Carlita's Secret

The only positive thing i can say about this movie is that eva longoria is easy on the eyes. I hate to judge without viewing in entirely, but it was very difficult to watch. Scenes were predictable, and acting was bad. Looked like something my college buddies and i filmed on spring break.

Why Why did I watch this movie? Well, during the past weekend I was hanging out at my friends house and he wanted to watch this movie because of the lead actress. I wasn't excited to see it, nor was anyone, but we had nothing better to do.

How bad is it?

Sound - 0/10 It's pretty bad. The sound volumes are very annoying and there is a constant barrage of wind in the background. The music overpowers the dialog in almost every scene. Plus the gun shots sound like popping plastic bags.

Music - 0/10 Very lame background music. Sounds sort of like cheap porno music, yet there's no naked girls. Plus there's this one rap song that repeats the word "mutha-f-cka" that plays in almost every scene. Durring one instance, it was on a loop for 12 minutes.

Girls - 4/10 It didn't really do anything for me, nothing to rave about.

Action - 3/10 I'll give it 3 more action points than it deserves. The gun scenes in this movie are hilarious...

Comedy - 6/10 It's a very funny movie because of how bad it is. I love the bar line where the cop goes up to a girl and says "Hey sweetie, can I buy you an orgasm" and then he lays his hand on another girls butt cheek... Classic.

Overall - 1/10 Please don't see this movie. Life is too short to waste.

How could I give this movie 10 stars?

=)...I WAS IN IT !!, sure thats a lame reason but how many movies have you been in?

In response to some of the comments posted to date-

This movie was shot on a very low budget,less than a quarter of a million dollars, in defense of the prod. co. they did double the budget from their previous effort,SENORITA JUSTICE(which was shot on video for about 100k)and shot CARLITA'S SECRET on film. I thank them for hiring me and for shooting here in Miami/Ft Laud.

We started with a decent script,good casting and a 3 week/18 day shooting schedule.That meant trying to shoot 5 pages of script per day (when most productions shoot 1-3 pages a day)with little room for delay or error...most of what you see in the movie are 1st or 2nd takes,once we got it,we moved on.

I think all 3 female leads were great,especially EVA LONGORIA,who is actually as nice a person as she is talented and beautiful,and the movie is entertaining in a "soap opera on crack" sort of way.All the local actors did great too.(totally my opinion) peace,andy sottilare

Well, I rented this film at Hollywood Video because I recognized Eva Longoria's name from Desperate Houswives. She is much younger in this picture. It is a bit of a action thriller story set in Miami. Wild club scenes with music and that kiss that everybody has heard about. She however remains a true blue female. My boyfriend loved the scenes with the sexy ladies in their sexy outfits. I would say it was a decent film to watch on a rainy afternoon. I liked the Latino flavor. The ending was pretty good with the gun scenes. There are so many films out there that are not big screen titles that I enjoy seeing. Givng the independent producer a chance to have his talent seen. Some other titles I would recommend is 30 Miles. Another thriller with an old TV star.

It might interest you to know that we're privy to the filmmakers who created this piece:

First of all their composer--if you can call him that--wrote the music under the influence of drugs, so that's why you hear the same loop--which is what the producers wanted to use. What do you expect of penny-pinching white trash from Miami? These jokers get into the business to make a buck on you using canned stories and cheap sweatshop labor. They don't care about the quality at all--it's all about the bottom line.

We happen to know from some LA sources that the reason this movie was botched from the beginning is 1) they had no money to pay professionals properly, 2) the had no idea how to make a movie in post. The director was hampered from the beginning by scenes that had to be cut because execs at the company were flying around the country taking 5-martini lunches.

Secondly, the director shot only 60 pages of a 90 page script, but the producers wanted to the project to exceed 90 minutes. It came up short at 71 minutes--so the editors had to find all kinds of doubled up shots from other noble films like Miami Tail and Race Exploitation Whatnot to extend this wondrous vehicle for Eva Longoria.