Trembling Before G-d

I am a Jew, albeit a "heathen" Jew, yet I found myself loathing all of these hyper-religious Jews, gay or not. It wasn't until the very end of the film that the director managed to bring us back to the mainstream, the essence, of Judaism with a throwaway quote from one of the film's counterpoint talking heads, a psychologist who had defected from the flock of extreme Orthodox Judaism. To paraphrase his lyrical and solid argument, he reminded us that the God of Judaism is a God of love, not control. He is the same God that engaged in conversations, in the Talmudic tradition, with Abraham and Moses and other biblical figures, in order to respond to the needs of the changing human condition. Until that point it was unclear what the director's point of view was or who her intended audience was for this film. If this portrayal of the most extreme vestige of Judaism was intended for a general audience, then, judging by my own reaction, I'd say she may have succeeded in painting all of Judaism with the same brush. It was clear that the rigid and mindless interpretations of Judaism by the extreme right were being depicted as a bad thing, but where was the Talmudic debate as to why they were wrong? I may not be a religious Jew, and I may not believe in God, but as one of the gay outcasts from the flock explained, I do believe that being born a Jew is a gift. It is Judaism's ancient teachings, that a meaningful life must be spent in pursuit of knowledge and understanding and tolerance in order to better the human condition, that make Judaism such a special tradition to be a part of.

The message that the film SHOULD have made, and failed to do, is that EVERY religion taken to its extreme, including Judaism, is nothing more than a breeding ground for people who are like robotic religious protoplasm. Ultimately, their religious fervor serves only to maintain a symbolic, xenophobic status quo that becomes a perversion of something they blindly devote their life to preserving.

I am that lesbian, and finding the reviews and comments on this film is a sign. I struggle everyday trying to support the woman I love with the guilt and pain she feels in being a married closeted lesbian. I try very hard to understand the issues she faces...ie..shunning, retribution she feels will be directed at her children because of her sexual identity.

I was born and raised a Roman Catholic, so I partially understand the guilt heaped upon us from our religious upbringing. Anyone who has had to live a life of supression can readily admit how difficult it can be. I guess I will never truly understand the pain and guilt she lives with on a daily basis. I know that over the time we have spent together she has openly discussed how she told her husband about her attraction to women before they ever married and yet they married anyway.

I try to help her to understand that when you try to bury feelings and be what others expect you to be, eventually they resurface at the most inopportune times. I don't know whether she will ever come to terms with the choice she wants to make, but I stand by her. I am a woman in love with a married Orthodox Jewish woman, and I will be renting this movie in the hope it will help me understand a little better her daily trials; and how to help her.

There will always be oppression, there will always be bigotry, and there will always be guilt and shame, because organized religion has given us all of these and more. And now here comes a group of gay Orthodox Jews asking their elders and family to deny millennia of religious writings and dogma and accept them unconditionally? I am gay and a Jew and accept the fact that not every person I meet will be happy with either of those affirmations. To find people that will accept both at the same time is rarer still. At least I had the good fortune NOT to be born into an orthodox household. I would have written them off years ago..

This documentary is a caring and touching look at several people caught in a moral and sexual dilemma. Whom do they deny, themselves, or G-d? If they proclaim their homosexuality to their world, they are dismissed or ignored, shunned or exiled. If they repress their feelings and accept the dogmatic teachings of their draconian faith, then they are driven to suffer in silence, or worse, suicide.

This is little more than a modern day inquisition with the parents, the rebbe's and the congregations turning the thumbscrews on these pathetic souls. My heart goes out to all of them, but in my opinion, it is a loosing battle. I would rather see them live as complete a life as they can, knowing they are doing the best that they can, and striving for a shift in attitude in general, not a change in religious doctrine, which will never come.

