Inseminoid

Like a previous contributor, I saw Inseminoid on BBC 1 last Saturday too - but to my eternal shame, I must admit that I actually went out of my way to see it!

Y'see, when I was a spotty teenager way back in the early 80s, I was always intrigued by this movie's premise - aliens! horror! sex! YES!! YES!! YES!! - but was too young to rent it from my local video shop. So when I saw that it was on telly I was ecstatic - twenty years of waiting, over at last!

Well, you know what they say about being careful what you wish for... As everyone's already pointed out, it's sh*te of the highest ordure - 'nuff said.

In answer to the fellow country-man who also endured it on Saturday: as a first (and last) time viewer, obviously I've no idea if it got cut. I imagine the scene that the Beeb would (naturally) be most sensitive about is the 'xeno-rape' scene.

What was shown was a slightly confusing collage of bug-eyed alien leering down at parted thighs (as if seen from the viewpoint of the inseminee), intercut with shots of a crooked leg, behind which you could see a clear plastic tube - the alien's penis? - filled with what looked like meatballs floating in green pea soup. Presumably the tube was being used to penetrate and impregnate the alien's prey.

Does that sound much like the uncut version you saw way back when? As I say, it was pretty confusing and felt like it might have been cut, but given the generally shoddy state of the direction and editing it's hard to tell what's the director's original 'vision' and what's been snipped by the censor's scissors.

Pip-pip, The Hutt

Shot on a rather low budget, Inseminoid aka Horror Planet is still more entertaining than many sci-fi shows and movies mass produced these days - this little production rides a little on the wave of Alien and mixes elements of horror and sci-fi adventure. For sure this is not a masterpiece, but if you are in the mood for some cheesy 80s B-movie of the sub genre of horror sci-fi, this one will provide some entertaining (and silly fun) moments indeed. This one is recommended if you dig B-movies like Lifeforce, Galaxy of Terror, Forbidden World, Planet of the Vampires, Species and Virus also comes to mind.

A friend bought me the DVD of Inseminoid knowing I like bad SF films. Boy did he hit the mark with this piece of sh!t. Thanks Mike.

Another of the countless Alien inspired ripoffs with any attempts at any Science Fiction elements soon abandoned after a few wafflings about crystals with "unknown energy fields" and the planet having twin suns. Soon the usual assorted crew members of the archaeological expedition are getting needlessly separated, doing stupid things like walking backwards down dark corridors, and generally doing everything they can to get eaten.

When the highlight of the movie is someone attempting to cut off their own foot with a hedge-trimmer (and just exactly why an exo-archaeologist is wandering around an alien cave system carrying a hedge-trimmer is never explained) you know you are in trouble.

There are many bad movie moments in this film. (Including a couple of classically bad fights with actors 'punches' missing each other by yards.)

Stephanie Beacham is the best thing in this movie and acts everyone else off the screen by doing as little as possible in the hope that no one notices her. And I got so bored staring down Judy Geeson's mouth as she screams, moans, mugs, and grimaces her way through her part that I started to count her fillings. I mean how bad does a movie have to get before you find the lead's dentistry the most interesting thing on the screen? And it never ends! It just goes on and on and on - and the music is AWFUL!!!

Please make it stop!!!!

A Serious Bad Night Out Award of the week this one.

The UK Stonevision DVD release of this film has a very amateur "Documentary" on the director as an 'extra'. It is bad, but more interesting and better than the movie.

Male and female scientists set up a research lab on a distant planet and encounter a giant, bug-eyed alien monster. It kills several people, rapes Judy Geeson and disappears, but the horrors are just beginning. Geeson becomes a hard-to-kill, hysterical madwoman with super strength who kills for blood to feed the alien's mutant offspring, which she's now carrying.

This Brit ALIEN clone is often inept and entirely contrived, but not completely without entertainment value. FX are mediocre, but it's bloody, fast-paced and there's a great electric score from John Scott. Judy Geeson is excellent in a role that requires a hell of a lot of merciless ranting and screaming.

HORROR PLANET refers to the original U.S. release of the film, which was cut. The title INSEMINOID refers to the uncut, letterboxed DVD and cable version.

Score: 3 out of 10

I can see why this movie isn't talk about that much. The story is basically similar to Alien with a group of people goes to a distant planet and one of them gets infected by an alien. It does something different with the alien impregnated someone and that alien can control her to attack her crew. I do think it's a interesting idea, but it's not executed that well. The pacing feels off with either the movie either running slow or fast on how it handles it. It also seems like Sandy can switch back and forth with the alien controlling her which gets complicated to think about. Also, the movie doesn't have a big budget with the production looks low budget with limited setting and the special effects doesn't look good. And I found the acting to be mostly mediocre.

Inseminoid is a poor man version of Alien that isn't enjoyable to watch.