Hell Squad

I couldn't believe how bad this was.

Still I was entertained.

Why? Those ladies, despite their obvious 'talent', (hehheh) were GORGEOUS.

This was stock footage surrounded by a two set filming. The lack of real cast was desperately covered up.

So many missions that we never saw. Then the ladies come home in their military/fetish unis and lounge in provocative positions.

One reason to see this film...you're drunk and love to see ladies in hotpants. (Ok, two reasons.)

Here's another so-bad-it's-good movie that's basically SHOWGIRLS meets THE DIRTY DOZEN. The son of a powerful diplomat is kidnapped by Middle Eastern terrorists, so what does the government do to get him back? They train a group of Vegas showgirls to be commandos to get him back! The filmmakers hope to gloss over the film's many faults (incredibly bad dialogue, boom mics in frame, wildly inconsistent photography, and a story that goes completely off the rails at the end) by filling the movie with scantily clad ladies in their finest 80s wear doing commando stuff. FUN FACT! The movie takes some truly bizarre turns in the final act because the screenwriter withheld the last part of the script from producer/director Kenneth Herts for lack of payment, so instead of paying him, Herts made up his own ending, which makes zero sense in the most hilarious sort of way.

Hell Squad is the story of a group of Las Vegas showgirls come commandos sent to rescue a diplomat's son in what is truly the world's first "art" film. This beautifully made film has a stellar cast portraying multi-dimensional characters of such depth as the suspicious tiger-owning arab, the conflicted millionaire, and the large-breasted commandos.

The story itself deals with such important socio-political issues as the arms race, gender equality, water conservation, and animal cruelty. For example; a tiger's tail is stamped on by the villain's angry foot; these busty dancers prove that they can infiltrate the enemy with the best of em', while being socially responsible by bathing together because of a water shortage; and our damsel, the diplomat's son, is bound by shackles no one can see, representing the invisible threat of the neutron bomb (where did that elephant go?).

Finally, as the startling ending asserts, nothing is as it seems. The final scene is a shocker unlike anything you've witnessed since the glory days of Scooby Doo. For fast-paced, stimulating film-making at its finest, do yourself a favor and find Hell Squad!

I honestly wish I could say that I invited the juicy catchphrase of my review's subject line myself, but alas, I blatantly stole it from the back of the cover of the original Belgian VHS-release. Roughly translated the brief plot description on the box of the old video cassette that I own says: "This battalion of incredibly hot girls is on a top-secret and ultra-dangerous mission that will bring them BEHIND enemy lines and BETWEEN enemy sheets!". As a sucker for 80s trash/exploitation I simply had to see this film. Now, I personally think that the clichéd expression "so-bad-it's-good" is very much overused, but it is definitely the most apt description of Kenneth Hartford's "Hell Squad". The son of an American ambassador in the Middle-East is kidnapped by terrorists and they demand nuclear weapons in exchange for his release. Instead of looking for any kind of alternatives, the ambassador's personal assistant travels to Las Vegas all by himself and recruits a bunch of buxom strip dancers for a secret mission. Without knowing what purpose they'll serve, the girls follow an intense 10-day military training and then they are subsequently dropped in the desert. This really could have worked very efficiently as a sexploitation-spoof (or even a porn movie, perhaps) but the problem is that this film, and its entire cast and crew alike, take itself so damn seriously! Besides, the glorious description about the sheet and all isn't even true. The action sequences in "Hell Squad" are as follows: the women storm into a random enemy camp or underground lair, blow away all the evil Arabs and subsequently return to their luxurious hotel room where they all sit and relax in the jacuzzi together. Yes, apparently hotels in the Middle-East standard offer gigantic hot tubs in each room. You guessed it; a truly bad but unique film-experience!

Let's cut to the chase...."Hell Squad" is a horrible film and anyone who sees brilliance in it isn't to be trusted! The acting is horrible (beyond amateurish) and the writing and direction aren't much better. Now considering it was released by Cannon Films, this makes it easier to understand how it was released in the first place. The studio was responsible for an awful lot of crap in the 1980s....and they didn't try to be anything else other than a schlock studio...but it was, briefly, a very popular studio despite their low budgets and low production values. Clearly even for Cannon, "Hell Squad" is terrible!

The son of some American dignitary has been kidnapped by turban-wearing baddies. So, the embassy does exactly what you'd expect...they hire a group of showgirls to rescue him instead of giving these terrorists the plans to the new ultra-neutron bomb!! After a very brief training camp, these busty do-gooders spring into action....as, after all, who needs Special Forces or the Navy Seals?!

The film is simply terrible and I think the only appealing thing about it are the very gratuitous shots of nude and semi-nude woman. Surprisingly, the producers were actually able to get some amazingly pretty ladies for the film. But to me, watching the film STILL isn't worth it! Overall, a silly and craptastic movie....not among the very worst I've seen...but awfully close!