Commando

'Commando (1985)' is slightly camp, a bit cheesy and ever so slightly sub-par and it knows it. This action flick aims solely for that 'turn-your-brain-off' guilty pleasure crowd and hits its mark dead-on. It's hard to watch without a smile on your face. Though it is silly - even stupid at times - and incredibly over-the-top, it is also ostentatious, or just toeing that line, which means you can laugh with the picture rather than at it. You do get the undeniable sense that a cringe-worthy one-liner combined with an outlandish, infinite-ammo action-sequence is just kind of awesome. 6/10.

I love Arnie and Commando sees him in top 80s action star form. He is made for these roles and really excels in them. Commando is full of classic one-liners, solid action, and a surprisingly great original score by the late James Horner. This film is tons of fun and a classic 80s action film.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the embodiment of 80s-90s muscle-man action cinema, an era we can now look back on with nostalgia, mostly for its unabashed mixture of macho ultra violence and out-of-control kitsch. It's interesting to note that the Austrian Titan's first great commercial disappointment - Last Action Hero - was a parody of the genre he dominated. How do you parody parody itself? The man's best films, the first two Terminator films and Predator, rise above that, but most of his work is inches from being one big spoof.

While you can't parody the genre outright, you can take it to its extreme, and I'm not sure what Commando is or who it was meant for, but that's what it does. Schwarzenegger's John Matrix (a typical Austrian name, that) lives a life of mono parental bliss with daughter Jennie (or, as he calls Alyssa Milano, "Tchainee") until she is kidnapped and he is forced to throw all his retired killing machine skills into saving her.

We can run through the ingredients, it's actually worth it for once: - Body fascination. The film never hesitates to glory on Schwarzenegger's body, and while he isn't showing off with impossible feats (carrying a tree or busy phone booth) he just sits there, bare-chested, for the camera. - Homo-erotic subtext. If it's that in-your-face, it can't really be subtext. Beside the fact that this is probably an affront to gays everywhere, the tension between Ahnuld and main villain Bennett would be interesting if it weren't for... well... Bennett himself. I'd describe the world's most ill-conceived blockbuster villain for you, but I'd rather not ruin the surprise. Just youtube "Last Fight Scene - Matrix vs Bennett". - Gratuitous violence. Not much blood here, but every bullet that grazes the floor creates its own explosion. And the stunt-work reaches miraculous levels of retardation. - "Clever" One-liners. If that's your thing, you're in for a real treat. - Outrageous music: oh boy, you can't imagine... - Sexy but severely underused damsel in distress. Underused? We wish. Sexy, not quite.

It's hard to even rate this film. It makes for a delirious group viewing experience, but then again, nobody could ever honestly call it a good a film. And unlike True Lies, another very silly film, this hasn't aged gracefully at all, hence much of its "charm" is down to nostalgia. It's the only way to forgive the film's confounding technical ineptitude (the number of goofs and continuity disasters sets a record).

You have to see it to believe it. Then again, maybe not. Just check out the wildest bits and watch Predator instead.

Thank you YouTube!

John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) was an elite special op who is now retired living in his mountain home with his daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano). His men are getting killed one by one. One of his former group Bennett (Vernon Wells) joins warlord Arius (Dan Hedaya) to start a coup in his home country. They kidnap Jenny to force John Matrix to fly down to that country to assassinate the president. However he escapes from the flight to track down Jenny with the help of Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) who he grabs at the airport.

The best thing about this movie is that it doesn't take its time to get started. The action gets going right away. The bad guy has barely gotten one line out about his kidnapped daughter before he gets a bullet in his head. It's all action from Schwarzenegger. There is no negotiations. He delivers some delicious one-liners. The most memorable is "Remember Sully when I promised to kill you last? I lied!!". And who could forget the Jamaican steel drum music. It's just a fun movie.

It was like yesterday (well, sort of!) when I watched "Commando" at a movie theater! And that was 3 decades ago. I checked it again today because of some reason and I am amazed because of how less silly it looks to me now.

It's a classic. No doubt about that. And it's pure fun. Violent-ish of course but with great tongue-in-cheek humor delivered by one of the most charismatic actors ever.

If you have missed it before go watch it (with a pinch of salt

of course)! A fun way to pass one hour and a half!

• Remember when I promised to kill you last?

• I lied!