The Crippled Masters

"The Crippled Masters" manages to establish it's tone quite early: within the first ten minutes, you already know this thing isn't going to make a lick of sense. If you were to get your arms cut off would you a)bleed heavily and shriek like a little girl or b)just sorta walk it off and go to a teahouse? If you went for a), you have no business being in this movie's universe. This movie relies heavily on the one gimmick it has going for it, but thankfully it's good enough to last...until around halfway or so. The problem I sorta have here is that they came up with a plot so genius that they didn't bother to do any more writing. The structure is your typical first act injustice-second act training-third act vengeance drill, done without any real wit, creativity or even decent-looking martial arts. These choreographies are really poor, it never looks the least bit convincing that these masters are hurting the villains at all. To make matters worse you hear punch sound effects on the worst possible times. Who dubs in a sound effect during a choke hold, let alone that particular sound effect? Did the sound guys even watch the movie while they did all this? It's just kind of a lazy production, that's all I'm saying. But the gimmick well, it still provides a lot of fun. You just wish they had saved this idea for a production that knew what to do with it. Oh well, I enjoyed it anyway.

The movie flies out of the starting gate with the punishment of Lee Ho. We do not know his crime, just that his arms have to go. You heard correctly. They chop off both his arms. As further humiliation and disgrace, they throw his bleeding, armless body into the dusty street. Minutes after his loss, Lee Ho stumbles through the streets, where his bleeding and armless body is mistaken for a beggar. He offers a man a little money to let him eat, for the promise of double pay the next time (think J. Wellington Wimpy type). He never actually gets to eat anything but is nearly beaten to death. He gets thrown out with the trash and dead bodies, ending up being rescued by the undertaker. He is then discovered by Black and White (henchman of Nin Li Kong, a.k.a. the Master, pronounced Ninja Kong) and is beaten again. After nearly drowning, feeding on some leftover rice and pig feed, Lee finds some purpose. We see Lee performing lots of chores, games and even fighting skills. This is very inspirational stuff.

Ninja Kong (a.k.a - the Master) continues the carnage by taking out the man responsible for dishing out the punishment to Lee. He pours acid over his legs, beats him up and then throws him thrown off a cliff. Ninja Kong seems like he might be Triad. He is constantly trying to strong arm people. He has a scar under his left arm and a playboy mustache. The legless one manages to crawl away but kismet intervenes and instead he meets up with Lee. Lee is obviously angry and pounds on the "leg-less" master.

In the middle of this fight, a wise-old man pops out of a basket. He does this a few times during the movie. He teaches Lee to forgive and unite. United they can exorcise their revenge on the person responsible for everything : Ninja Kong. We next see the traditional "training" sequences. We see all the deeds these two "crippled" masters can pull off. This is some more inspirational stuff. There is also something about the 8 Jade Horses that people are after, but I lost track of things after a while.

The ending is a bit predictable and a final conflict between protagonists and antagonist is quite obvious. The methodology is the surprise. It must be seen to be believed. There is also a great first person perspective of getting our butts handed to us. This movie feels like it could have been used as communist manifesto. I can very easily imagine seeing this movie at a Saturday night "party meeting". What this movie does have is the guaranteed pick-me up. No matter how sick, angry, down or depressed you are, watching this movie will guarantee you will feel more content with your own situation. Who knew contentment could be had for a one time fee of $5 from your local DVD merchant?

-Celluloid Rehab

If you can put aside story sophistication, story line continuity, and class, you will utterly love this movie.

It is a bizarre story of two crippled people working together to beat their evil master. Once these former enemies pair up with some help along the way, they go head to head with their former master in an unforgettable fight scene in the end.

The Kung Fu was OK, but the ingenuity makes it worth it.

It's mindless fun and the kind of movie that everyone with a sense of humor will love.

Enjoyment factor: 10 Sophistication factor: 0

After antagonising Lin Chang Cao (Chen Mu Chuan), the local crime-boss and deadly master of kung-fu, a couple of gang members are mutilated (one by having his arms chopped off, the other by having his legs eaten away with acid) and left to die. But, through their indomitable wills and with the assistance of an incredibly flexible yoga/kung-fu master, they become deadly fighters, both alone and as a pair. The film is typical low-budget chop-socky with a ridiculous story, a terrible script and/or dubbing, ludicrous over-the-top fight scenes, and (most notably) ridiculous sound-effects. For fans of 70s kung-fu movies, this is all part of the fun but what separates this outing from its peers, and perhaps elevates it to a classic of exploitation cinema, is its cast: Frankie Shum, who was born with only a partial left arm (due to in utero thalidomide exposure) is the armless Lee Ho, and Jackie Conn, whose legs were congenitally atrophied and non-functional, plays the 'leg-less' Tang. The pair are remarkable athletes and, although their fighting prowess seems a bit unlikely under the circumstances, make great heroes as they methodically dispatch Lin Chang Cao's various henchmen before the inevitable final confrontation. Whether the film (like 'Freaks' or 'Terror in Tiny Town' before it) is exploitation or empowerment (or both) can be discussed, but in the end it gave some exposure (and presumably some cash) to a couple of artists who likely found their options limited. Although the film belongs Shum and Conn, the 'Old Man' who can fit himself into a basket (played by Yoga-master Ho Chiu) is also incredible to watch. Oddly, the film opens with a stagey demonstration of the three stars' athletic abilities before cutting to the story proper. Shown as part of TCM's recent focus on 'people with disabilities in film' and probably not what most people would expect at such a retrospective. Recommended as a one-of-a-kind WTF movie to anyone would still tune in after reading a synopsis.

Let's see, what do we have: Old recluse teacher type, check. Bizarre training regimine, check. Tea house scene, check. Evil bad guy with secret problem, check. Bolo Yeung, hmmm missed on this point, but there is at least one wannabe. Actor with face painted a weird shade of white/green, check.

Unusual items that make this one different? Never seen the butt used with such force before! The use of too handicapped individuals was very different, one with a limited stump of an arm instead of two and one with two fairly useless legs.

All in all very typical of the genre. Fight scenes abound linked together with a bit of a plot. The most interesting part was watching the two heroes work their way around doing daily tasks.