Hell High

But that's what i did. We were at the mall, having just come from my orthodontic appointment, and I was supposed to go back to school. However, once the title "Hell High" caught our eye, we had to see it. I remember a goofily inane, low-budget horror movie that featured a scene of a beautiful teacher becoming vocally aroused just taking a shower (because when women soap up their breasts, they are helplessly turned on.) And that's almost all I remember. But I guess I fared better than a friend who, a few years previous, had seen Revenge of the Nerds with his little, old grandmother. And, thinking on it now, I saw Clash of the Titans when I was like eight or something with my grandfather. A chaste shot of a woman leaving a bath was pretty exciting then. Later on, at dinner, my sister yelled out that I had told her there was a "tushie" in the movie. I was mortified. I could hardly deny I had said it, after all, as her knowledge of said tushie was proof enough. A shadow fell over my grandfather's face and not another word was said for a long time. A horrible memory.

(* out of *****) The Blockbuster Video Guide gave this movie three stars -- I'm thinking everyone involved in the Blockbuster franchise must have undergone mentally-corruptive radiation treatments in the '70s. Boy, is this movie stupid! It's your typical cruel prank/revenge/slasher plot, except it looks even cheaper and bored me even more than usual. Some mean (and over-aged) high school kids throw rocks at their mean teacher's house and then sexually molest her, so she jumps out the window. Well, of course she's not dead, and of course there's a traumatic incident from her childhood (she `accidentally' threw a bucktful of mud onto two libidinous motorists, causing them to fly off the bike and impale themselves on wooden stakes in a scene that I assume was supposed to be shocking, but, instead, had me laughing for a good five minutes), and, next thing you know, she's hopping mad and homicidal. Character motivations are weak and absurd, at best, and the plotting is almost transparent in this sick turkey. I loved the scene where the former football star and his friends drive a car onto the field in the middle of a game and intercept a pass while cheesy, triumphant music swells -- were we supposed to feel uplifted here and like this guy or something because he's not quite as cruel and sadistic as the other guy, he's just too much of a coward and a doofus to not go along with him? It stars -- well, really, who cares?

Lowlight: Oh dear, so much to choose from.... There's the tacky scene where the teacher's out cold and undressed on her bed and the slutty girl's showing her dopey ex-boyfriend how to properly touch a woman. But, no, let's just stick with the opening scene where the kid throws the mud at the bikers and they lose control and somehow land on those sharp wooden stakes. I'm sure there are even `better' scenes, but I'd have to rent the movie and watch it again to refresh my memory, and I'm just not ready to do that.

Hell High is one of your typical, bad, 80s horror films, and then again there are many things in it that are not so typical. For instance, none of the characters are likable or even sane. Usually you find at least one sane person in a slasher movie but not here. Everybody is pretty much crazy. At any rate that doesn't really matter, it still delivers good fun. I recommend renting the DVD with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary and don't even bother to watch it without the commentary, Joe Bob Briggs brings humor and fun facts into the viewing reminiscent of MST3K. His commentary really brings your enjoyment of the film up a notch by giving some where are they now comments, as well as commentary on why this film is different from the typical teen slasher. I give it a high rating based mainly on this commentary track.

I thought this movie was really laid back, boring for the first hour or so, but if you like the 80s (like myself) and horror (like myself) then I would say this movie is worth watching! I dig the soundtrack and the scary 80s beats when death arrives, and the Queenie is definitely poster-child of the 80s! Shes got style shes got grace, shes got beaten to death by a rock in her FAACE!! MWAH HA HA HA! If you're bored, watch it! There needed to be a bit more action and gore but for the most part its pretty enjoyable if you like the horror films that are pretty dark all the way through. You don't grow any attachment to any of the characters, its pretty much just a cheesy horror film of the 80s! And mind you, those are the best.

The beginning is quite fantastic, who doesn't love a young little girl in a scary little pink dress who kills off some teenagers who try to have sex in her playhouse!? lol.

Four outcast high schoolers in the Northeast play a prank on their biology teacher at her home on the weekend, but the fun turns into murderous trouble.

"Hell High" was shot in 1985, copyrighted in 1986, but not released until 1989. It's also known as "Raging Fury" and "Real Trouble," which are more accurate titles. I was thinking it was a slasher, but it's really high school thriller/horror meshing the milieu of "Carrie" (1976) and "Christine" (1983) with the revenge exploitation of "I Spit on Your Grave" (1978). It only cost $188,000, but seems more polished than "I Spit," which cost $650,000.

The flick effectively takes you back to the high school days and the various cliques and types, such as the troublemaking leader of the outcasts, the hot girl that hangs with the misfit dudes, the goofy guy, the quarterback and his cheerleading babe, as well as the guy who's an inbetweener (Christopher Cousins). The agitator, played by Christopher Stryker, died of AIDs at the age of 27 before the movie was released.

It's relatively serious, but there's a little camp, e.g. The football coach. The best thing is you don't know where it's going. Don't expect a typical 80's slasher.

On the female front, Millie Prezioso is interesting as Queenie while Maureen Mooney plays the biology teacher and Kathryn Rossetter the girls' coach. The brunette girlfriend of the quarterback is worth a mention, Mink (Victoria Andahazy). As usual with this genre, there's a bit of harmless nudity.

The movie runs 1 hour, 24 minutes, and was shot in Westchester, Bronx, which is just a couple miles east of The Bronx Zoo with the high school interiors done in Scarsdale, New York, which is located eight miles north of The Bronx.

GRADE: B-