Hellbreeder

How the hell did Darren Day get any acting part - when I realised he was in it I was totally put off (if you are English you will know all that he has ever done or is famous for is poor seaside style singing and dumping girlfriends at the altar), but I still gave it a chance... And it was abysmal.. French Poirot style detective in England? Not checking up on person at murder scene on the spot and going for a drink with them instead etc... It's abysmal.. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.. Avoid this film or anything Darren Day has attached to!! Bad, rubbish, worst British film ever.. I paid £3.30 for it which was £3.29 too much. If you have to watch this film (for example as a punishment in a prison or something) shut your eyes and close your ears!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

A woman must put her life back together while chasing after a homicidal killer clown murders her son in this excruciatingly bad exercise in tedium masquerading as a horror film.

Those of you who hoping for a nice 'killer clown' horror flick will be sadly disappointed as the writing/directing team of James Eaves and Johannes Roberts have vastly different plans for those foolish enough to dare watch this film. Plans that involve artsy camera shots, an undeserved aura of pretentiousness, incomprehensible story-line, and other 'art school film project'-type pitfalls. No suspense, no scares, characters that are hard to give a toss about, & a soundtrack that rips-off Halloween (and does so badly) are just a few more reasons to skip this film. I saw this on Instant Netflix and i STILL feel ripped off.

My Grade: F

Eye Candy: Lyndie Uphill gets topless, but it's NOT enough to suffer through this travesty.

At no time throughout this movie did I know what was happening. It was a headache to watch and certainly I read on the back of the DVD what it was meant to be about. NONE of this was conveyed in the film... I was like what the F%@! the whole way through. Unfortunately I had to watch it all as it was a part of the crappy movie marathon we were having but this one takes the cake..... it beats EVERYTHING. Why money was wasted on putting this supposed film on DVD I have no idea. All I know is it WINs, OK Pat, you WIN! I thought it would be a laugh to begin with seeing as the catch line is "he's not clowning around" and seeing the hilarious evil clown photo... it was the hardest movie I've ever had to endure because I honestly did not understand any of it. I think the only people on this planet that would make sense of it are all in mental institutions..

AMAZING that anyone thought 70's crooner Darren Day would make a scary bad guy by slapping a bit of clown make up on him and forcing him to say the F word.

AMAZING that out of all the lead actresses they could have picked for the part, they chose one that can't act for toffee, and doesn't even look good with her clothes off (with or without the big, fake chest scar which incidentally, brings me to...)

AMAZING that the make-up effects can actually be worse than every cheapo 50's horror I've seen, and considering how many late nights I've had in front of my old VCR, that's some achievement.

AMAZING that the financiers didn't take one look at the script for this ridiculous thing (I dare not denigrate the word film) and didn't run for the hills.

And AMAZING that anyone can give it more than 1 out of 10. Unless you IMDb voters are practical jokers. VERY FUNNY, DUDES!

About the only use for it is as a tool in the government drive against teens taking LSD. You show this in a school campaign, I guarantee 95% of the audience will never touch the stuff. The other 5% will probably take the DVD home, and watch it repeatedly as a way of getting their fix without going to the nightclub. At least it's cheaper. But it could be infinitely more damaging to their health... 0/10

I have seen lots of movies, good and bad, but this was the worst movie ever, the only horror movie i've seen where the most horrible thing was the movie itself!!!! I mean i LOVE camp movies, cheesy movies etc but not stinkers and this was this biggest gas bomb ever!!! It reminded me of a home movie gummed together by my aunt Flo after a drunken and diurretic trip to Mexico. Only without any of the fun, only the vomit!!! Please don't waste your time or money on this dog, give some blood instead, you won't see any in this movie and when you do you won't care because you're ready to scream from boredom!!!! Don't watch unless you're just currious how bad a movie can be and still make into your local video shop, the most horrible horror movie ever!!!