Private Resort

Released in 1985, "Private Resort" stars Johnny Depp (who was only 21 during filming) and Rob Morrow as two adolescent guests at a Florida resort for the weekend. Their only interest is chasing beach beauties, but fate has much more in store for them.

My title blurb is true: I've never seen such an assortment of bodacious females in any other movie. I'll put it like this: Take any dozen similar-themed movies and I assure that "Private Resort" contains more beautiful women than all of them in just the first half hour.

The top female, by the way, is the one with whom Andrew Dice Clay's character intends to cheat; the one the protagonists try to hide from the girlfriend in the apartment (it's impossible to pinpoint her name in the credits and, besides, I think she's uncredited).

Second place goes to Emily Longstreth, who plays Patti. Speaking of whom, she fell out of acting entirely by the 90s and reportedly fell into substance abuse, mental illness, and living in a homeless shelter in New York City. There's also credible reports that she died in January, 2015 (please correct me, if this isn't true). In any case, she shines here as Rob's potential girlfriend and shows-off her physical beauty in a white bikini in the last act.

Aside from the women, there are a lot of compelling antics, like zany chases in the hotel and butchered haircuts. Despite the boys' obsession with females, the movie drives home the point of landing the right mate, who's beautiful inside and out.

I've heard the movie criticized as misogynistic, but this is laughable in light of the focus on women and the celebration thereof. I suppose these critics object to the excessive and unnecessary top nudity and the like, which I agree with and this explains my somewhat mediocre rating. In other words, the ladies are incredible and this is a really fun beach comedy, but I can't in good conscience recommend it due to the tasteless elements.

The move is short 'n' sweet at 1 hour, 22 minutes, and was shot at Ocean Reef Club, Key Largo, Florida.

GRADE: C+

Private Resort (1985)

*** (out of 4)

Incredibly stupid but funny teenage sex romp has two teens (Rob Morrow, Johnny Depp) staying at a rich Florida resort where there's plenty of beautiful women to try and get in bed. Also on hand is a jewel thief (Hector Elizondo), a muscle bound ladies man (Andrew Dice Clay) and various other nuts. If you want high level comedy of Billy Wilder then you best stay away from this film but if you want juvenile humor mixed in with beautiful women getting naked then this film is just for you. This is clearly a rip of Porky's and all the comedy is incredibly dumb but it's still funny. Elizondo steals the show as the wannabe Mafia guy but Morrow and Depp are also fun to watch. Leslie Easterbrook from the Police Academy films also stars (and yes, she's naked).

Take a typical 80's B-comedy, and give the two male leads to two actors who would go on to awards and world fame.

Believe me or not, Depp and Morrow take two stock characters and make the material seem that much better; suddenly Jack and Ben hold the film together, rather than just reacting to everything within a narrow character description. Okay, so it's not art, but it's interesting from a film education perspective, if nothing else.

The script and direction aren't bad either, for a 1980's sex romp. Would have liked to see the director go on to better material. Ah, well.

7/10, for effort and sheer amusement value.

Private Resort is a wildly hilarious romp through the world of the vacation resort industry.

Johnny Depp shines in one of his earlier acting roles as Jack, a horndog who is out for tail at any price.

(It should be noted to any fan of the Depp that he shows his naked backside in this movie. Not that I enjoyed it or anything...)

This is a must see. Watch for the Jeff Spicolli-like character Mike. He has maybe 3 lines in the movie, but they have stuck with me since I first saw this movie in the seventh grade.

"Private Resort" is another fun little teen sex comedies that only the 80's could make. Its got the instantly watchable Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow in early roles, and they both have a good time with the slapstick of this film. This movie is almost entirely composed of physical gags, but it does deliver the laughs. The punchlines to every seen are blatantly obvious and easily predictable, but for some reason "Resort" has enough charm to subvert its cliches. Although not nearly as good as the teen comedy classic, "Spring Break", this is still a worthwhile 82 minutes for fans of the 80's teen comedy.