Champagne and Bullets

Well, they're sleek and they're slidin' all across the floor Groovin' two-by-two, stompin' for some more That's when my eyes catch you and my heart begins to sing Oh pretty baby I imagine you can swing The beat starts a-movin as they push me from my chair My fingers start a-snappin' when I run 'em through your hair I got to get to you, but I get to the side Cause everybody's doin' the shimmy and the slide You're on fire when I grab you by the hand Your waist is movin' with the rhythm of the band My eyes swell up as you take me for a ride Come on pretty baby, let's do the shimmy slide Well, I've had a couple beers and I'm feeling just right I'm sweatin' all over cause her dress is so tight I try to act cool, but you just won't stop Oh pretty baby, you make me so HOT It's time to go home, you're gonna jump in your car I know I got it started 'cause my heart's on fire You say jump in, let's go for a ride Maybe we'll do the shimmy and the slide You're heart's on fire when I grab you by the hand Your waist is movin' with the rhythm of the band My eyes swell up as you take me for a ride Come on pretty baby, let's do the shimmy slide HOOO! Let's do it again!

Oh, you're on fire when I grab you by the hand Your waist is movin' with the rhythm of the band My eyes swell up as you take me for a ride Come on pretty baby, let's do the shimmy slide HOT DAMN!"

John de Hart wrote, produced, starred, directed, and did the singing and music composition for this "I Love Me" film. And he was a trainwreck at each job, even after 3 reworks. His character is a Mary Sue of course (or whatever the male equivalent is), but ironically when he is onstage at the "bar" singing one of his own songs, he has this cringeworthy "deer in the headlights" look the entire time. Using another of his songs as an overlay also sucks the life and any eroticism out of what should be an exciting scene where the main gets to undress and have fun with a Playboy centerfold. And unlike Neil Breen and Ed Wood films, this movie simply has no charm to create some kind of saving grace. There is no path forward to recommend this in any way.

This is probably the absolute WORST THING EVER PUT TO FILM! And it's not just BAD BAD...it's God AWFUL HORRIBLE! If you REALLY WANT to lose precious time out of your life,then go ahead and give it a watch. Personally,I would rather slowly drip battery acid into my eyes for 90 minutes...at LEAST I would have felt SOMETHING for an hour and a half! I don't think I have ever seen WORSE ACTING from a lead actor...EVER! And if you want to hear said actor SING...ramming an ice pick into your ears would be more pleasant. Seriously folks...I don't even recommend this dumpster fire of a "movie" to be watched as a "fun time"...you pretty much feel embarrassed for EVERYONE in the "movie" for the entire run time. And if you even can watch it for FREE...I HIGHLY ADVISE you not to. It's THAT BAD.

Toodles.

I have watched numerous awful films during my life thanks to a strange love affair with bad movies fostered by Mystery Science Theater 3000 and now Rifftrax. One thing I have to say about this film right off the bat, is that it was really entertaining. Very bad to be sure, but it had me laughing. It also may have been edited awfully, but it looks like a movie.

The story has a drug bust gone wrong and two cops get set up by there boss whose name I thought was Norman, but was actually Norbad or something. Not important as we follow this guys as one reunites with the love of his life then serenades her with an awful song! A satanic cult enters the picture and soon we have a revenge...well after a lot of horrible songs.

The cast has a guy, Hart who literally made thus film, kind of like the guy who did Dangerous Men. Wings Hauser is in this, feel kind of bad for him as he at times chews the scenery and at other times looks bored. The cult leader/officer/judge sounds like his voice is lined with gravel. It literally sounds like it hurts for him to speak, thank goodness he did not have a song.

So it was a fun watch and really bad film. Lots of boob shots and lots of champagne. Not as many bullets as the title might imply. Take the horrible songs out and it may be a better film, but would probably reduce the comedy value. The guy who made this obviously had a high opinion of himself and thanks to that we got this!

Not Outsider Art, whichever title you go with ('Geteven', 'Champagne and Bullets', or 'Road To Revenge' - Indeed, this warranted 2 rereleases, the thinking seemingly is, 'The marketing's in the title; we just gotta find the right one'), so strap in. Nudity and bootscootin''s the future of nonsense ...