Deathstalker

This movie is packed with everything you would expect in a sword and sorcery film(except explicit sex)!

There are twenty-five breast shots, twenty-seven butt shots, six sword fights, fifteen impalings, two amputations, one arrow in the neck, three beheadings, on horse dragging, one eye-candy, one finger food, one mud wrestle, one pig face, one magical trans sexual operation, two bitch slappings, one crotch stabbing, one head smashing, and one draw and quartering.

It doesn't get much better than this!

The makers of this movie gave absolutely ZERO F**ks, and i respect that. Kill the bad guys, Save the girls, pretty straightforward and fun. Good guy is a blank slate easy to identify with and the bad guy is a good and easy target to hate. lots of random careless nudity and plenty of 'classy' one liners. It's nothing to write home about certainly but those of you who like the 80's metal movies like Conan will love it. pretty basic as far as plot and story line but that's nothing you won't expect from the poster. I think it has great potential as a background movie for any good D&D campaign or reckless party. Epic Metal Movie, get drunk and enjoy

Woosh…! Man… What can I say...?

The opening-scene, maybe? We see a bunch of mongoloid-barbarians with bad make-up jump off the walls of some ruins. They sneak around and attack some dude with a scantily clothed captive girl. The dude runs off, the mongoloids follow him and one of them stays behind seemingly to rape the girl, but instead he exposes one of her breasts and kidnaps her. Then, the dude (still on the run) sees a horse and tries to steal it. Suddenly… a blond god-like looking hero with a bad wig appears, saying "That's my horse!". The Mighty Deathstalker just made his appearance. The mongoloids arrive, Deathstalker kills all of them (including the dude) on the tunes of some rather inappropriate Mexicanos western score (this is supposed to be a Swords & Sorcery flick, so what's with the 'arriba-trompettos'?), and then goes up to Captive Girl and exposes both her breasts. He starts to rub them and Captive Girl seems to like it. She starts liking her lips and caressing Deathstalker. Just when they are about to get down to it, this old dude appears, interrupting what could have been the end of a perfect day for Deathstalker (and a possible perfect ending for a short-film).

Now tell me… Isn't that the point where either a feminist would angrily switch off the movie, or any other male viewer would say "This is going to be one hell of a good movie!" The plot is as simple as throwing a kitten from the balcony: Deathstalker must obtain the Sword of Justice and use it to steal the Amulet of Life and the Chalice of Magic from the evil sorcerer Munkar.

Aside from decapitations, dismemberment, random bloodshed, retarded fist fights and embarrassing sword fights, this film also contains a massive amount of t!ts & a$$ shots. I initially wanted to add one extra point to this movie for each gratuitous shot of naked boobies I could count. After 9 points (not even halfway into the movie), I had to give up counting. It was distracting me from the rest of the movie. And the rest of the movie was worth it. Totally crazy stuff. Check out this mutant cat/worm-like creature Munkar has as a pet and which he feeds eyeballs and fingers. And here's an interesting question: What would you do if a man in a woman's body would enter your bedroom and try to kill you with a knife? The answer is simple: You slap him around a bit, take away the knife and then try to rape him. Then you discover that he's actually not a woman, so you throw him out of your bed and tell him to leave your room. It works out well, I tell you. Deathstalker does it too, and the Deathstalker-way, is the right way!

DEATHSTALKER is a wonderful movie, really, as pointed out in other comments. The villains are vile. The women are delicious. There's blood, sex, violence, rape and tasty chicken. There's a completely pointless tournament which just features a bunch of barbarians beating, slashing and hacking the crap out of each other. My favorite weapon used in that tournament was a giant wooden hammer, used to beat a poor contender to bloody pulp. And my favorite contender undoubtedly was that one brute with the Warthog-head (reminiscent of the Gamorrean Guards from RETURN OF THE JEDI). I won't reveal how the movie ends, but just prepare to ravish in delight when I tell you a 4-way dismemberment is thrown into the movie's climax.

And of course, there's a wonderful display of ineptitude throughout the whole movie. See a guy being dragged behind a horse over a dirt road, and the next point-of-view shot shows him being dragged over grass (no road). See that awesome tattoo on the sorcerer's head magically change sides within the same scene (on shot has it on the left side of his head, the other on the right). Well, after all, Munkar is a magician. It's that, or this movie was shot in an alternate universe where things like "continuity" simply don't exist.

As much as I enjoyed this and as much as I am looking forward to the other 3 installments in this series, I do have enough shreds of decency left in me to not let this movie pass. I am prepared, though, to give it the maximum amount of minimal points, just so I could be able to deduct a couple of more points for the possibly inferior sequels to follow. DEATHSTALKER might be a superbly fun, trashy & sleazy CONAN rip-off, it also is an abominable movie.

The man known as Deathstalker (Rick Hill) is asked by an old king to rescue his daughter from the evil wizard Munkar (Bernard Erhard). Deathstalker rejects this plea saying that the days of heroes are over. But when all sword-fighters of the land are called by Munkar to a tournament, he can't resist...

"Deathstalker" picks up all the clichés of fantasy movies, from wizards and princesses to mystical artifacts with great powers, and it adds a whole lot of sex and violence. Actually that happens to a degree that it gets hilariously funny. For example a giant kills a dwarf with several strokes of a heavy war hammer - and only a bit of blood red mud remains. Or the female warrior Kaira (Lana Clarkson) fights topless throughout the film. Go figure. "Deathstalker" goes w-a-y over the top, the ironical music indicates this was probably intended, and the action scenes are at least better directed than those of all the following flicks.

Lana Clarkson became the "Barbarian Queen". Screenplay writer Howard Cohen went on to script "Barbarian Queen" and "Deathstalker 3". Rick Hill returned for "Deathstalker 4". Executive producer Roger Corman spent another 75 bucks (roughly estimated) on the 3 Deathstalker sequels and "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom", to name but a few. And why not, if "Deathstalker" was a success.

If you take this as a fantasy, you'll probably be disappointed: it's as second-grade as they come, with a total blank for a hero and plenty of chaotically staged swordfights. But if you take it as a soft-porn film, you may be more pleased; there is a stimulating (if brief) sex scene midway through, and abundant nudity throughout, though only the beautiful Lana Clarkson escapes the film's depraved attitude toward women. Anyway, the film certainly isn't as bad as the two Ferrigno "Hercules" movies.....(*1/2)