Mortuary

(**1/2 out of *****) In spite of some mediocre acting and a somewhat rambling storyline, this tasteless sickie has enough suspenseful and shocking scenes here and there to at least make it interesting. Christopher George (who was in several of these kinds of movies around this time) runs the title establishment, where he holds seances with community mothers and yells at his son (Bill Paxton!) for taking too long to embalm the cadavers. Mary Beth McDonough (from "The Waltons") plays a sleepwalking teenager who witnesses her father's murder (although no one believes her), and George's real-life wife, Lynda Day (who was in the awful "Pieces" with her hubby in the same year), plays her mother. Oh, and there's a creepy, pale-faced killer in a hood and cape running around stabbing and draining people with a large embalming needle. There are gratuitously prolonged shots of needles piercing stomachs, but there are also some genuine scares and a pretty good climax. Plus, you get Bill Paxton (who deserves the credit for this movie's two and a half stars) in an early, over-the-top performance, before he toned down for big-budget blockbusters (and yawn fests) like "Twister" and "Titanic." David Wallace plays McDonough's blonde-haired, beef-cake boyfriend, and, supposedly, Michael Berryman (from "The Hills Have Eyes") is in this thing, but I'll be damned if I spotted him.

HIGHLIGHT: Paxton, with full manic glee, conducts an imaginary Mozart symphony with an audience of dead bodies slumped in chairs behind him (the climaxes of both "Happy Birthday To Me" and "Madhouse" -- also ‘81 slasher films -- are curiously similar. I guess homicidal maniacs love an audience, dead or alive.)

After her father's mysterious death Christy suffers from sleepwalking and night terrors.Making things worse,no one beliefs her claims of a ghoul faced killer lurking in the shadows.When she learns her mother is in a coven of witches,Christy begins to distrust everyone in her life.It's up to Christy's boyfriend to save her from the hands of crazed embalmer played by Bill Paxton,who looks like black metal musician.Fairly decent slasher flick with several jolts of suspense and gruesome deaths.Not a lot of blood and gore,but plenty of breasts both living and cadaver to enjoy.The ending is kind of quick after all the build up,but it is also pretty surprising.Fans of early 80's slasher flicks should give this one a try.

ARC, Artists Releasing Corporation, stands behind yet another film from the early '80's as a distribution company. These were the same guys responsible for releasing 1981's Incubus followed up by another Slasher in 1982 entitled Pieces (aka Mil gritos tiene la noche). This title falls in line with the familiar Slasher recipe, one of which you've seen quite often.

The story opens with two friends, Greg and Josh, that travel to the local mortuary; a point of employment before Josh was unexpectedly fired. While breaking and entering, the two men notice a strange ritual taking place in the lower levels of the establishment. The two are eventually separated long enough for Josh to be brutally murdered by the hands of a black-hooded fiend who dons white facial powder and black makeup. Greg quickly escapes and notices his van, which is parked outside, drive off; causing him to believe that Josh left without him. He manages to escape with the help of his girlfriend, Christie Parson, who is still mourning the supposed accidental death of her father. The young couple attempt to fit the pieces of the puzzle together by inspecting overlooked details. Periodically they are met by the mortuary owner's son, Paul Andrews (a 28-year-old Bill Paxton). Paul has an obvious crush on Christie but due to his awkward disposition and banal persona he is denied outright. With various clues to throw you off the beaten path you are left to decide the identity of the killer along with his modus operandi.

In my opinion, there are two different types of Slasher films. The first and most common would be the "whodunit" film where the murderer plays a role in the group that's methodically killed during the course of the story. Usually the audience is led down false channels to divert their attention of who the killer really is. The motive is usually jealousy or rejection but almost always caused by psychotic tendencies. The second type of Slasher film involves more of a rudimentary approach; a crazed, anonymous individual is on the loose, savagely butchering the "fish in the barrel" as it were, until finally a plot detail is uncovered and some connection can be drawn. Of all the Slasher films I've seen (I've seen over 25 from the 1980's alone), these formulas, sometimes even a combination of the two, are almost always represented in some way or another. Mortuary adheres to the first equation I mentioned: a group of actors are introduced, certain characters show up at convenient times, and the true villain is revealed.

One of the biggest problems with Mortuary is that it starts off well enough by building a dash of suspense and intrigue; a well done approach and clever contrivance that'll serve as a platform for merriment rather than sensory detainment. Okay...so why is this a problem? Well, it's not long before the film starts loosing momentum and the competent devices aforementioned start abandoning ship faster than the crew of a sinking vessel. This occurs instantly when Mortuary decides to take it upon itself to reveal the killer halfway through the story, ruining the shocking outcome you were hoping for.

As the sub-title of my review indicates, Mortuary attempts to seduce you with its impressive-looking box art but unfortunately the story doesn't play up to what you'd expect. In fact, you'd be doing yourself a great service if you choose not to even acknowledge the artwork and that's a sad state of affairs coming from me. Unfortunately, you're here on IMDb and undoubtedly examined it anyway, thus rendering my warning useless and all for naught. The presentation and graphical layout of a film's box art is essential to all movie-goers; the experience is not exclusive to fans of the horror genre. I believe that since this genre can be credited with visual expressiveness more than 50% of the time the accurate depiction of the film via artwork is a crucial step in forming our first impression. Shame on you Mortuary! Your adept use of artistry on the front cover holds dominion over our judgement! How dare you!

In closing, I thought it'd be decent of me to rate Mortuary fairly. Although I chose not to discuss in explicit detail the musical score, it's wonderful and a joy to listen to. It's a prime example of what a suspenseful chiller should employ to elevate or enhance the apprehensive sequences that follow. The acting just simply "gets the job done" along with an above-average lighting approach that heavily compliments a rich set construction. If the portions discussed precendently chose to pan out differently I may have loved this film - sadly, it's quite content on subsisting in the mid-ranged array of films that comprise my vault of horror.

Okay so this isn't the greatest film in the world. It's not even the greatest horror film, but fans of Bill Paxton have got to check out this movie. Paxton puts his all into making every one of his characters entertaining and this film is no different. Bill really goes overboard with this character and it's a good thing because otherwise the movie would be pretty boring. My friends and I had to rewind one scene several times we were laughing so hard at Paxton antics. The film does contain a fair amount of suspense but it is "the great" Bill Paxton that makes the movie worth while.

The movie itself was really quirky and slow... but it's definitely worth the watch to see what a young Bill Paxton does with the material. The most nostalgic thing however about this old film (credits say 1981) is that there are a few scenes from a roller rink named Skating Plus. Just for giggles after the film I happened to google it to see if any old photos existed. Turns out the rink is still in business and is in Ventura. They have FB & IG as well. What is bizarre is that there is no mention of the rink in the credits even though a lot of footage was shot there. Really cool to see the dated lingo and outfits of the early 80s too. Definitely worth a watch.