The Days of Our Years

This is one of two train safety films produced by Union Pacific (the other being Last Clear Chance). Ostensibly a primer on the finer points of safety while working on the railroad, it is really more of a subtle propaganda piece. If you suffer an accident as a Union Pacific employee, you are the same kind of idiot as the characters in this short. Further, since the narration is provided by a reverend from the First Church of Union Pacific, your accidents are also evidence of your moral failings.

To drive these points home, we're shown three accidents:

Accident #1: Joe Provides His Own Dead Man's Curve

Joe is in love with Helen. He works as an electrician; she slings hash at the local diner. Come 5 pm, some dark urge overtakes Joe, and his desire to be with Helen overwhelms every other thought, even his own instinct for self-preservation. He drives so recklessly trying to reach her that he ends up rolling his pickup truck right over his spinal column.

My questions start where the reverend's narration ends: Why was Joe driving like a maniac trying to reach a girl who isn't going anywhere? Does he drive like this at the end of every shift? If so, why haven't the guys riding in the back of his truck tactfully threatened to kill him if he doesn't knock it off? If not, why is he doing it today of all days? I'm convinced nothing more than Joe's own lack of impulse control is what did him in.

Accident #2: Dead Man Without a Switch

George and Fred, longtime railroad men, are looking forward to their twilight years. Alas, one day, George's diet of whole milk, fried chicken, and Twinkies catches up with him and he suffers a massive heart attack while guiding a locomotive engine. Alone at the controls, he is unable to keep the engine from smashing into the boxcar on which Fred is standing. Fred tumbles to a gruesome demise on the tracks below, possibly beneath the very steel wheels that propel George's twitching body into early retirement.

George now spends his days sulking in a chair. Faced with the choice of losing some weight and getting some exercise, or waiting for that second heart attack to come finish him off, he seems to have opted for the latter.

Of all the accidents presented, this is the one that actually seems somewhat likely. As such, it is also the one that really tests the reverend's assertion that Union Pacific does everything in its power to prevent accidents. There is no dead man's switch in the locomotive, and there is no one there to take the controls once George keels over. Fred is on top of that boxcar with no safety harness. There's gotta be a lawsuit in there somewhere.

Accident #3: Never Light a Cigar with a Welding Torch

Charlie is about to be a new father. As was done in those days, he drops his wife off at the hospital to handle the breathing and pushing and screaming while he goes to work in the machine shop, cigars in hand. The blessed moment arrives and Charlie immediately makes the rounds of his co-workers, including the welder. Excitement trumps common sense as Charlie barrels into his fire-wielding friend, taking (and taking and taking...) a torch to the face and suffering a case of eyeball brulee that leaves him blind.

Seriously, you want to talk workplace safety? Talk about cost- cutting that leads to faulty equipment and unsafe conditions. Talk about workers who take sloppy shortcuts because they're doing something they've done a million times already. Trying to enjoy your life probably won't turn you into a blithering idiot on the job.

Watch this in its original form and you'll feel condescended to; watch the MST3k version and you'll have a blast.

This is set in a small railroad town, and follows the exploits of a preacher. The preacher's congregation appears to be a bunch of thoughtless, accident-prone people who seem to hate getting hurt but can't stop themselves from doing bodily harm to themselves. Pretty bad acting and boring narration shoot this one down.

Let's get married by the Earl Warren clone! Mercifully short, this film may be only 20 minutes long, but it feels like several hours. Union Pacific railroad, who also gave us "Last Clear Chance" did this disaster of a film. Pretty bad acting and narrating shoot this one down.

I love this short, it is so depressing and MST are soooo mean with it and everyone involved. Where the heck does religion play into train safety? Who cares, it's a lot of fun. Earl Warren narrates here about members of his congregation who are train people and hate safety, and how these people will go to hell since they are accident prone.

This is done by the same people who sponsored Last Clear Chance, another classic from Union Pacific, that one involved the police captain from Adam-12. I don't remember Earl Warren being in any other production except supreme court judge. He was a bit pasty which made him perfect for the role. It was law that you could not be tan in the 50's.

It's hard to imagine railroad workers watching this short film without thinking that their company is trying to blame them for all the industrial accidents that occur. It correctly argues that workers should always keep safety in mind while working, but implies that the company would willingly allow people to take time off for simple dizziness or not penalize workers for falling behind in their work. It also insists that the company "does everything in its power to prevent accidents", which in my corporate experience is exactly as likely as *individuals* doing everything possible; that is to say, not at all likely. And by casting this as a kind of sermon by a company-town minister, Union Pacific turns human error into a sin against the company and one's loved ones. Safety, of course, should be regularly emphasized in dangerous industrial environments, but this message appears to be rather one-sided and heavy-handed.

The MST3K version of this short, shown in its "Amazing Transparent Man" episode and available on its "Shorts Volume 2" DVD, is filled with well-timed jokes and entertaining silliness. It's quite funny, unless you've encountered some of the tragic accidents that occur in the short, which would make it hard to be amused by the banter. But it's possible to laugh at the goofy MST3K lines while remembering the short's message: that safety must be consciously and continuously practiced in hazardous environments.