Episode list

Home on a Saturday night, Tom suddenly panics over feeling old, so he hits the clubs on his own while Linda stays in drinking wine and drunkenly flirting with Jez. While Tom is out he meets Nino, a good-looking Italian, but the next day he wakes up with Kevin from Manchester.

After a night out Tom wakes up with Neville, an irritating security guard he throws out, while a horrified Linda finds she has gone to bed with Maddie, a lesbian who praises her sexual technique. She tries to prove she's straight by accosting a man in the bar where Neville works, then by taking on one of dominatrix Beryl's clients.

When Linda finds a love letter from an admirer, she assumes it's Jez and does her best to vamp him; Tom has an audition to play a criminal in a reconstruction sketch for 'Crimewatch,' but on his way to the audition he slips on the overly-polished floor and breaks his leg.

Screamingly vulgar Linda La Hughes and screamingly camp Tom Farrell share a flat in a house owned by resident landlady and former prostitute Beryl Merit. One day they find an attractive scantily-clad black man in their kitchen and both make a play for him. He teases them by pretending to be an escort, but in fact he's Jez who has just moved in the flat below them - with his girlfriend Suze.

Stuck in the flat with a broken leg, Tom gets a home-helper called Shirley: a mentally unstable man who loathes having a woman's name and having that fact mentioned. Linda finally gets a date, but flower-deliveryman Joe is a no-unmarried-sex Christian.

When Tom lands a job in the World of Sofa series of adverts, he attracting the attention of conceited actor Rick Cheesecloth, with whom he starts a relationship despite Rick's animosity to Linda, though it ends when Rick goes back into the closet. Linda falls for Ron, an attractive co-worker on the mashed-potato assembly line but loses him to plain colleague Daisy. She and Tom end up advising each other on picking up, given their lack of success with men.

Tom purchases a cat which he hopes will make him lots of money - about £5000 a week; Linda has been visiting her prison pen pal, "Freddie Windrush," and he escapes to see her and they plan to go to Spain together. Linda tells Tom that Freddie is her long-lost German cousin Fritz, which he believes....and Tom and "Fritz" end up sleeping together. It looks like Fritz will be going to Spain with Tom instead...unless someone recognizes Freddie and calls the police.

Linda and Tom are shocked to find an open coffin in the building containing the corpse of landlady Beryl. They are visited by a jocular undertaker and then by Beryl's handsome young Spanish toy-boy Pedro. Planning to exploit his grief to bed him, Linda and Tom are interrupted by...Beryl. Suze thinks it's thoughtful of Beryl to show up for her own funeral, but actually..

When Tom hits The Big 3-0, his parents show up to say Happy Birthday....and to unintentionally aggravate him. They tell him they're staying in a caravan and using his bathroom; displeased, he asks Linda to come on to his father to scare him off. But it backfires..

Tom agrees to a show marriage with American lesbian Gloria so she can stay in the country with her girlfriend India. Linda hates Gloria but is attracted to her brother Vince, who promises to feature her in his porn film. Degsy, a gay friend Tom fancies, designs the extravagant wedding gown. After the wedding Linda and Tom exchange confessions regarding their desire objects, unaware they're in for shocks.