Lorca and the Outlaws

STARSHIP is touted in the tagline as a "warp speed adventure". Instead of being anything like an adventure this film throws great visuals at the audience and absolutely no story. STARSHIP is weird and disappointing, and not worth viewing or effort it takes to thrust it in a VHS deck.

The opening scene - where youthful protesters are seemingly trying to influence the "thinking" (more accurately, the programming) of military androids - set's the mood for this entire film: nothing makes any sense!

Roger Christian hasn't had a lot of hits in his career. Well, actually, he's not had ANY. Be that as it may, this one could be his worst movie ever. The week before I saw "Starship." I watched "Battlefield Earth." It was dreadful, of course. But it had at least two things "Starship" didn't: a plot that made *some* sense and action that didn't put you to sleep.

However, "Starship" DID have unintentional humor every so often, which saves it from being a complete and utter waste of time. For instance, why were the androids programmed to feel pain (reminds me of a parody from "The Simpsons")? Why was this movie called "Starship" when it is primarily terrestrially-based? Why was it necessary to have this movie based on some distant planet? (I didn't see anything different about Ordessa compared to an Earth of the future.) Who were the miners? (All we saw were teenagers playing video games, protesting and blowing up things.) The intrepid bounty hunter (who doesn't seem very menacing) is named "Danny"? Oh, I could go on and on...

Anyway, if you can stay awake through it, you might get a chuckle or two out of it. However, if you are looking for an interesting, exciting, well-made movie - take a pass on "Starship"!

My rating: 2

I've come up with a drinking game to play while you watch Starship. Here's what you do. Get a bottle of your favorite liquor and a shot glass for everyone who wants to play along. Fill up each shot glass to start off, and then slap Starship in the VCR. The rules are that everyone takes a shot whenever something interesting happens. Suitable for teetotalers. Unused liquor can be deposited back in the bottle utilizing a funnel.

This is the absolute worst kind of movie: a boring one. I watch lots of terrible movies. In the right frame of mind, an onslaught of cheese and surprise 80s dance numbers and mullets can provide a fun evening like nothing else. Battlefield Earth, for instance (and by the same director), is wonderful because it aims for real emotional impact over and over again and achieves not an ounce of it. Starship, on the other hand, might just be aiming to put me to bed early.

Action matters when we care about its outcome. Nothing we give the least little tiny crap about is ever really in jeopardy in Starship, and the one time something terrible happens to a main character it's filmed so poorly we're left for a minute wondering precisely what happened.

This movie's a mess. But not, let me stress, a hilarious mess. It's not an interesting mess. It's not something to get drunk and make fun of. It's not a crappy, crappy, crappy movie; the situation is altogether more dire than that. It's boring.

Yow, I remember this movie when it came out in the 80's. There I was, with a bunch of friends, I was about 15, popcorn in hand, expecting to see a great sci-fi movie at the theater.

We were all disappointed. The plot was totally unoriginal, the b-grade acting & the special effects were a let down. The masks they used for the bots were ugly, and the ship designs were bad. 18 years later, they stick in my head like a bad, umm, movie.

The whole underground resistance idea could have worked if they put more idea and thought into the story line and had somewhat of an interesting dialogue, but there is none worth remembering. To be fair, the movie is probably better then some of the garbage that we see today that passes as sci-fi, but that's not saying much.

3 out of 10

Very boring star wars clone, but there is something to be said about a universe where FTL travel is a thing, but we use boring 20th century stuff on the colonies. That and the fact the robots have people faces definitely says something interesting about their world. The movie ain't gonna say it though.