Margaret Lockwood credited as playing...
Iris Matilda Henderson
- Gilbert: Can I help?
- Iris Henderson: Only by going away.
- Gilbert: No, no, no, no. My father always taught me, never desert a lady in trouble. He even carried that as far as marrying Mother.
- Gilbert: Come on, sit down, take it easy. What's the trouble?
- Iris Henderson: If you must know, something fell on my head.
- Gilbert: When, infancy?
- Iris Henderson: You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in all my life!
- Gilbert: Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
- Iris Henderson: I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?
- Charters: Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I?
- Caldicott: Indubitably.
- Iris Henderson: Yes, but you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember.
- Charters: Yes, I recall passing the sugar.
- Iris Henderson: Well then you saw her.
- Charters: I repeat we were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket.
- Iris Henderson: Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people.
- Charters: Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to be said! Come Caldicott. "A thing like cricket!"
- Gilbert: Wrong tactics. We should've told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
- Iris Henderson: Did you notice the nun in there with the patient?
- Gilbert: No, not really...
- Iris Henderson: Nuns don't wear high heels.
- Iris Henderson: I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything. I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs. I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean. What is there left for me but marriage?
- Iris: Boris? Miss Henderson speaking. Look, someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant. Move one of them out, will you? I want to get some sleep.
- Miss Froy: My name's Froy.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Did you say Freud?
- Miss Froy: No. O-Y, not E-U-D. Froy.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: l'm sorry l can't hear.
- Miss Froy: Froy! lt rhymes with joy!
- Iris Henderson: [Seated with Gilbert in the Foreign Office waiting area] Where are we going for our honeymoon?
- Gilbert: I don't know, somewhere quiet. Somewhere where there are no trains.
- Foreign Office Man: [Emerging from the door to an office] Mr. Campbell will see you now.
- Gilbert: [Walks toward the door with Iris, then stops] Wait a minute. It's gone!
- Iris Henderson: What's gone?
- Gilbert: Why the tune! I've forgot it!
- Iris Henderson: No, no!
- Gilbert: Wait a minute, let me concentrate.
- [sings]
- Iris Henderson: No, no, no , no, that's the Wedding March!
- Gilbert: What was she wearing? Scotch tweeds wasn't it?
- Iris Henderson: Oatmeal tweeds.
- Gilbert: I knew it had something to do with porridge.
- Iris: [Following Miss Froy back to her compartment] Thank you for looking after me when I was - well, knocked out before.
- Miss Froy: Never mind, dear. Now if I were you I'd try to get a little sleep. It'll make you feel quite well again! There's a most intriguing acrostic in the Needlewoman. I'm going to try to finish it before you wake up.
- [Watches and then smiles as Iris closes her eyes]
- Hotel Manager: Everything is ready! I didn't change anything.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Not even the sheets. We know. Lead on, Boris.
- Hotel Manager: You see, l didn't expect you to come so quickly.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Our legs gave out on us. We had to do the last lap in a farm cart.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: You were about to tell me of your theory.
- Gilbert Redman: Oh, my theory. Well, my theory, my dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed. Thank you, very much. Let us marshal our facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.
- Julie: The only thing like about him is his moustache.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: You're a couple of cynics. l'm very fond of him.
- Blanche: Well, l'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Serve us some supper, Boris, in our room.
- Julie: I could eat a horse.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Don't put ideas into his head. Some chicken, Boris.
- Hotel Manager: Yes.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: And a magnum of champagne.
- Hotel Manager: Certainly.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: And make it snappy.
- Blanche: Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight we're painting it red.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant. Move one of them out, will you? l want to get some sleep.
- Iris Matilda Henderson: Where are you?
- Gilbert Redman: I'm in here with a strong smell of camphor balls.