Atomic Train

Oh... no, wait. That's right. IT DID!!! This was on the "Rent three movies, get the 4th one free" rack. That should have been the first clue. I thought, "I'd watch anything with Mena Suvari in it." but, no. I'll never watch this again even if a later Director's Cut shows her wearing just a smile in a deleted scene. This movie, and ones like it, are a clear illustration as to why I usually fold laundry and do the ironing while I watch. Even if the movie sucks - as this one did, hard enough to pull a bowling ball through a garden hose - it's not a total waste of 2 hours. At least I got the laundry done. Oops, I need this to be ten lines. Okay, this movie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sucked.

The piece starts interestingly enough, as a train carrying hazardous materials and a contraband nuclear warhead rattles its way across the mountains towards Denver with a serious case of brake-failure. The film never quite manages to be the action-adventure flick that the its creators probably intended (my fellow Dayton-ian Rob Lowe as Action Man?), but it does rather start to work as a comedy - a comedy of errors. Just when you think you've reached the end of your bad luck day, yet another incredible coincidence comes up that plunges the characters into harm's way.

I won't give away any of the various plot twists, but my wife and I started to laugh every time an ignorant walk-on character delivered a line like: "I've got to do something right now, because lives are at risk". This is, perhaps, one thing that distinguishes this film from other American-made catastrophe flicks: it does not glorify the plucky non-professional and well-meaning individualist who rebells from authority but then manages to save the day anyway. (Sorry, Bruce Willis.) These sorts of "rugged individuals" (i.e., stupid but well-meaning folk) keep recurring - mostly as cannon fodder for the ever-increasing body count.

Perhaps the moral of the movie could be summarised as, "this is what happens when you don't listen to the people in charge", or even, "no good deed goes unpunished". Unfortunately, the President of the US himself (played by reliable character actor Edward Herrmann) is given the unsavoury task of delivering the trite and didactic concluding thoughts near the end of the piece.

Come on, Rob, you are better than this train wreck waiting to happen.

Though it may not be technically well done or sufficiently researched, Atomic Train is immensely entertaining, with excellent locations and good pacing. The special effects were actually very good, as was the editing/ sound editing.

Nothing much can be said about the mediocre acting (Rob Lowe wasn't bad, it was just the awful support), and the whole thing plays out like an extended 'Black Dog' with a different plot line as far as writing and production values go.

Still, if you feel like mindless entertainment for a Sunday afternoon, Atomic Train might do the trick.

For a reality check, please digest these facts and compare them to the fiction of this mini-series:

**Nuclear weapons are no longer transported on trains in the U.S.

**Nuclear weapons are never armed when transported.

**Nuclear waste and nuclear weapons are NEVER transported together.

**Nuclear waste is transported in containers designed to withstand extraordinary external challenges (i.e. fire of 2000 F, impact of a locomotive at 80 mph, water immersion, sabotage, etc.).

**In the past 30 years, nearly 3,000 shipments of used nuclear fuel has been transported safely via highways and railways in the U.S., as have more than 45 million packages of radioactive materials.

**Eight containers have been involved in transit accidents. All remained intact with no release of radioactive material.

**The first priority of federal, state and local agencies who regulate shipments of radioactive materials is the safety and welfare of the public.

For lack of a harsher adjective, this movie was bad. I suppose you're not surprised, considering it's a TV movie with the requisite impossible plot, wimpy soundtrack and endless....endless.......poor writing.

My only question: Why on earth did Mena Suvari do this movie?