Vampire on Bikini Beach

Unbelievably bad beyond comprehension. Plus the movie is infested by weird and obnoxious young people from the 1980s with their stupid hair and clothes. I was blown away by the stupid plot, script, acting, and even sound effects. In one scene, a collapsing building sounds exactly like a person with long, drawn out flatulence, and there are birds chirping nonstop at night for no apparent reason. Quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen except for "Us" (2019).

First off, I don't know what film "Brandon Sites" is talking about, but it's not this one because there's no supermodel T&A or even regular gal T&A (ok, maybe one brief "A" shot) anywhere to be found in this movie...that would at least make this somewhat redeemable.

Instead, this is a done on the cheap effort, with lots of master-shots and actors who were probably attending those kind of acting classes that met in vacant storefronts at strip-malls. The film tries to be a slightly-comedic horror beach-blanket-teen flick, but managing to blend all those genres' together successfully is far beyond the talents on display here. This particular kind of comedy melding teen humor and horror wouldn't be perfected and come to fruition for another decade or so, until Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the TV series) finally figured out how to make it work without causing unintended laughter and cringe-worthiness.

About the only positive thing I can say about this is it does have a few nice beach scenes, if that's what you're looking for. Also, it has some really atrocious 80's pastel clothing and big hairstyles on display, so that's worth a few guffaws right there. But if it's horror, comedy, or anything else (like decent T&A) you're after, you'll be sorely disappointed. I usually say any film is deserving of a release on DVD, but in this case I'll make an exception and say don't waste a disc on this.

Vampire on Bikini Beach (1988) was available on Tubi last month. The storyline follows a group of teenage friends in Southern California who accidentally discover the book of the dead. Unfortunately for them, a cult of vampires are after the book to open a gate and take over the world. Can the teenagers stop them?

This movie is written and directed by Mark Headley, in his only directorial project, and stars Jennifer Badham (Men at Work), Stephen Mathews (The Lost Boys) and Jennifer Jostyn (House of 1000 Corpses).

This has a classic 80s feel to it with the hairstyles, attire, slang, soundtrack and cinematography. The best part of the entire movie is the book and the special effects they use to show it's power. Everything else is awful - the dialogue, storyline, kill scenes and villain are all disappointing. There isn't even any nudity in this, maybe a butt shot or two, but no nudity and the female on the poster definitely isn't in this. 😂 Even the love story in this is annoying.

Overall, there's nothing to see here. I would score this a 2/10 and recommend skipping it.

Group of super models mixing business with pleasure on a tropical island fall prey to vampires who stalk and kill the models in between hot photo shoots. A " USA Up All Night" favorite, this so called vampire movie is just really an excuse to showcase beautiful women in certain state of undress. It is rather cheap looking and this production leaves much to be desired, but there is a good amount of T & A which should keep you more then entertained.

Rated R; Violence, Nudity, Sexual Situations, and Profanity.

I saw this movie twice. The first time was on "USA Up All Night" when I left my friends at some bar where the girls weren't biting and went home to watch TV, still more than a little drunk. The second time was more recently, middle-aged like I am now and stone-cold sober.

The movie itself is nothing to write home about. Like a lot of "USA Up All Night" movies, it is very, very low-budget. It is a complete failure as a vampire movie and only a little better as a bikini movie (there is some nudity, but precious little, and it would have been edited out on "USA Up All Night" anyway). The best part of the movie though was when "USA Up All Night" host Gilbert Gottfried did a fake commercial for an album of the "Greatest Hits of Bob's Band". "Bob" is the completely untalented boyfriend of the lead bikini-clad bimbo in this movie. His band has all of two songs (both awful) and the commercial just scrolled these two songs over and over while "Bob's Band" plays them "live" in scenes from this dumbass movie. I fell out of the chair laughing. It was the best time a young guy could possibly have in the early 90's all by himself on a Saturday night with all his clothes on.

Seeing this movie later, eh. It's not really worth it. It REALLY needs Gilbert Gottfried.