Space Mutiny

Yeah, the film industry is not what is was when Ed Wood was directing, and B-movies don't get released in theaters anymore; but they do get released on video. And we should be glad that they do, at least in the case of Space Mutiny, 'cause it may be the single most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. Don't believe me? Just take a look at these numbers:

# of times our ostensible "hero" screams in panic: 17

# of jumpsuited extras flung into the air with pneumatic catapults: 14

# of insertions of "Battlestar Galactica" footage: lost count around 40

# of previously seen shots edited in:15

# of times the Enforcers refer to each other as "idiots": 7

# of off-the-shelf glowing balls in the Bellarian scenes: 8

# of times Ryder or Kalgon yells at someone to "MOVE!" or "GO!": 26

# of occasions Kalgon starts laughing for no apparent reason: 18

# of minutes you get to watch grown men trying to kill each other with golf carts: 5

# of railing kills: 24 (may have missed a couple)

Don't pass up a chance to see this; one of these days, someone involved with it is going to get embarrassed enough about it to try and have all the copies destroyed.

Run, don't walk! Use those pneumatic catapults that launch jumpsuited terrorists through the air to escape this drivel. This movie shows just how limiting a small budget and a lack of imagination is. Footage lifted from Battlestar Galactica is edited into something that resembles a story. Can't really tell. There's a large slab of beef walking around that's supposed to be our hero. Santa Claus commands this barge with the help from Sting. His daughter looks like Sheri Lewis gone bad and they fight the evil Calgon! Watch this one on MST and watch for the dead girl who comes back to life and resumes her post on the bridge.

There are so many comments on this, that it seems futile to do one of my own, but I do want to have a footprint of all the movies I see, so here it goes.

This movie is like those Jackie Chan films where the bad oiled hair European guy is laughing maniacally while torturing people and Jackie Chan kicks his ass. But instead of Jackie, you have a blond steroid addict that cries like a girl every time he does something. The action is placed in a big industrial warehouse and from time to time we see space scenes completely stolen from BattleStar Galactica. The commander of the space station looks like Santa, acts like Santa, but doesn't give one present the entire movie. The only special effects are colored beams and explosions. The final scenes show two electric cars colliding and exploding.

This is a truly bad film and it deserves its mark of 2 to put it in the Hall of Awful movies.

I actually quite enjoyed this film. Well, I enjoyed laughing at Mike and the Robots comments on it anyhow. The film itself is just the worst kind of awful you can imagine.

For a start, the budget for any real effects was obviously non-existent, so they stole LOTS of shots from Battlestar Galactica. These scenes occur early on in the movie mostly, and lead you to think that (apart from the plagiarism)it might not be too terrible. Wrong! After the initial ten minutes the Galactica stock-footage is rarely seen again, but the inside of various industrial buildings is seen almost constantly. I was thinking "Ah, a late 70's, early 80's era film" where any old chemical or power plant interior would do as "futuristic" sets. Wrong again! This "movie" was made in 1988, not even twenty years ago! It's like the makers went through a time warp to the late 70's, made the film, then brought it back for our delight.

But the plagiarism, in another form, continues right through the movie. The sound effects of the lasers are ripped straight from Battlestar Galactica again, and also, later on, the sound of the lasers from Battle Beyond the Stars makes an appearance.

Then there is the acting. Or rather, the awful lack of it. Particularly bad is Chunk Benchpress (aka Reb Brown) who lumbers around the sets trying to look dashing and heroic, then spoils the image by screaming like his 'nads have been caught in a food processor. The love interest for Chunk is old enough to be his mother (or maybe even grandmother!) and bares altogether too much flesh for someone of her advancing years and plastic surgery.

The commander of the ship on which the mutiny takes place is Cameron Mitchell, an actor of some note. What the Hell he was thinking in being in this is anybody's guess. But, bad though his choice of movie is, it's nothing compared to the ridiculous Father Christmas beard he's made to wear. It looks sooooo real nobody will be able to tell its a fake. Not!

And finally, the main cast is rounded off by John Phillip Law, another actor who has some credit to his name (At least prior to this turkey). Obviously he yearned for his wacky Barbarella days again and signed up for this abomination. I could never decide here whether he was actually trying to act or just hamming everything up. Suffice to say his maniacal cackling at even the slightest provocation ceases to be funny after the tenth or twentieth time.

Other things to watch out for are the stupid golf carts done up to look like futuristic transportation. The cheap body shells wobble like they're only held on with tape and the "chase" scenes are just hysterical. It's like you've tuned into a re-run of The Banana Splits Show. Try humming "Tra-la-lah, La-la-la-lah!" as you watch and its even funnier.

I won't mention the plot, because there really isn't one to speak of. Just a flimsy premise that people who were actually born in space are more likely to yearn for a real planet to live on than those who came from a planet, which sounds counter-intuitive to me. Or in other words, just plain dumb.

Watch it as an MST3K episode and this one is great. Without their comments it might be rather too much to handle for any normal person. It thoroughly deserves its place in the bottom 100 of the IMDb. You have been warned!

Watching "Space Mutiny" is the metaphorical equivalent of drinking cat urine...there's no way it can be any good for you, so why even try?

The special effects in this film are, I'm not kidding now, stock footage from Battlestar Galactica (played backwards, in some cases), or shot on what appears to be low-resolution video using models probably built from discarded "He-Man" toys. Unfortunately, that's about the best thing in the movie.

The acting...my God, the acting...I have NO idea who came up with this dialogue. Reb Brown is ridiculous, John Philip Law is absolutely NOT to be believed, and the rest of the cast, as well as the costumes, look like outtakes from an episode of Buck Rogers! (The second season...the really STINKY one!) The whole damned thing looks vaguely like a fever dream I had as a child after drinking sixteen cans of "Jolt"...and it's equally incomprehensible. My God, they actually announce the arrival of a pirate fleet by having some dope on a microphone say, "This is the pirate fleet...surrender or be turned into astro-dust." I think they shot the whole thing in a brewery with Go-Karts and used the same shot of a hops bin blowing up no less than four times. This movie has to be seen to be believed. I actually bought a copy for three dollars, just so I could show my friends that I was NOT making it up. Run, don't walk, away from this film.

0.0 stars out of a possible five.