Ax 'Em

Normally I'm very cinematically tolerant, I can find good in very bad movies. For example I think "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" is a great film. "Ax Em" has nothing redeeming about it. This is a backyard production but that does not always mean a bad viewing experience, there are several creative amateur productions on the video market. This is not one of them. The sound is inaudible most of the time, yet you can clearly hear the director say "cut" after every painful scene. The cast frequently all talks at once making it impossible to understand anything. There is not one effectively executed sequence in the whole production. It is absolutely amazing this film got distributed WIDELY on home video by a company which specializes in "Urban" features. If you subtract all the technical ineptness, you still have a poorly written, poorly directed, poorly photographed, creatively sterile waste of time. Take it from me I have watched 20 years worth of B horror movies.

I was once happy. There was a time for me when life seemed worth living. There was a time when my mind wasn't constantly flooded with images of my own eviscerated corpse hanging from a noose. That was the time before I saw Ax 'Em.

The term "worst movie ever made" is thrown around quite often to describe films of this nature. No one ever anticipates, however, that somewhere in the world, there honestly is a worst movie ever made. I'm not one to make assumptions, but I seriously believe that this is, in fact, the greatest cinematic travesty in history. It's like this Mfume guy sat down and wrote a list of every movie-making no-no that could ever be committed, and then made it a point to stuff every single one of these into one incredibly terrible film (and I use the term "film" quite loosely).

The first thing you'll notice is that there seem to be about six or seven different cameras used, each one more awful than the last. The sound quality is horrendous in ways that simply cannot be understood until you see the movie. The plot seems to be that a bunch of African American individuals dressed in clothing that would've been considered fashionable in 1991 running around trying not to get killed by some sort of zombie/psycho or something. I think. I'm really not sure.

Despite the title, the killer guy only uses an ax like, once. He mostly uses a machete or a gun.

The horrid nature of this film is absolutely mind-boggling in a way that makes you wonder how such a thing even exists.

I've still not completely banished the theory that Mfune made this with the intention of creating some sort of bizarre ironic comedy movie. If this is true, then he should be hailed as a genius.

THis movie is amazing. I rented it from Hollywood Video after hearing it was the worst film ever, I though, "A movie worse than The Item? A Miracle!" No this is not worse than The Item. I rented it on VHS, and the small screen is funny as heck. Then I had to, I had to buy the DVD. The DVD sucks. No disc menu, and they enlarged the screen! The sound is supposed to be stereo sound or whatever but you still cant hear them....friggin hysterical. This movie has so many problems, it is just funny. I cant wait to show this crap to my friends. Check this one out if you wanna see a bad, bad, bad, bad movie. But get it on VHS cause of the small screen. Makes the movie funnier. Micheal Mfume we love you!!!!!!

Without exaggeration, I can safely say that this is the absolutely worst, most low-rent movie I have ever seen in my life. It simply has to be seen to be believed, and even when I was watching it I could hardly believe what I was seeing. Everything about it is atrocious from the effects to the "acting".

For one thing, I have never seen a movie that had a box around the picture. It's really hard to believe that this isn't someones bad student picture that accidently got on the shelves of the video store. The fact that this movie was actually distributed boggles my mind. The sound is so bad you can't hear half of what's being said. The direction is non-existent. The characters are the dumbest, most annoying jerks ever. The effects are so cheap they belong in an Ed Wood movie, not in a film made in 2002. The production values are worse that Manos: the Hands of Fate (chew on that for awhile). I can't say enough how phenomenally bad this movie is. Michael MFume, I hope you are hanging your head in shame.

AX EM, an "urban" flick purportedly about a slasher, is one of only two movies I have given a "1" rating here. The other is NIGHT OF THE GHOULS. I would place MANOS in the same category, but I forget if I ever wrote about it here. AX EM is not a film, and it is hardly even a home movie. It was shot using a camcorder and the cam's mike, so that the sound -- uncorrected, natch -- is beyond the point of muddy. AX EM makes that dancing killer scarecrow movie and that pot-bellied mummy movie look like CITIZEN KANE. A big piece of the running time is given over to footage of an actual urban parade! AX EM is truly unwatchable. I should have known better. I rented it from a store, behind which sits a huge Section 8 housing project. Truly a numbnuts film for numbnuts.