The House That Screamed

Judging by the quality and content of The House That Screamed, I would have guessed that the film was made by a guy in his early twenties—someone with limited movie-making experience and even more limited resources. Turns out that the directors (yes, it took two people to make this 'masterpiece'), John and Mark Polonia, were 32 when they made this and that they had been involved in the film industry for quite some time. Some people should know when to call it a day.

Shot on video, written on a napkin (probably), and edited on drugs (seemingly), this crappy z-grade home-made horror sees the Polonia brothers undecided as to precisely what approach they want to take: serious art-house horror or exploitative trash. Having failed to come to a decision, they do both, while chucking in any other extraneous ideas that pop into their heads while filming. Thus, we get a film that is part incomprehensible audio-visual experiment and part cheap 'n' cheerful cheese-fest in the vein of Evil Dead II.

Really unconvincing gore, dream sequences shot in negative image (a flick of a switch on the camera and, hey presto, cheap and nasty video effects!); irritating rapid editing of random imagery; awful sound (most notably, an overuse of lightning sound effects even when the weather is fine): in terms of technical proficency, The House That Screamed is a disaster.

Fat ghost girl sex; a deadly plastic doll; the Grim Reaper playing Knock Down Ginger: in terms of actual content, The House That Screamed is pitiful.

Very occasionally, the Polonias manage an effectively creepy shot, such as when writer Marty Beck (Bob Dennis) stands on his porch unaware that a ghostly figure is watching him from the window (reminded me a bit of Insidious here), but any genuine scares or creepy atmosphere seems to be down to luck more than judgement.

This is hardly the worst movie ever made or anything like it. It's low budget is painfully obvious and okay, the guy playing the lead couldn't act worth crap. But with a little patience (and a little imagination and an open mind, two things that seem to be in very short supply of late) you can appreciate that this movie had some very creepy moments and some interesting visuals. And to those who feel the need to invoke MST3K (certainly the most pernicious influence on film criticism to ever some along) every time they run into a movie that doesn't instantly remind them of the latest Hollywood blockbuster, I can only say enjoy your smug self satisfaction while you can, because someday (if you're lucky) you'll outgrow it.

From the first seconds you know that this is going to be a low budget flick. The quality isn't exactly what we call superb. But being shot on video I was surprised that the opening was a shower scene with close ups of the girl her breasts so gratuitous nudity for. But then the trouble starts. You could see the cheap effects, just watch the lightning.

The haunted house as for effect they used negative colours to gave it a ghost feeling. That's so cheap and that works sometimes but not throughout the whole flick. Just after the opening credits it do has some cheap gory effects, supposed that the kid decapitated the victims and again some gratuitous nudity from a stripper.

Once that part is done the flick actually starts when a writer is searching for a haunted house. Really bad acting takes you through this possessed flick but not only that, it is rather boring from there on. Well, maybe the stripper returning is the most important thing to look forward to.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 0,5/5 Effects 0,5/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

Sweet Jeezus i was hoping this craptastic waste of space wouldn't even be on this site. I saw The House that Screamed when i was in high school, about 5 years ago, with a friend of mine. Little did we know the horror that actually awaited us when we started the blasted movie up. I honestly didn't think people could actually sell movies that badly done, ooooh boy was I wrong. I could see a group of 10 year olds make a better movie without trying. I swore to myself i would forget what i saw when i started watching this movie, if for no other reason than i don't want to have to claw my eyes out, but i cant do that. I would be less than human if i saw this listening and didn't voice how incredible bad this festering pile of dog droppings is. Lets put it this way if there were rating below -10 i'd give that to this movie without a second thought.

A ghastly stupid and dull haunted house story. Oh, you Polonia brothers when will you ever EVER learn, you silly boys. If you love something, no matter how much if you're just not good at it, then let the dream die. When I was growing up for a brief time I wanted to be a basketball player, I had three things going against me. I was white, short, and no hand eye cooridination, so I let that dream, albeit fleeting as it was, pass on. OK, not the greatest example, but my point is this, you boys can't make turd after steaming turd and still remain serious in you commitment to film. You may be the LAST people to get the joke, but you will. And on that glorious day, you'll both take up a trade that you're good at. Plumbing perhaps...maybe singing telegrams.

My Grade: F