The Nail Gun Massacre

Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

** (out of 4)

A young woman is gang-raped by a construction crew and soon after those men start to show up murdered. The weapon? A nail gun of course. If anyone grew up renting low-budget horror films in the 1980's then I'm sure they came across this film, which has become quite notorious over the years due to how incredibly campy it is. Yes, this film deserves a BOMB rating because it's just downright horrid but I have to respect the crew members for actually making a film and making one this hilarious. Made in Texas, this thing can go right down with Manos: The Hands of Fate as the biggest turkeys the state every delivered. I'm really not sure where to start on this thing because this is a movie that you really need to see in order to believe everything. There are countless hilarious things in the movie but the best stuff has to be the one-liners the killer spits out while killing everyone. He catches one guy going to the bathroom, shots him you know where and then adds "that will plug up the leak". Another classic goof is when a couple are in a car about to have sex yet the car is "rocking" before they even start. Some more laughs come from the countless death scenes where people die but yet we continue to see them either move or breathe. I really don't think there's a murder here where this doesn't happen. Another funny item is that the killer appears to change shape and size each time he/she shows up. Is that enough laughs? Lord no, just wait until you see the old grocery store woman who keeps messing up her lines. The death scenes themselves are all rather silly but the directors were smart enough to throw in some gratuitous sex scenes to keep the entertainment level up. All of this stuff just comes down as low-budget fun and I really wouldn't blame the filmmakers too much because they did deliver a movie, which is a lot more than many people can say. Is this a good movie? No. Is it somewhat fun? It is if you enjoy campy, direct to VHS movies.

I read on the "trivia" page at IMDB that the producers demanded more nudity for the first cut of "Nail Gun Massacre". They had the right idea. It was only the nudity that kept me watching.

"But it's a slasher," I hear you say. "What about the violence? What about the KILLS?"

They're pretty lame, it has to be said. Yeah, a bunch of people get killed, unrealistically, with a nail gun. It left me wondering why the killer didn't just use a regular gun instead. I think a nailgun would be a pretty inefficient murder weapon. Though perhaps not the nailgun in this movie, which kills perhaps as efficiently as a real gun, and makes sounds like one when it fires - though never actually looks to be firing anything. There's a sound effect and then the movie cuts to the nail protuding out of someone's flesh.

The plot, eh... I dunno. A woman is apparently raped at the beginning of the movie, and then someone in army fatigues and a motorbike helmet that seems to contain some kind of voice distortion device goes around killing people with a nail gun. He should have lent his device to the other actors. Their dialogue is often inaudible, so badly was it recorded.

Often the killer's victims are surprised while having sex, which in at least one scene is surprisingly graphic. Slashers are pretty much expected to have flashes of nudity, but actually only rarely do they show simulated sex. This one also has full-frontal male nudity, as well as female.

And then it's over, totally forgettably. It was probably supposed to be a surprise when the mask came off, but I didn't even recognize the actor underneath. Had he been in the movie before? Who knows? Who cares?

Man, what would we do without ultra low budget Slasher flicks? "The Nail Gun Massacre" sounds as an obvious spoof to the great legendary "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but no, Nail Gun tries too hard to be taken seriously. Sadly, with a budget of about $100, AWFUL acting, and poor direction you can't take it seriously. I watched this long time ago on USA NETWORK and I think I was lucky because many people say that it's pretty hard to find it nowadays.

Watch it for what it is, and you will at least watch it's complete running time.. If you're fan of cheap gore f/x and poor killing scenes you might enjoy it. But beware, the movie is very boring and there are no highlights except the opening scene.

Power-tools and tits: a classic combination of horror movie ingredients that, as far as I'm concerned, almost always guarantees a good time (I know, I know... I'm easily pleased). However, there are always exceptions to prove the rule, and, despite plenty of bare breasts and much DIY-appliance based violence, The Nail Gun Massacre bored the hell out of me.

Ineptly directed, poorly scripted and badly acted, this dreadful slasher-style effort sees a mysterious killer seeking revenge for a gang rape by using the titular tool to commit a series of murders. Looking laughable, rather than menacing, in a fetching camouflage jumpsuit and black motor-cycle helmet, our maniac somehow manages to stalk their prey unseen, before blasting them with a volley of nails. And for some inexplicable reason, the psycho also opts to talk in a strange, electronically modified Darth Vader style voice, making them seem even more absurd.

The cast recite their awful dialogue displaying zero acting ability, whilst co-directors Terry Lofton and Bill Leslie display a complete lack of skill behind the camera. Throw in some unconvincing and rather weak gore (let's face it, nails don't make a lot of mess: small puncture wounds with a trickle of blood), and what you have is an amateurish production that completely fails to capitalise on its sensational title.

Every horror collector worth their salt will at least have heard of The Nail Gun Massacre. It's such a tempting title isn't it? I finally gave in and bought the special edition DVD. This film is one big mess from start to finish, but you already knew that. The most interesting thing in it was breasts, big huge breasts at that! One woman has breasts so big that they're all you (and the cameraman) can focus on. The biggest problem with Nail Gun Massacre is that you can't really hear what anyone is saying, making it hard to follow. Every time someone speaks there's a horrible noise that sounds like a passing train. Perhaps this was to cover the bad acting? If anything they should have removed it and let the actors do their thing, no matter how untalented they are. At least we can laugh at them then! The sound is atrocious, half the time the background noise is louder than what people are saying. You also can't hear the supposedly "funny" lines from the killer, as the voice is too distorted.

It does have it's good moments though. You can't help but laugh at such an inept film, with scenes such as a couple 'doing it' against a tree, where all you can see is the mans white ass jiggling around. The best part for me was when the killer says to the big breasted woman: "Get inside, big tits!" And there's another hilarious scene where a woman gets hysterical and says "I'm gonna die, I know I'm gonna die!" I would say the film was worth watching just for those two scenes!

For a low budget "so bad it's good" film, The Nail Gun Massacre is nothing special. There's other low budget films that are much funnier such as The Suckling and They Don't Cut The Grass Anymore (the acting is worse than Nail Gun Massacre, yet more hilarious).