Jaws: The Revenge

There is Montezuma's revenge and then there is Jaws: The Revenge, in either case diarrhea is produced. This is really a terrible film, as if a shark would go out and take revenge on the family that "murdered" his cousins. Nonsense! It is awful to see Michael Caine in this film, I don't know why Michael appears in films like this, he must only do it for the money because the artistic merits of this film are zilch. Poor Lorraine Gary, went into retirement and then only to come out of retirement to do this turkey, and to think she felt obliged to as well, hardly a fitting finale to the end of a career. This film should have won more Razzies than it did but then against it was up against Leonard part 6!

If there ever were proof of the law of diminishing returns, the fourth entry in the Jaws series is it. The original was a taut thriller that launched the career of one of Hollywood's most celebrated directors. By comparison, Michael Caine often looks as if he is incredibly upset to be missing his award ceremony in order to appear in this piece. Lance Guest and Mario Van Peebles frequently appear to be wishing to have better things to do, while Lorraine Gary frequently looks stoned in moments when she is supposed to look frightening.

Clearly, the budget spent on this film didn't go into the research, script, or mechanical shark. Exactly why Michael Brody and his pals are putting what are apparently tracking devices on conch shells is never explained. Perhaps any explanation they thought of was so incredibly stupid that they thought it best to give up. An alternate explanation of why Michael is working in the water was never thought of, either. The true Ed Wood moment of the film comes towards the end of the piece, when the shark rises out of the water, and roars at Elaine. This is the first time I've heard of sharks having vocal cords. Given the box office draw this stinker had, I suspect it will be the last.

The shark takes a real beating here, too. The reason the shark wasn't seen often in the original was because Spielberg noticed that if one put it in front of the camera for long enough, the audience would notice that it doesn't move like a real shark. In this edition of the Jaws story, not only do they keep the camera focused upon the shark for more than enough time for the audience to notice the model's flaws, in so doing they make it crystal clear that this shark was made on the cheap. There are some shots in which the support structure of the shark is visible under the outer layer. There is even what appears to be a seam in the back of the shark's main fin.

To its credit, Jaws: The Revenge is well-photographed. While the 2.35:1 frame is often sparsely populated, depth of field is used with great effect in several shots. The fact that even frames with one character in them won't make sense when cropped to fit analogue television is a credit to the director and cinematographer. If only this kind of workmanship could have been seen in other aspects of the film.

Another area where Jaws: The Revenge deserves due credit is the score music. While the score is very much inspired by that which John Williams provided for the original, it distinguishes itself and genuinely works in its own right. In fact, one could almost say that the score music is more than the rest of the film deserves. The music is literally able to inject dramatic tension into scenes that, by all rights granted under the accepted rules of film-making, really shouldn't have any.

When all is said and done, I gave Jaws: The Revenge a one out of ten. It works as a comedy in the sense that it is a stinking pile of crap, but there are precious few moments when the people making it seem privy to the fact. As a result, the film winds up in a class all of its own. It's not just so bad its good, it is so utterly bad it is incredible.

Ok, to sum it up. The shark roars and stands on it's tail for more than 5 seconds. It purposely hunts down members of the Brody family. Thea is annoying and should have been swallowed whole by Bruce. The shark somehow explodes when being punctured by a sharp piece of wood. ?????? A bad film, I think so!

It's personal because I hate this audience-insulting movie. This has got to be the stupidest horror flick of all times. The ending (all of them) alone would be enough to justify this film's place on the bottom 100 list. I mean the premise (shark is after the Brody family for revenge. It chases (and beats) the Brody's to Jamaica to harrass them and snack on a few extras).

The effects went WAY downhill for this one. The shark on the Universial Studios tram tour is more convincing then this duct-taped-at-the-seams roboshark. The acting is atrocious (especially Mario Van Peeble and his grating "hey mon" accent)

The movie is one of the worst I've ever seen. The attack scenes are worse than what I used to do with Fisher Price Town and a stuffed seal from Marineland. The shark follows them to the Bahamas; apparently for revenge...revenge for being killed in earlier movies! Or is the shark exacting revenge for his friends who were killed? Or maybe (and here's something they could have pursued) it was the WIFE of the previous shark who decided the wife of her husband's killer should suffer. Well she did suffer, by appearing in this movie. For Jaws 5 I suggest the surviving family members of Mrs. Brodie swim back to New York and start biting sharks.