Hellbreeder

Hellbreeder (2004) is a horror mystery movie co-written and co-directed by Johannes Roberts and it follows a killer clown who returns from Hell and goes on a murderous rampage. This movie was a first time watch for me and it was freaking awful.

Positives for Hellbreeder (2004): The movie is only 81 minutes long.

Negatives for Hellbreeder (2004): This movie is extremely low budget in every single department of the filmmaking process. The story is a rip-off of Stephen King's It except it's a cheaper version of that story. The camera quality looks like complete garbage. The acting is atrocious and no one is even trying. The kills are lame and lack any carnage candy. And finally, the ending of the movie is stupid and it makes no sense.

Overall, Hellbreeder (2004) is a cheap and boring rip-off of Stephen King's It that exists for reasons that I will never understand for the rest of my life.

This awful film fell into the hands of my friend recently and I was unfortunate enough to be there that night as he watched it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge horror movie fan. I love both A and B horror but this was the first film in years that actually had me screaming in agony in my head. "God let it end!! Let it end now!!!" kept echoing through my skull as I shifted uncomfortably while cringing. I could think of no other movie that had made me feel so anxious for the ending. The plot was disjointed and shoddy and some of the FX was shady. I normally can overlook those while watching B-movie horror but in this case it all worked for the worse. Steer clear of Hellbreeder.

I have seen lots of movies, good and bad, but this was the worst movie ever, the only horror movie i've seen where the most horrible thing was the movie itself!!!! I mean i LOVE camp movies, cheesy movies etc but not stinkers and this was this biggest gas bomb ever!!! It reminded me of a home movie gummed together by my aunt Flo after a drunken and diurretic trip to Mexico. Only without any of the fun, only the vomit!!! Please don't waste your time or money on this dog, give some blood instead, you won't see any in this movie and when you do you won't care because you're ready to scream from boredom!!!! Don't watch unless you're just currious how bad a movie can be and still make into your local video shop, the most horrible horror movie ever!!!

A woman must put her life back together while chasing after a homicidal killer clown murders her son in this excruciatingly bad exercise in tedium masquerading as a horror film.

Those of you who hoping for a nice 'killer clown' horror flick will be sadly disappointed as the writing/directing team of James Eaves and Johannes Roberts have vastly different plans for those foolish enough to dare watch this film. Plans that involve artsy camera shots, an undeserved aura of pretentiousness, incomprehensible story-line, and other 'art school film project'-type pitfalls. No suspense, no scares, characters that are hard to give a toss about, & a soundtrack that rips-off Halloween (and does so badly) are just a few more reasons to skip this film. I saw this on Instant Netflix and i STILL feel ripped off.

My Grade: F

Eye Candy: Lyndie Uphill gets topless, but it's NOT enough to suffer through this travesty.

How the hell did Darren Day get any acting part - when I realised he was in it I was totally put off (if you are English you will know all that he has ever done or is famous for is poor seaside style singing and dumping girlfriends at the altar), but I still gave it a chance... And it was abysmal.. French Poirot style detective in England? Not checking up on person at murder scene on the spot and going for a drink with them instead etc... It's abysmal.. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.. Avoid this film or anything Darren Day has attached to!! Bad, rubbish, worst British film ever.. I paid £3.30 for it which was £3.29 too much. If you have to watch this film (for example as a punishment in a prison or something) shut your eyes and close your ears!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!