Hellbreeder

AMAZING that anyone thought 70's crooner Darren Day would make a scary bad guy by slapping a bit of clown make up on him and forcing him to say the F word.

AMAZING that out of all the lead actresses they could have picked for the part, they chose one that can't act for toffee, and doesn't even look good with her clothes off (with or without the big, fake chest scar which incidentally, brings me to...)

AMAZING that the make-up effects can actually be worse than every cheapo 50's horror I've seen, and considering how many late nights I've had in front of my old VCR, that's some achievement.

AMAZING that the financiers didn't take one look at the script for this ridiculous thing (I dare not denigrate the word film) and didn't run for the hills.

And AMAZING that anyone can give it more than 1 out of 10. Unless you IMDb voters are practical jokers. VERY FUNNY, DUDES!

About the only use for it is as a tool in the government drive against teens taking LSD. You show this in a school campaign, I guarantee 95% of the audience will never touch the stuff. The other 5% will probably take the DVD home, and watch it repeatedly as a way of getting their fix without going to the nightclub. At least it's cheaper. But it could be infinitely more damaging to their health... 0/10

This movie is nothing to be psyched about! It was hard to follow, confusing, and just ridiculous to ever put the label "Horror" on it.

Something about a psycho woman witnessing her sons death and becoming obsessed with finding her sons killer (and i only know that from reading the movie cover).

Its a waste of time and money, not even bad enough to be laughed at. The only reason the actors could categorized as "good" actors is because they had a maximum of three lines each in the movie! The entire time my head was ringing with some shitty Michael Myers/Circus/hypnotizing music sh*!...

The only reason I rated it a 2 instead of a 1 is because I was put through the high school movie production of "Near Death" last night.

Hellbreeder (2004) is a horror mystery movie co-written and co-directed by Johannes Roberts and it follows a killer clown who returns from Hell and goes on a murderous rampage. This movie was a first time watch for me and it was freaking awful.

Positives for Hellbreeder (2004): The movie is only 81 minutes long.

Negatives for Hellbreeder (2004): This movie is extremely low budget in every single department of the filmmaking process. The story is a rip-off of Stephen King's It except it's a cheaper version of that story. The camera quality looks like complete garbage. The acting is atrocious and no one is even trying. The kills are lame and lack any carnage candy. And finally, the ending of the movie is stupid and it makes no sense.

Overall, Hellbreeder (2004) is a cheap and boring rip-off of Stephen King's It that exists for reasons that I will never understand for the rest of my life.

How the hell did Darren Day get any acting part - when I realised he was in it I was totally put off (if you are English you will know all that he has ever done or is famous for is poor seaside style singing and dumping girlfriends at the altar), but I still gave it a chance... And it was abysmal.. French Poirot style detective in England? Not checking up on person at murder scene on the spot and going for a drink with them instead etc... It's abysmal.. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.. Avoid this film or anything Darren Day has attached to!! Bad, rubbish, worst British film ever.. I paid £3.30 for it which was £3.29 too much. If you have to watch this film (for example as a punishment in a prison or something) shut your eyes and close your ears!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

Unwatchable t*rd, unbearable, actually irritating, hateful crud, painfully dull, painfully feeble, had me hitting fast-forward, the director should be shot, but not before I get my £1.99 refund, Darren Day is the worst person alive - you have to see his retarded scene where he is covered in dirt getting sucked off in the back of a van, it is a atrocious, the whole thing is atrocious - Day even pulls out a script towards the end and starts flicking through it... my God - spooky clowns and dead kids, who gives a damn, give me a break, I'm taking the hammers to this, if I ever see the director(s) (it took two people to sh*t this out?) down a dark street, I'm going to set the dogs on them