Barbarian Queen

I had a theory about movies. For every two minutes of Bad movie you need one minute of Nudity to make it watchable. This movie puts that theory to the test, and disproves it with a glorious vigor.

I think most every female in this movie was topless for the majority of it. The story is milk toast, but what I found the most absurd is just how bad the acting was. I mean it was Tommy Wiseau bad. In fact the nudity and acting are so bad there's almost a shamelessness about it. As though it's proud of how bad it is. And for that I would actually recommend it for anyone who wants to see a lot of breasts in a low budget Connan rip off.

For those who are feeling daring I offer the barbarian Queen Drinking game. This requires two teams, Team One is team acting and Team two is Team Boobs. For ever poorly acted line of dialog, team Acting takes a drink, For every set of boobs you see, team Boobs takes a drink. Please keep an EMT handy and sober as most likely more than one person will almost die of alcohol poisoning. You've been warned

Barbarian Queen is one of the cycle of sword and sandal flicks that were popular in the mid 80's. Back then the formula seemed to incorporate lots of sword fights and lots of semi naked girls. This flick certainly adheres to this principle that's for sure, especially the bit about the naked girls. In fact I guess if you were inclined towards political correctness you could label Barbarian Queen as a film that is a little bit sexist. But I myself am quite partial to salacious genre movies and I lapped this one up quite a bit. The story really isn't too important but suffice to say it features a group of Amazonian type women on a quest to get vengeance on a tribe of incredibly misogynistic men who opened up the movie by raping and murdering their people.

There's lots of sex and violence in this one. And for what it's worth, the breast count appeared to be astronomical as well. It's certainly a movie that delivers on its promise and that is certainly not a bad thing. Lana Clarkson plays the titular heroine with some gusto. She's pretty good in the action scenes as well as the nude ones. Of the latter there is a somewhat erotic scene where she is tied up in a torture chamber. Somewhat notably, she escapes from this seemingly doomed situation by defeating her jailer by way of a rather extreme application of the Cleopatra Grip (I'll let you look that one up!). You have to give a film marks for originality for the likes of this, that's for sure.

Barbarian Queen has a story and action that is by-the-numbers really but it gains points for gratuitous excess. They don't really seem to make them like this anymore and that is a bit of a shame.

(1985) Barbarian Queen ACTION ADVENTURE

Part European production that has Amathea (Lana Clarkson) who is about to get married to Aargon (Frank Zagarino) until her small village become attacked by marauders led by Lord Arrakur (Arman Chapman) taking with them are prisoners. After the invaders assume Amathea had died from the fire, she and her two swords women, Estrild (Katt Shea) and Tiniara (Susana Traverso) then goes on a saving rant, with the first person she saves is her sister Taramis (Dawn Dunlap).

Again, the action is unconvincing, the acting is second rate that looks like it takes a back seat to the nude scenes, which to some can be more entertaining than the movie itself.

An incredibly cheesy contribution to the Sword & Sorcery genre starring the late Lana Clarkson, Héctor Oliviera's "Barbarian Queen" of 1985, is a film that is absolutely ridiculous in almost any aspect, but that shouldn't be missed by anyone who can enjoy the cheesier kind low-budget trash flicks. From a mainstream point of view, Sword & Sorcery (& Boobs) flicks such as this one may be, but they can be so much fun to watch when they're not taken too seriously. "Barbarian Queen" might be described as an unintentional comedy, but it's pretty clear that the funny aspects were at least semi-intentional as the film never takes itself too seriously. I personally can't help it - I love films of this kind, cheesy and amateurish as they may be, and always have a good time watching them.

This little film's thin plot in particular tells the story of 'Barbarian Queen' Amethea (Lana Clarkson) who, together with a few other busty female warriors, decides to free her tribe from slavery and tyranny after their village has been razed to the ground by a ruthless tyrant. It's been stated that this is set in the times of the Roman empire, but the villains really have nothing Roman about them, I'd say the movie is set in a typical, undefinable Sword'n'Sorcery fantasy time, some of the folks look like medieval knights, others like Barbarians from more ancient times...

The whole movie is quite similar to an earlier Lana Clarkson movie, "Deathstalker" of 1983, In which she played a role that was almost the same as in this one. I personally enjoyed Deathstaker more, since it was gorier and the shlock factor was at times even higher, but "Barbarian Queen" is definitely also recommended if you're looking for enjoyable trash and a good laugh. The acting is, unsurprisingly, god-awful, and the set pieces sometimes make you wonder whether the hilarious flaws are really unintentional. "Barbarian Queen" delivers cheaply made but entertaining gore effects and a good amount of sleaze and a busty female cast that gets topless every five minutes.

"Barbarian Queen" may be anything but a masterpiece, but B-Movie and Exploitation fans like myself should enjoy it. Just don't expect anything that anyone who has read the title and seen the poster wouldn't anyway.

After surviving a brutal attack on her village on the day of her wedding to a tribal prince (Frank Zagarino), a tough female warrior (the late Lana Clarkson) seeks revenge. With the help of two equally powerful warriors (Katt Shea, Susana Traverso), she recruits more rebels before taking the battle to an evil army led by an evil king (Arman Chapman).

Silly, poorly acted (and poorly dubbed) romp is loaded with action and gratuitous nudity (just about every female bares it all, including Clarkson). Nothing original here, except the heroine using her vagina as a weapon against one of her captors and he complains that she's "too tight." Trashy and entertaining at the same time. My evaluation: ** out of ****.