On the 2nd Day of Christmas

"On the 2nd Day of Christmas" is absolute torture. It is the cinematic equivalent of coal in your stocking. Here is a movie so unpleasant and manipulative that you will have to take a cold shower just to remove the swarminess.

I have never disliked a Christmas movie so much. It tries to shamelessly manipulate our feelings. This is the kind of movie that Roger Ebert would describe as "taking tears by liposuction". That's how desperate these filmmakers are to move us. Well, it moved me. Off the couch at the halfway point. I usually sit through an entire movie, no matter how bad. But an hour and 10 minutes of this tripe was more than I could bear.

With a more organized and thoughtful screenplay, this could have been a good movie. But this script has several fatal flaws. First, there are no sympathetic or likable characters. When by the twenty minute mark, you want to throw your female lead out the window, you know you're in trouble. Second, the film is overly predictable. We know what's going to happen and sure enough, I successfully predicted everything that happened after the opening ten minutes. Third, the performances feel by the numbers. There's no life or flavor, just routine unpleasantness.

Do yourself a favor. Instead of wasting two hours of your life, read a book, do a jigsaw puzzle, go out for a walk. Just don't watch this movie.

zero stars (out of four)

"The Second Day of Christmas" is a standard but enjoyable holiday film. It is cast well. Mary Stuart Masterson portrays the pickpocket aunt. She's great yet again. (She's an under-appreciated actress in my opinion.) Mark Ruffalo showed off his acting and musical talents.

Howard Hessman has a pointless role. I can't believe he took it either. Come on! He was Dr. Johnny Fever. Now he is David / Santa's Helper.

I would recommend this film but don't expect any great social or spiritual commentary.

This movie starts off as a spoof reference of 'Oliver Twist', it features a professional theft who releases a kid to steal things. Then, Bert comes in, right before Christmas, who agrees to spend time with the little girl to prevent her from the social services.

Now when I had my first experience with 'On the 2nd Day of Christmas', I wasn't astounded but impressed. It featured a lot of good moments, tenderness, happiness, and sometimes mischief but touching scenes. I remember this from 2002 when I was only a kid about nine.

I had to watch it again this year, and thought it was too harsh for kids to watch. There is too much stealing, whining, and attempts to run away and that's not fair. I know this is a family movie but please.

O.K. enough with the comments, but this movie was actually O.K. Nothing special, but I still like the old Santa Clause movie better.

6/10

Bert (Mark Ruffalo) comes from a family of police officers and had aspirations for the profession himself. Unfortunately, his eyes are not perfect enough for the job. Therefore, he has settled into a security guard's position in a major department store. Meanwhile, Trish (Mary Stuart Masterson) and her niece Patsy run street cons where they pickpocket and trick folks out of their wallets. The duo comes to Bert's store where they endeavor to take a gentleman's wallet. But, Bert spies the action. Despite Trish saying that she was merely trying to find the owner of the wallet, the store owner orders her and her niece to the authorities. Yet, its Christmas Eve, as Bert points out. The image of the store will suffer to have a CHILD arrested on the holiday. Therefore, the owner commands Bert to take the two back to his, Bert's, apartment and keep an eye on the them until the day AFTER Christmas. Ho ho ho, this should be fun. Trish and Patsy try to run away at least a couple of times, but Bert matches wits with them. Since the two adults are single and good-looking, can a thief and a guard fall for each other? You bet! This sweet, somewhat derivative film has two attractive, talented lead actors who carry the film along nicely. All other actors, including Howard Hesseman, are fine while the film has good sets, costumes, and plot concepts. Are you the type who loves holiday romances? This one will work its warm and fuzzy charm on you.

When I first read the overview of this movie I thought that it sounded familiar. I checked my Christmas movies and it turned out that Remember the Night from 1940 written by Preston Sturges was the film. Here is IMDb's overview of that film which starred Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray "Just before Christmas, Lee Leander is caught shoplifting. It is her third offense. She is prosecuted by John Sargent. He postpones the trial because it is hard to get a conviction at Christmas time. But he feels sorry for her and arranges for her bail, and ends up taking her home to his mother for Christmas" And once again they fall in love... If you enjoyed "On the 2nd Day of Christmas" then you might enjoy this older B&W film with a similar theme.