Click: The Calendar Girl Killer

Take one part "Eyes of Laura Mars" ripoff (photographer shoots models in kinky violent situations, then somebody starts killing the models) plus one part even cheesier "Psycho" imitation (transvestite killer with major mommy issues), add terrible dialogue, enormous 80s teased hair, opening/closing credits with tacky girls-'n'-guns imagery, choppy/sloppy grade-C film-making, and....Well, let's just say this might strike you as one of the stupidest/funniest films ever made, IF you're watching with friends and have had a few drinks. Otherwise, it's campy enough for dedicated bad-movie aficionados but not quite enough to be an outright camp classic. There's no violence, gore or nudity (unless bikinis count) until all ridiculous hell breaks loose in the last half hour, and even then those elements are pretty feeble. But it's all so ineptly sleazy you might not mind.

I got this movie as part of set of eight movies I paid four bucks for, so keep in mind I'm probably going to be overly generous to it (Whatever you do, do not waste more than 50 cents trying to see this). The movie is basically about a deranged transvestite nurse killing bimbo models during a closed fashion shoot in the California desert. But is the nurse connected to the deranged, violence-obsessed photographer who's putting on the shoot? Well, I don't want to ruin it, but it ruins itself pretty well.

The movie starts with a gratuitous nude scene, and for that matter, a completely completely gratuitous appearance by former Playboy Playmate Dona Speir. She completely disappears afterwards though when the action shifts out to the desert. There's plenty of other bimbos to be had, however, including future "Baywatch" babe Traci Dali. I have to wonder about the reviewers who say these girls are "unattractive"--if they happen to be personally dating MORE attractive girls than these, then they're definitely wasting their time reviewing crap movies on the internet. The girls are definitely very sexy both in and out of their skimpy bikinis, but--trust me here--this movie has absolutely NOTHING else going for it. Has-been matinée idol Troy Donahue and never-really-was character actor Ross Hagen are functional at best. The plot is generic and stupid. The visuals are cheap and uninspired. And the music is downright execrable.

This might be worth seeing for fifty cents, but it's definitely not worth a penny more.

Ross Hagen home movie has a deranged transvestite knocking off centrefold models at a photographer's isolated ranch. Next big thing (Sims) is lured to the ranch to advance her career, but her disapproving boyfriend (Cummins) follows her and ends up part of the ensuing madness.

Shot on video, Hagen has spared no expense with his pyrotechnic displays, use of blank ammunition and fake tan, while the stunts are unlimited and the cast attractive and diverse. Troy Donahue has a few pointless scenes as Hagen's pastel-coloured polo shirt wearing assistant, while Hoke Howell has a virtual cameo as a PI investigating the strange disappearances of models. Some audiences might recognise Tracy Dali and Dona Speir from other, eh, publications although their roles are strictly ancillary (Speir has a prominent role in the first two scenes then abruptly disappears without explanation). As for Hagen's performance as the offbeat snapper, he looks professional if tired, but really comes to life in the final act, nursery rhymes and all. A performance not to be missed.

There's a couple of humorous moments where Cummins learns to fight and teaches a male model to ride his motor-cycle, but it's still pretty flimsy with an awful lot of time spent with Sims (vaguely reminiscent of a young Elisabeth Shue) and Cummins arguing, then making up, then arguing again etc etc. The film ambles to 80 minutes which gives you an idea of how much action, or lack thereof, is contained in the movie. No issue with Ross Hagen wanting to show that movie-making is accessible to almost any budget, just wish he had a better concept before he embarked on this glorified home movie.

To "Plan Nine From Outer Space" and "Robot Monster", we can safely add this lot of trash as one of the worst movies ever made. I read the reviews of this movie before I actually watched it. This was so I would be prepared and could compare my thoughts with those of other who have gone before me. Having read others' comments, I wasn't expecting much and I certainly wasn't disappointed. I paid 99 cents for the DVD of this rubbish in a bargain bin sale. Alas, I was ripped off!! Seriously though, this movie is so bad, it's a must see. I haven't been allowed to post this comment because it didn't contain enough lines. So, I'll just say that it's a shocker.

John

Average. Action and T, & A. Plenty of early 20's girls, fashion models. The sounds of all the guns (and some explosions) were strangely soothing to me. You would call this mindless entertainment. As far as caring about the characters; you don't mind if they get killed.