Few people realize the magnitude of the controversy surrounding this issue, mostly because they have not experienced this struggle in their own lives. This film delves into the lives of several members of the orthodox Jewish community worldwide who struggle with their see-saw lives, trying to find a happy balance between religious & sexual identity. There is a new hope of opening the orthodox Jewish community to the possibility of accepting this growing population. Anyone who has had difficulty with acceptance for any reason, be it religion, race, creed, sexual identity, will be able to identify with those who tell their story. Please support this cause and see this film. The word must be spread and these stories must be heard before the world as we know it can change. Although this film is of a very serious nature, there are lighter moments that lift the spirit and present an air of hope for a better future.

For the moment, imagine being a young child, and you are observing unintentionally that all of your friends show signs of love to opposite sex, which basically creates a clear foundation that it is "the norm" in the society you are in. But then you realize that you have that tingling feeling when it comes to interaction with boys, but nothing happens with girls. Of course, the panic will slowly arise, because it is obvious to you at this age that this is abnormal. And you try to hide deep down your feelings at all, planting that exact seed of conflict of your true nature with the world around you, which is also means that you deny to tell and admit to anyone, even yourself. That basically describes the struggle of vast majority of homosexual people around the world. But, that is not enough: imagine if all of the mentioned things happen in a community, where religion plays huge role in people's life, spreading its roots deep down to most of the aspects of their life. And this particular religion is straightforwardly states that being gay or lesbian is a sin and/or evil quality. In other words, struggles that LGBT people would come up with are multiplied several times. And this is what is shown in the wonderful documentary film called "Trembling before G-d", created in 2001 and based on the six-year work of Sandi Simcha DuBowski interviewing dozens of homosexual people in the Jewish community. Only several out of all were brave enough to agree being part of this film, which already shows how much this particular quality is abnormal to their society. The whole film is constructed around the interviews and people's stories with an addition of commentaries from different psychotherapists and rabbis (teachers in Judaism). The main point here is the conflict between the inner nature of homosexual people and their faith. From the one side, it is written commandments in Torah (Jewish Bible), that being homosexual is a sin and etc., and it was mentioned in the film that it is literally the first line that says breaking the rules is prohibited. In other words, there is a pretty obvious logical contradiction in being gay and religious person at the same time. But on the other side, it is inevitable nature of the human itself, he/she simply cannot go against himself in this particular aspect of sexuality. You just do not feel the same feelings of love and sexual desire to the opposite sex, and there is no matter of controlling it. In the film, actual gay person consulted several times at psychotherapist about this issue, and what he was actually offered were different attempts to change it - whenever he started to feel attracted to men he needed to slap himself by rubber band, or bite his tongue, or hold on the breath, using the logic of waking up from this "cloud". In other case, another homosexual man's story were way more harsh than the previous one - as soon as his father knew about his gayness, he started taking son to mental hospital, where he undergo electroshocking practice, by also suffering from huge pressure towards him. There, we see that being gay/lesbian is not only bad, both parents and society tries to "cure" these people from their sins, by medicine, by performing atonement ceremonies where people prayed for them. This factor also creates large amount of pressure to the individual himself, where he sees that coming out as a gay in this society will cost a lot - lots of health, time, nerves, and different aspects about social life will also change like people evading the contact with him and etc. An interesting phenomenon we can observe here is that it is a fact that being LGBT is considered as a serious sin, and majority of the people who were brave enough to accept it and not be ashamed of it - they try their best to compensate it with lots of good deeds. Trying to shift the balance in the scales for the good side their whole life, which also creates stressful environment. So, where it came up? Gay and lesbian people who can't risk it all to be themselves, lots of people surviving in the marriages with opposite sex just for the sake of family, this is basically how the situation is established in the Jewish society. And the problem is not discussed enough to even reconsider anything, and without the publicly showing and discussing the issue out loud, it could have been the same for the long period of time. But films like this that raise public awareness around this whole situation, they really help to solve the issue and at least show the world that particularly in the Jewish society homosexual people are living in constant agony of conflicting between themselves and their faith.