BloodRayne

This is singularly one of the worst films I've ever seen. After seeing a wide selection of decent horror at Fantastic Fest a few weeks ago, I expected this to have some substance because it was picked to screen at the Austin Film Festival. All I can think of is that someone must have blackmailed the programmers because it's terrible.

The dailogue is either very cliché, or very stilted (and often both). There are serious continuity issues. The gratuitous sex scene was so completely sudden it seemed like an excerpt from a porn movie. The wigs are terrible, and the costuming as bad. There is no character development, and the motivations shown on screen seem more like red herrings than anything else.

I can't think of anything redeeming about this film other than I didn't pay money just to see it.

Just kidding...just kidding!! Why, after wasting nearly 2 hours of my life watching this trash, should I waste another hour or so dissing this movie, when everything about it has already been killed stone dead by previous reviewers? Because, dear friends, I am so excited I just had to share with you my delight at finding the "worst cameo of all time", so magnificent in its awfulness that it could (with sheer effort of will) only be equalled, but never beaten.

It was Sunday. Raining. What the hell, "Bloodrayne" sounded good. Hmmm, Masden, Kingsley, Zane...can't be so bad.

After around 20 minutes or so of this "crowning turd" of a movie my "intellectual defence mechanism" automatically kicked-in and took my mind away to my next vacation, what to have for dinner, and the contents of my Partner's trousers. Sailing away on a sea of serenity(did I actually fall asleep?)I thought myself immune and totally protected from the train wreck of a movie unfolding on the other side of my eyelids. But then....wait! What's this? Snippets of dialogue totally unconnected with the Tequilla Sunrise I was drinking began to pervade my mind. Slowly at first, but growing in intensity. Warily, fearful that I may inadvertently catch another glimpse of Ben Kingsley's excruciating acting/staring, I opened one eye. Was I seeing/hearing things? I pulled myself up in the chair and opened the other eye (after assuring myself that Kingsley was nowhere to be seen). There, in front of me...what can never be described by a thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years. The root canal work of movie making, the Xanadu of awfulness....Meatloaf trying to character-act.

I checked out the other movie-goers...hmmm, not many left....and they were all, very much like myself, staring wide eyed and open mouthed at witnessing the birth of a legend. Seriously, it was like watching the first moon landing all over again. This is one piece of crap for man...a whole turd for mankind.

I am sorry that I go on a little, but I cannot find words to describe the cameo piece by Meatloaf, in fact probably such words do not exist - they must be invented - "discrapungent" - try that one. I can only try to capture the magnificent awfulness by describing the effect that it had on myself and, I suspect, the other viewers.

If you haven't seen it (and I beg you all to do so) cut along to any cinema brave enough to show it and set your alarm clock for around 50 minutes. If you have trouble sleeping at the beginning, don't worry, Ben Kingsley will stare you into blessed catatonia....trust me.

I want to strike a blow for a movie that seems to be one of the worst movies, when you follow the ratings and verdicts here. But it's easy here to rate one star without watching a movie, and also without giving one thought to.

Of course it isn't an artwork, a masterwork, or comparable to high budget productions a la Lord Of The Rings. Instead, it fits right into a solid line of straight-to-video productions, or some bigger TV Adventure movies, but is definitively enjoyable for people who don't expect a lifetime experience from Uwe Boll. But at least, one have to respect the genre outside the Tolkien realm. If not, the movie has no chance at all.

It is a simple story about a girl that wants revenge for the killing of her mother by her father, who is the most powerful Vampire, and also wants to be ruler of the world. Kristanna Loken as Rayne does a good Job being sexy, powerful and filled with hate and blood hunger. The others are OK, and Ben Kingsley does keep a low profile, because he has not very much to do except being old Ben Kingsley.

Directing is not great, I admit that, it is at max, zealous. Definitevly it is better than in any of the infamous Asylum Movies i've seen, in terms of storytelling, actors leading and so on. The only one bigger mistake is that the short history of Raynes romance with Sebastian is revealed at the end of the movie, so that the short sex scene with him looks quite unfounded.

If there wouldn't be so much blood and gore, it could pass as a movie for youngsters. I remember watching such movies (of course without gore and without nudity), when I was ten or twelve.

In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a warrior woman, half-human, half-vampire , is the main attraction at a freak-show but she she gets to escape. Afther that, she meets a fortuneteller (Geraldine Chaplin) who tells his father raped and killed her mother. Then she sets out to revenge her mother's rape by her father, Kagan ( Ben Kingsley), King of Vampires. Three vampire hunters, Sebastian (Matthew Davis), Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez) and Vladimir(Michel Madsen), from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause. Meanwhile, Rayne falls in love with Sebastian and prepares her vengeance.

This exciting movie displays unstopped action, thrills ride, spectacular fighting, graphic violence, and brief nudism with mild sex scene. It packs large amount of guts and gore , there's a huge body count, this one actually knocks off an immense amount, several vampires are staked bloodily in the chest, even more bitten with large dents. There's really savage decapitation, plenty of bodies ripped in scraps and half, including some of the most tears ever, that spill lots of blood . Most of vampires and humans victims are relegated to being bitten in the throat and neck. Magnificent special and visual effects as well as excellent make-up department. Bone-chilling and atmospheric musical score and colorful and dark cinematography ; furthermore spectacular production design .The motion picture is regularly directed by Uwe Boll . All four of the films he has realized that were based upon video games, House of the Dead (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), BloodRayne (2005) and BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007) were listed on the bottom of barrel by the reviewers. Most of the other films he's directed, including Heart of America (2002), and Blackwoods (2002) are not widely available in America, but have received similarly low ratings among those who have seen them. All technicians and some actors participate in the following : BloodRayne II with Natassia Malthe, Zack Ward and again Michel Pare, Uwe Boll's fetish's actor. Recommended to those who amuse those kind of vampire films or those enjoy in general.Rating : average though some moments is entertaining.

I almost forgot that I had seen this a month ago. I remember being excited more for the fact that Uwe Boll was in attendance so I could hear what he had to say about film-making.

Well, let's say his comments before and after the movie are revelations as to why he makes such crappy films. First off, he can't grasp why people savage his movies so much. He feels that the internet community gives him a hard time because he's German and he makes his movies with Nazi money (his quote, not mine. Of course, he was joking, right?) Secondly, he couldn't care less if the actors he has are right for the roles. In fact, finding actors is his last thing he does to secure financing for his films. Apparently, he thinks the story is strong enough to carry the film. So, this is why we end up with actors like Ben Kinglsey working alongside Michael Madsen. Really, the only thing they had was the time to do the movie and the earning of a paycheck. So, if this doesn't strike you as soulless film-making, I don't know what does. In essence, by waiting until the last possible moment to hire actors, he can make his movies with a secured budget.

Th reason why I write this is because I heard his new "epic" In the Name of the King will be a four hour film split in half like Kill Bill. This depressed me to no end. Uwe Boll really is the next Ed Wood, even though Ed Wood cared about his actors and films.