The Vineyard

The Vineyard sees fan favourite James Hong return as one of his most loved characters Lo Pan (Big Trouble In Little China) of sorts, in his self directed horror comedy which has a number of Hong Kong stars on board as a vehicle to help kick start their career (which seems to have worked).

Reminding me of the classics like Mr. Vampire, Haunted Cop Shop, and We're Going To Eat You; this great wee flick oozes that same appeal as those horror comedy HK classics of the 80's which also features an early role from Michael Wong (Beast Cops, First Option, Royal Warriors) which is comical in itself!

Massive Hong Kong producer and director Gordon Chan (2000 AD, The Four Trilogy, Painted Skin) co-produces the feature for Hong, as he creeps out the visitors of his vineyard island, posing as a film producer with a great location.

The plot is crazy, yet that's what gives it the same charm of the 80's HK films I love. Zombies, gore, comedy, crazy SFX all come together in this unseen, underrated little gem that entertains without you having to think too hard!

James Hong is great as always, very sinister and gets to play the wizard with naked hotties in this movie. The Vineyard (bland title) is definitely inspired by Lo Lieh's upchuck classics Black Magic 1 & 2. It just doesn't pull out the stops like those Hong Kong classics or create a twisted reality. The actresses are all lookers and that is a major plus but not enough to make repeated viewing.

My Gooooood! I'm just tired to repeat this eternal question: Why was this movie ever made? This is worse than Troll 2, worse than Witchery and Crawlers, it sucks. All the characters and "actors" (they're unique, they have done only this feature)are involved in this story only because they will be victims. This movie just hurts. Zombie make up is cheap and acting and script are hopeless... Total failure!

James Hong plays here Dr.Elison Po,a famous winemaker who lives in a tropical island mansion.He is actually centuries old,but keeps his youthful appearance thanks to a jade amulet he stole from his mother(Vivian Lee)as a child.But the amulet is wearing out,and every so often Po ages hundreds of years unless he drinks human blood.To satisfy his needs,he has lots of women chained in his dungeon.One of his employees,a German film producer(Karl Heinz Teuber)brings a group of would-be actors and actresses and the slaughter begins!"The Vineyard" is an enjoyable horror-adventure filled with nudity and violence.There are zombies buried in the vineyard who keep rising from their graves every few minutes,crossbow battles,swordfights etc.I love the scene when a girl starts coughing up spiders while brushing her teeth!Despite rather amateurish acting this film isn't really bad(I've seen worse!)and I would highly recommend it to horror/zombie fans.

I didn't think much of this back in '89, but now the film serves as a fond reminder of a time when horror films didn't have to make much sense just so long as there were hot women in various states of undress, and lots of hokey special makeup effects with a touch of gore. The Vineyard offers plenty of those, as well as a hilariously bad party scene, spider vomiting, some questionable '80s fashion (including that classic male ensemble, cropped vest and three quarter length sweat pants), incredibly big spectacles (as sported by Hong Kong star Michael Wong), a nifty decapitation, James Hong hamming it up, and zombies. In short, it's as cheesy as hell and quite a lot of fun for it.

Hong, who also co-directs, plays wine producer Dr. Elson Po, who poses as a film producer to lure young victims to his island, where he uses their blood to create a potion that prolongs his life. Without this precious elixir, he quickly reverts to an aged state. His latest group of unsuspecting visitors consists of several very fit beauties, a couple of jocks, and journalist Jeremy (Wong), who is writing an article about Po. What follows is incredibly dumb, but rather enjoyable nonsense, that, like a fine wine, has improved with age.

6.5 out of 10, rounded up to 7 for all the big-haired babes.