the audience to stop displaying its enthusiasm for violent, "sick" entertainment.

Belying its ile, low-budget feature has no tour, with barely any exterior scenes and the group rooted in one spot. Only a handful of extras appear in the concert footage. Performing is dull, though lovely Lisa Rodriquez has a nice little role as a prostie working undercover for the police. Identity of the killer is obvious early on by the process of elimination.

Biggest surprise is absence of extreme gore, since "Tour" was directed by Don Edmonds, whose two "Ilsa" gore spectaculars of a decade ago have become cult favorites. He may have cleaned up his act, but the result is a failure to meet the minimum requirements of the exploitation genre.

This movie was hard for me to watch without falling asleep, but I stayed awake for me to reveil how this movie was. There was little suspense, you knew what this movie was about from beginning to end. just another slasher/mystery movie that had little to watch out for and little enthusiasm in the film. This movie is a tale about a KISS look alike rock group called The Clowns (what a name) that basically goes and lives the fantasy of every rock musician (girls, beer, lame music and no backbone). But this movie tells about the mysterious killer from the beginning of the movie so it leaves little suspense for the viewer to look for. This movie is one of the most lame movies of the 80's when lame rock movies started coming out. I give this one a 3.

I'm a fan of 80's metal. I'm a fan of 80's horror movies. Put the two together, and what do you get? Well, if you're lucky, ROCKTOBER BLOOD (1984). Or you might get TERROR ON TOUR (1980), but that's not too shabby.

The Clowns are a rock band who wear clown make-up and half a clown mask across the right side of their faces. Someone sporting their concert get-up is murdering prostitutes and various groupies at their concerts. Who could it be? TERROR ON TOUR certainly isn't for everyone. The acting isn't great, the killer is goofy, the identity of the killer is obvious, and it's pretty sleazy to boot. But, being the die-hard slasher fan that I am, I really enjoyed it. Sure, it's not as good as ROCKTOBER BLOOD, but what can you do.

The acting wasn't TOO bad; it was more tolerable than anything. The people who played The Clowns were a real band called The Names, so you have to at least give them credit for trying.

The kills aren't too bloody or even original (it's all stabbing with a large knife), but they (mostly) come rapid fire and I'm in a forgiving mood, so I'll let it slide. The killer's identity is obvious (any four-year old who's seen more than one episode of Scooby-Doo can guess it), and his motive is really, really stupid.

On the rock scale, I'd say it gets a decent 3/4 mannequin be-headings. There are a lot of catchy rock songs, but none of them are very memorable. The runtime was short, but I never felt that it was boring; just a little repetitive.

Anyway, TERROR ON TOUR was a treat for an undemanding eighties slasher fanatic like myself. So if you're in the mood for a little rock and slashing and your VHS of ROCKTOBER BLOOD just broke, check this out.

There is absolutely nothing redeeming or interesting about this film. There are no moments even worth mentioning and there were no characters that were the least bit intriguing. It was all shot in the dark and everything was shadowed. Every scene is dark and most of the time you can't even tell who is talking because it's so shadowed you can't see their mouth. The premise of the movie is idiotic. Like that idea hasn't been done a million times before.

Question: why is it that movies that wish to involve attractive women always resort to killing them because of their "morals." Every movie you see with "hot chicks" that are murdered always ends up being because they were thought to be loose women that didn't deserve to live. There's some white guy who thinks these women should die - kind of like that real life case that we just learned about of the guy who killed prostitutes after he had sex with them. This guy murdered over 50 women in real life. Horror movies caught on to this idea way before this guy was busted. Why is this? Is it because we really think this in society? I'm serious, this is not the only movie that does this, there are TONS. I just don't get it. Or is that the only excuse the writers can some up with that enables the viewer to see the ladies topless. After all, any woman that takes off her shirt has got to be immoral and a whore, right? Any woman that is pretty deserves to die, right?

Anyway, despite my obvious disapproval from this rant, the movie sucked even more than that. The music was generic and horrible, the Clowns' outfits weren't the least bit sexy, the characters didn't have anything unique about them, the movie moved really slowly and I found it hard to believe any word that came out of any character's mouth because either I couldn't see which character was even saying it, or because no one talks like that. The writing was bad and the acting was bad. Bad bad bad bad.

1/10. If I could have given it a 0, I would have.