The Crippled Masters

"The Crippled Masters" manages to establish it's tone quite early: within the first ten minutes, you already know this thing isn't going to make a lick of sense. If you were to get your arms cut off would you a)bleed heavily and shriek like a little girl or b)just sorta walk it off and go to a teahouse? If you went for a), you have no business being in this movie's universe. This movie relies heavily on the one gimmick it has going for it, but thankfully it's good enough to last...until around halfway or so. The problem I sorta have here is that they came up with a plot so genius that they didn't bother to do any more writing. The structure is your typical first act injustice-second act training-third act vengeance drill, done without any real wit, creativity or even decent-looking martial arts. These choreographies are really poor, it never looks the least bit convincing that these masters are hurting the villains at all. To make matters worse you hear punch sound effects on the worst possible times. Who dubs in a sound effect during a choke hold, let alone that particular sound effect? Did the sound guys even watch the movie while they did all this? It's just kind of a lazy production, that's all I'm saying. But the gimmick well, it still provides a lot of fun. You just wish they had saved this idea for a production that knew what to do with it. Oh well, I enjoyed it anyway.

"The Crippled Masters" qualifies as one of the weirdest entries in the Kung Fu genre, which was so popular in urban grindhouses in the early to mid-70's. Despite the 1984 copyright date, this curiosity obviously was filmed at least 10 years earlier & no doubt played a rat infested, inner city theater or two.

No actors or technicians are credited on the New Line print in circulation, but longtime fans will obviously spot some genre vets in supporting roles. The actually crippled "stars" (an armless man and his near-legless partner)probably made this one picture & then faded into obscurity.

A secret Kung Fu society banishes one of its members, but not before cutting of the poor unfortunate fellow's arms. Soon, the individual who presided over this cruel punishment is, himself, banished, suffering an acid bath that nearly disintegrates his legs. Improbably, they end up as partners under the tutelage of an ancient, alcoholic-looking "master" who teaches them kung fu, to help them to exact revenge on the leader of the secret society who ordered their mutilations.

Also figuring into the plot is the search for the "8 Jade Horses", statuettes that imbue "one who understands" with great kung fu powers. Each side wants them, including a "government" investigator sent to find them. This sets the stage for several interminable and amateurish "chop-socky" set pieces as the film lunges and kicks towards its conclusion.

As usual, the dubbing of this Hong Kong production is atrocious and the sound effects accompanying the various blows sound like those of a poorly produced video game. The chief interest of this film is it's sheer "political incorrectness", as it exploits the humiliations experienced by the poor unfortunate cripples cast in the lead roles.

Sadistically sick, but in a cheesy sort of way, it's a definite guilty pleasure. Best viewed with a cold six pack handy!

After antagonising Lin Chang Cao (Chen Mu Chuan), the local crime-boss and deadly master of kung-fu, a couple of gang members are mutilated (one by having his arms chopped off, the other by having his legs eaten away with acid) and left to die. But, through their indomitable wills and with the assistance of an incredibly flexible yoga/kung-fu master, they become deadly fighters, both alone and as a pair. The film is typical low-budget chop-socky with a ridiculous story, a terrible script and/or dubbing, ludicrous over-the-top fight scenes, and (most notably) ridiculous sound-effects. For fans of 70s kung-fu movies, this is all part of the fun but what separates this outing from its peers, and perhaps elevates it to a classic of exploitation cinema, is its cast: Frankie Shum, who was born with only a partial left arm (due to in utero thalidomide exposure) is the armless Lee Ho, and Jackie Conn, whose legs were congenitally atrophied and non-functional, plays the 'leg-less' Tang. The pair are remarkable athletes and, although their fighting prowess seems a bit unlikely under the circumstances, make great heroes as they methodically dispatch Lin Chang Cao's various henchmen before the inevitable final confrontation. Whether the film (like 'Freaks' or 'Terror in Tiny Town' before it) is exploitation or empowerment (or both) can be discussed, but in the end it gave some exposure (and presumably some cash) to a couple of artists who likely found their options limited. Although the film belongs Shum and Conn, the 'Old Man' who can fit himself into a basket (played by Yoga-master Ho Chiu) is also incredible to watch. Oddly, the film opens with a stagey demonstration of the three stars' athletic abilities before cutting to the story proper. Shown as part of TCM's recent focus on 'people with disabilities in film' and probably not what most people would expect at such a retrospective. Recommended as a one-of-a-kind WTF movie to anyone would still tune in after reading a synopsis.

Let's see, what do we have: Old recluse teacher type, check. Bizarre training regimine, check. Tea house scene, check. Evil bad guy with secret problem, check. Bolo Yeung, hmmm missed on this point, but there is at least one wannabe. Actor with face painted a weird shade of white/green, check.

Unusual items that make this one different? Never seen the butt used with such force before! The use of too handicapped individuals was very different, one with a limited stump of an arm instead of two and one with two fairly useless legs.

All in all very typical of the genre. Fight scenes abound linked together with a bit of a plot. The most interesting part was watching the two heroes work their way around doing daily tasks.

This is a pretty ordinary martial arts flick overall, plot-wise. Good Guy is done wrong, is trained in martial arts by an Old Master, good guy gets revenge, the end. The Good Guy, in this case, however, is not just humiliated like the heroes in these films generally are, but dismembered. Both arms are hacked off. Then he's humiliated. There is an interesting twist, however, in that the fellow who has the hero's arms hacked off has his own legs shriveled into uselessness by the Bad Guy, Lin Chung Kung, pouring acid on them. There are some decent martial arts sequences to keep things interesting, but when The Old Master is introduced into the story, seemingly for no reason at all, in food basket, it just gets too corny. I suppose no one really expects high cinematic art from these things, though, do they?

One of the most interesting things about this film are the stars, Frankie Sum (Lee Ho) and Jack Conn (Tau). Sum was a thialidomide baby leaving him born with underdeveloped arms. Conn's legs were left small and withered due to developmental problems during his mother's pregnancy. The result is a film watched with the same voyeuristic interest that you have watching Tod Browning's Freaks. It's at times so disturbing you can't look away. Their acting is at best wooden (though Sum's work with the staff is pretty cool), but give them credit for trying.

Bad acting, worse dialog, but I can't understand why this one hasn't developed the cult following it deserves. Not an outstanding film, even by the low standards of the genre, but it should be seen by aficionados of the grotesque and martial arts both at least once.