Inseminoid

Some of these actors are mildly famous. Steve Martin's first wife IRL, Victoria Tennant, was in LA Story and All of Me among other things. David Baxt was in Batman(89), Superman(78), AND THE SHINING. Judy Geeson was in every sit-com, sci-fi, and comedy since 1962 (space 1999) But none of this will prepare you for the nonsense and dreamlike sequences that make up this film. There is constant running and screaming and more screaming and running. There's a hedge trimmer space weapon, there's alien babies, there's gore for no reason, there's space (sometimes) outside and sometimes not. Every sound in this film was recorded sometime later. There's cheesy horrible electronic music. Whenever there's gore it's not scary, it's dumb. It's gets so ridiculous, you'll be amazed that you're still watching, even if just to see where these damn alien babies are in this film. I made it to the end but I'm not ever watching it again.

The title caught our attention in the same way as Revenge of The Space-Hitlers, it's a title that says "this could be so bad that it would be entertaining". This is what we found. Low production values, low production costs, bad acting, bad dialogue, bad special effects - we found it hilarious (unlike Boggy Creek II, which was just plain awful)

After the prologue, the opening line is "Hey wait a minute!" as in "what's this strange thing I've found on this strange alien world" - get the idea? It's a classic demonic possession plot, where a nice girl is turned nasty by an alien intelligence, and then people get 'hurt'. This means that there is plenty of blood and pain, and some cracking screaming from Geeson. If Oscars were awarded for screaming, we're of the opinion she should have got a nomination at the very least.

To exemplify the bad dialogue: Woman in peril: "I can't do it!". Man trying to save woman with motivational words: "Can't is a word I don't understand! Come on, you can't give up!"

Also "Unknown energy fields are beyond the reach of this team."

Overall I'd describe this as a poor vehicle for nasty, bloody violence and a bit of sex, which made little sense. However, there is much entertainment in it's dire naffness.

Like a previous contributor, I saw Inseminoid on BBC 1 last Saturday too - but to my eternal shame, I must admit that I actually went out of my way to see it!

Y'see, when I was a spotty teenager way back in the early 80s, I was always intrigued by this movie's premise - aliens! horror! sex! YES!! YES!! YES!! - but was too young to rent it from my local video shop. So when I saw that it was on telly I was ecstatic - twenty years of waiting, over at last!

Well, you know what they say about being careful what you wish for... As everyone's already pointed out, it's sh*te of the highest ordure - 'nuff said.

In answer to the fellow country-man who also endured it on Saturday: as a first (and last) time viewer, obviously I've no idea if it got cut. I imagine the scene that the Beeb would (naturally) be most sensitive about is the 'xeno-rape' scene.

What was shown was a slightly confusing collage of bug-eyed alien leering down at parted thighs (as if seen from the viewpoint of the inseminee), intercut with shots of a crooked leg, behind which you could see a clear plastic tube - the alien's penis? - filled with what looked like meatballs floating in green pea soup. Presumably the tube was being used to penetrate and impregnate the alien's prey.

Does that sound much like the uncut version you saw way back when? As I say, it was pretty confusing and felt like it might have been cut, but given the generally shoddy state of the direction and editing it's hard to tell what's the director's original 'vision' and what's been snipped by the censor's scissors.

Pip-pip, The Hutt

Male and female scientists set up a research lab on a distant planet and encounter a giant, bug-eyed alien monster. It kills several people, rapes Judy Geeson and disappears, but the horrors are just beginning. Geeson becomes a hard-to-kill, hysterical madwoman with super strength who kills for blood to feed the alien's mutant offspring, which she's now carrying.

This Brit ALIEN clone is often inept and entirely contrived, but not completely without entertainment value. FX are mediocre, but it's bloody, fast-paced and there's a great electric score from John Scott. Judy Geeson is excellent in a role that requires a hell of a lot of merciless ranting and screaming.

HORROR PLANET refers to the original U.S. release of the film, which was cut. The title INSEMINOID refers to the uncut, letterboxed DVD and cable version.

Score: 3 out of 10

INSEMINOID

Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (J-D-C Scope)

Sound format: Mono

Whilst exploring a series of caves beneath the surface of Jupiter's moon Xeno, a scientific research team unleashes a long-buried alien creature which impregnates one of the female members of the crew (Judy Geeson). With the subsequent pregnancy developing at an alarming rate, Geeson is compelled to protect her unborn 'children' from scientific scrutiny and begins to massacre her colleagues, one by one...

Responding to the worldwide appetite for overblown space operas established by STAR WARS in 1977, yet remaining true to his roots as a purveyor of exploitation-horror movies (SATAN'S SLAVE, PREY, etc.), British director Norman J. Warren developed the script for INSEMINOID with writers Nick and Gloria Maley, a team of special effects technicians looking for a vehicle in which to showcase their talents. With funding from British and Hong Kong sources, the film went into production at Chislehurst caves (a grim but picturesque location just outside London) shortly after Ridley Scott's ALIEN (1979) wrapped principal photography, though Warren and producer Richard Gordon insist the movie wasn't influenced by Scott's blockbuster in any way.

Unfortunately, INSEMINOID's lofty ambitions are somewhat undermined by its modest £1 million budget, yielding a range of sets, costumes and visual effects which are more reminiscent of "Blake's 7" and "Doctor Who" than STAR WARS, and the cheapskate production values often provoke unintentional laughter. Faced with some fairly amateurish dialogue, most of the cast can't help but sink to the occasion, though Geeson is remarkably good in the leading role, transforming herself from terrified victim to monstrous avenger with scene-stealing glee (unfortunately, she later bad-mouthed the film in no uncertain terms, despite recently admitting she'd never actually seen it!). Stephanie Beacham (SCHIZO, TV's "The Colby's") plays the material with earnest conviction, while Victoria Tennant (THE WINDS OF WAR) makes no impression at all as one of the early victims of Geeson's rampage.

For all its drawbacks, however, the film is fast-moving and eager to please, and benefits enormously from John Metcalfe's expansive scope photography, which Warren uses to evoke a sense of scale at odds with the movie's financial limitations. There's plenty of gory violence on offer, too, though Warren was forced to make a few cosmetic trims to some of the most explicit sequences for censorship reasons in the UK, and it's that version which has prevailed ever since. Sadly, despite the film's modest success (including America, where a slightly truncated print played theatrically under the title HORROR PLANET), the director was unable to finance another venture for several years afterward, and his final film to date, BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987), went straight to video. His long-cherished ambition to remake FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1957) has yet to happen, which is particularly regrettable - the genre has always needed talented mavericks like Warren, now more than ever.