Rottweiler

To call this one a dog would be way too obvious a joke, but it certainly is also an odd duck of a movie. It's set in a futuristic Spain (and filmed there as well), where a prison escapee, Dante (hunky William Miller) embarks on an increasingly weird odyssey to reconnect with the girl he left behind, all the while pursued by the title canine, an unstoppable cyborg with steel teeth. Much of the story is told in flashback, as we see the sequence of events that led to this point. One has to assume that the novel "El Perro" upon which this is based makes at least some things clearer, but it's hard to say just what the screenwriters and director Brian Yuzna are thinking, as this thing often alternates between utter cheese and incredible surrealism. It's extremely laughable; that chicken reaction shot has got to be, far and away, one of the brightest moments along the way, which speaks volumes for "Rottweiler"'s W.T.F. quality. It gets awfully repetitive, with tough guy Dante surviving one encounter with his four pawed nemesis after another, and gives Miller awfully crummy dialogue, even having him say clichéd garbage like telling the dog to fry in hell. The entire episode with the mother and daughter has to been to be believed, as the lady gets a look at Mr. Miller in the buff and forces herself on the guy. That does, though, lead one to note just how much beefcake is thrust in the viewer's face, with Miller obliged to do protracted scenes of nudity. Overall, the viewer may have a hard time wondering what to make of all this. It's not without some entertainment value, but, ultimately, it's just too hard to care about this story and the characters fail to spark much interest. The dog himself is pretty cool, though, and there's a sufficient amount of gore and nastiness to give the movie some spark. If one is going to watch it for the presence of legendary Spanish horror actor Paul Naschy, note that he's in just a few scenes, but he makes the most of his screen time, delivering a delicious performance as the villain, although he can't really save it. Prospective viewers should proceed at their own risk. Four out of 10.

In 2018, in Spain, the prisoner Dante (William Miller) escapes from a prison and is chased by a robot dog. He tries to reach the city of Puerto Angel, where he left his beloved girlfriend Ula (Irene Montalà). While running away, he recalls his recent past in Spain with Ula.

I like Brian Yuzna, but the violent, bizarre and disappointing "Rottweiler" has one of the most ridiculous screenplays I have ever seen. The unpleasant story, where the political and economical situation of this future and the characters are awfully developed, has many situations not explained. We just see the lead character running most of the time tracked by a stupid dog that kills everybody. Better off sleep, since watching this movie is a pure waste of time. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Rottweiler"

Brian Yuzna's directorial career started off well with the innovative and freaky Society, followed by a serviceable sequel to Re-animator and the excellent Return of the Living Dead III; but since setting up his own production company, Fantastic Factory, in Spain, Yuzna's output has been surprisingly bad, with Rottweiler being the biggest dog of them all.

Set in the near future, the film sees a risk-taking young couple, Dante and Ula (William Miller and Irene Montalà) caught by the authorities as they play a game called 'infiltration', which calls for them to try and illegally enter a country without papers. Dante is sent to a high security prison, but is soon presented with an opportunity to escape into the surrounding wilderness, where he finds himself relentlessly pursued by a savage, cyborg tracker dog.

Admittedly, the above synopsis sounds like it could shape up to be a quality piece of sci-fi/horror entertainment—kinda like Westworld crossed with Cujo—but that is only half the story, and how the plot develops after Dante's prison break is simply insane.

However, since the sheer unpredictability of the narrative is the one of the only enjoyable aspects of the film (the other main 'positive' being the gore), I'm not going to spoil things by revealing too much, suffice to say that you should prepare yourself for some unbelievably poorly executed action, including a silly chase sequence involving numerous shots of Dante's naked ass, the least harrowing rape scene in movie history, the hilarious sight of the dog disposing of a gun (twice), and a priceless shot of a surprised chicken that is easily the best moment in the whole damn mess (the bird certainly gives a more convincing performance than the rest of the cast).

The plot synopsis of this film does not actually match the film. The narrative is all jumbled around in time and loaded down with long post dubbed dialog. Any excitement is lost in confusing flashbacks and the mentioned long long sequence of the "on the run" male lead trotting around naked.

Brian Yuzna knows how to assemble the elements to make a horror film but when he directs himself he has showed before and shows again he doesn't know how to do much with those elements. There is also the odd misplaced sexual perverse element that stops the movie dead in it's tracks, this time that is the silly nude hero sequence.

Paul Naschy, Spainish horror icon actor, doesn't have much to do here, but the overall level of professionalism doesn't make his appearance the embarrassment that his two recent made in America films were. Then again his own Rojo Sangre makes this film look even worse.

Behind the scenes footage reveals many better angles than Yuzna chose to use. Also the director of photography says he likes to use lots of big lights. This certainly shows in the film, one sequence early one looks like it was shot during the day time but then proves to be a night scene. This is only the beginning of the confusion this movie generates.

Can't they make a straight forward chase/horror film? Well whatever they are trying to make here they couldn't make that film either.

FX are pretty bad overall, dog's robo makeup mostly looks silly as do the various puppet dogs and CG Terminator rip off dog. Much of the movie is devoted to padded dialog scenes. Only visual touches that work are a couple of nice crane shots, one right near the end of the film.

Sometimes the film is bad/funny but not enough of the time to overcome the boredom and confusion of the flashback structure and stiff re-dubbed actors. The reaction shot of the chicken though is fabulous. That chicken could teach the rest of the cast a thing or two about acting. All in all a loser in all ways. The film was nearly booed off the screen when it premiered at the Belguim horror festival.

A fugitive escapes from a Spanish prison and is tracked down by a robot dog in the distant future. Oh, Brian Yuzna, why did you make this awful, awful movie? In general, I like the films he makes through his production company, Fantastic Factory. Faust, Dagon, and Beyond Re-Animator were fun, well-made horror movies. Hey, even Arachnid had its moments. But this…ouch, this was absolutely unwatchable. To start, it was boring as hell. The action was uninteresting and bland, the acting was often very poor, and the visual effects were crappy. Then of course you have our "hero" running around nude for about five minutes of screen time and one of the most tasteless sex scenes I've ever seen (I actually felt sick to my stomach during it), not to mention that even the gore is badly done and uninspired. To be fair, Yuzna gives the film a pretty decent look via desolate Spanish locations and the effects on the robot dog (From Vincent Gaustini, who was also responsible for the effects in Dogma, Requiem for a Dream and the made-for-cable adaptation of Stephen King's Thinner) weren't bad at times. Oh, and the opening title sequence was actually quite cool and creative. These three pros, unfortunately, do absolutely nothing to make the film more watchable. It's painful, terrible, and all-around bad.

Just don't see it.

1.5/10.