Artemis 81

This is the most excruciating, teeth-grindingly slow and incomprehensible piece of television I have ever sat through. It is almost unbelievable that this once received over three hours of Christmas prime-time terrestrial television programming. If anyone out there has seen this and can tell me anything about what was going on at virtually any moment of the proceedings after the author's van blows up, can they please e mail me and enlighten accordingly. I felt that this could have been at least an hour shorter but perhaps the extreme length was part of the makers intention. Certainly there are many striking images and memorable lines of dialogue but I found the pace to be impossible to bear at one sitting. Nevertheless, a very brave piece.

Almost forty years ago, I lost three hours of my life watching, and trying to make sense of, this film. I still don't really know what it is about even today, when helpful people have written explanations and put them on the Internet.

My main memory is of Gordon Sumner aka Sting, standing on an obviously freezing beach wearing a bathrobe, stating "I am not uncomfortable, I am not of this world", his nose pink with cold.

By all means watch this film, but please don't expect to make any sense of it.

I liked this film. It's got it all, inter-dimensional(or planetary?..you decide)travel, unrequited homosexual love, heterosexual love, journeys of self awakening, the apocalypse, great music played by weird organists with a devilish pact, oh and of course Sting as the good angel(spirit) Helith. The basic gist of the story is Helith and the evil Asrael go head to heads after Asrael wakes the Earth spirit Magog from her slumber.Magog represents the destruction of the earth. Helith and Asrael are then charged with influencing man to save or destroy the planet. Gideon Harlax, a writer of the paranormal, stumbles upon a bizarre series of coincidental deaths on a ferry from Denmark and the weirdness begins from here including being transported to another planet, dimension or future Earth..(it's never explained). Dr Albrecht Von Drachenfels is in unwillingly in league with Asrael and the fate of the Earth and mankind rests with a piece of music he must play to herald the apocalypse........yee har!! I Loved the atmosphere of dread that the film portrayed in a nod to the Danish Film industry and at times you feel really uncomfortable and bewildered which is of course how you're supposed to feel as it reflects the confusion and uncertainty that the main character is feeling. It doesn't lead you by the hand like Hollywood films do, so expect to have to think a little( oh the horror!!). Overall enjoyable for sci-fi fans who like apocalyptic themes.Give it a go for the sake of mankind!

"Artemis 81" is a made for TV movie that is three hours in length. This alone is not a problem, but the pacing is glacial and the movie is made with minimal incidental music...and it feels very slow and sterile. It's a shame, as the rather original plot about a battle between good and evil angels is intriguing.

So why did I watch this slow film? Well, it's one of the only movies I haven't seen with Daniel Day-Lewis...though his part is rather small. This is a bit of a suprise, as he's barely in the film at all...and would one day be a multi-Oscar winner.

While I noticed that almost all the reviewers liked this film, I cannot say the same. Its pacing is THAT slow...so slow that I just found myself about to yell at the TV...telling everything to just hurry up! Because of this and a decent story hidden by all this, I wouldn't mind watching a remake....a remake with life to it. Even with Sting playing one of the major characters, I just kept nodding off as I tried to finish the picture.

I first saw this when I was 10 years old and it baffled me. As it's never been repeated or made commercially available I've been waiting ages for a DVD release to see if I can make sense of it. It's a film that deserves a second look, without a doubt - and thankfully the audio commentary with the director and writer explains so much, because without it you'll still be scratching your head and muttering "what the hell was that all about..." In particular, that strange, terrifying Eastern-block country Gideon finds himself in. Fepiz! was the title of DC Thompson's Dandy comic that is seen next to a copy of his own book, and for some reason it's that image that has always stayed with me since '81. Listen to the audio commentary for an explanation of that strange language and the city as a whole. A fine and Fepiz work? Not a masterpiece by any means, verging on the pretentious at times but brave, ambitious and with some disturbing imagery that will remain with you for a long time.