Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels

You think full body waxing is painful? Then try suffering through this inane travesty, which HAS to be one of the most irritating and incompetently made horror comedies I have ever had the misfortune of suffering through.

Sharon (Jill Miller), a lingerie saleslady and city council member, and Sven (Tre Lovell), a barber and her best friend, team up to stop `Chez Yvonne,' a beauty salon which specializes in the removal of body hair. Using a specially formulated wax treatment, innocent customers are turned into lusty living dead minions who chant `no more pesky body hair' over and over again and have insatiable sex drives. The evil lady in charge, Yvonne Wayne (soft porn actress Gwen Somers in a blonde wig), is a cackling, caped, motorcycle-riding dominatrix who moves from city to city turning folks into `zombies' (the filmmakers didn't bother with any make-up or special effects).

Unmercifully overacted by the entire talent-barren cast, the director (who apparently does not understand the meaning of scene continuity) stoops to using speeded-up film, `comical' sound effects (`boing!,' kazoo, flatulence, etc.) and T&A provided by women who look like they've been around the block (a few thousand times) in an attempt to entertain his audience. He fails miserably. Interjected mid-scene, for no apparent reason other than to pad out the running time, are flashes of the moon or boats or lightning or even military stock footage. I honestly had to stop this video four times and take a breather before I could finish it. Let's hope we never have to hear from director Mike J. Roush or scripter Elizabeth S.J. Bergholz ever again, but after this, it is doubtful we will.

Score: 1 out of 10

Oh merciful heavens, is this ever one of the most terrible 'zombie' movies to be put out there, for a start it wasn't even really about zombies from what little I was able to discern from the incoherent chaos that they called the plot, it was mostly just a lot of footage of very scantily clad females riding on motorcycles, and maybe to some that constitutes an enjoyable bad horror movie but nah, this was just rotten, there was no story! It's funny the way that no matter how many bottom of the barrel efforts you see there's always the glorious poop-diamonds like this winner here just waiting around the corner to give you a big surprise! The ones like this are truly the worst because they're such earsplitting pains to sit through and are positively bursting at the seams with stupid, and Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels is one of the worst most incompetent pieces of zombie movie trash I have ever come across in all my movie watching days, and so please, if you should ever have the misfortune to find a copy of this in some bargain bin somewhere, do yourself a favour and buy it, so that you may subsequently, burn it!

Pretty awful stuff. Even though I thought I knew I was getting into a trashy trashy movie it exceeded my expectations of badness. The worst thing about it though is that it's just dull. I was almost falling asleep a lot despite not being tired, I was up for hours after it finished! Some people will like it, but only very, very easily entertained simple-minded folks with no sense of discretion in what they watch. Hell, I like a bunch of Troma and other low budget trash like Ankle Biters and Troll 2. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this is in that class. Those movies are actually funny. The thing with this one is that it trys to be funny and manages only to mildly amuse for a second here and there.

One thing, if you are a fan of fake boobs you will probably think it's great, as there is a fair amount of attempting to wax womens tits for some reason. Well, the reason being to show plastic tits for those that like that kind of thing. I'm a naturals fan, so this movie really had nothing for me at all.

My only requirement is production value. I'm just not down with 7th grade video projects for the camera club. That brings us to this. This is just friggen pathetic. FIN

You say you want a great storyline?

You sau you want excellent directing?

You say you want superb writing?

You say you want an amazing cast with incredible acting?

You say you want a musical tracl for the ages?

You say you want to be glued to your seat wonding what comes next?

You say you want the most satisfyig movie you've ever seen?

Well you better think about looking elsewhere because this puppy fais on every measurement except the 38 Double D's.

It's a movie that is basically one step above Troma garbage. A small step at that.

Not sure who put the money up for this fiasco, bt they must have lost a bundle.