Subzero

Suddenly down comes an avalanche! how she and her colleagues get off - you dont know! the action suddenly switches to a unit ontop of another mountain that gets attacked by a small group of russians who steal something that looks like a discoloured rubiks cube, they jump on a plane, which is shot down!.....does it get better? Wouldnt know, 10-12 minutes in and we reach for an off switch and the delete button. IS this the best FREEVIEW can offer? well, if it is dont bother...other than Ms Peebles no one else in the cast was familiar.....currently, watching repeats of some UK based Comedy series....which is superior to the previously mentioned Ms Peebles stuck avoiding an avalanche!

Sure, look at the cast, look at who directed, know it's a straight to DVD release and figure the couple of bucks to rent it is a gallon of gas not in your tank. But go with the gas in your tank than the gas coming off the screen. This is just a variation on the 'Cliffhanger' story of an expert climber who loses a female climber to an accident, gives up climbing, then is coaxed back up by circumstance. In this case it is over some gimmicky Rubik's cube device that's sitting atop K2 in the Himalayas (as played by a Canadian mountain stand-in and played well). Mandylor and Peeples and a few others are hired by the President to get their butts up that mountain and retrieve that cube before the clock ticks down and it fires up satellites around the Earth to destroy the world (which is absurd since no satellites have the ability to fire laser beams that would destroy entire cities). Nia Peeples still looks good and does well as a feisty fellow climber. Nobody else makes an impression (unless you enjoy the humorously thick Natasha accent of one of the Russian climbers). There is some decent avalanche footage and other location shooting that gives the film some authenticity (none of that horrible process screen or computerized imagery). And the big finish had some good elements but it was all but killed by the stumbling direction and suspenseless score. Too bad. But I looked at the cast, and I looked at the director, knew it was a straight to DVD release, and I spent my money... so what was I thinking?

This is worth seeing, if only to provide a floor for rating all other movies. Worst of all time? Probably not. laughingly, shockingly horrible? Definitely. I was embarrassed for the actors in the movie, who must have been randomly recruited from a Greyhound terminal. I was also embarrassed for the movie Vertical Limit, which, though it is also a terrible movie in it's own right, actually made an effort, and has some entertainment value including a couple of Point Break-esquire one-liners. Sub Zero lifted almost all of it's action sequences and mountain scenes from Vertical Limit. When I say lifted, I don't mean they borrowed ideas, but rather cut-and-pasted footage. Another person wrote that one scene looked like an SNL skit, and I agree. Sub Zero is so pathetic, it is almost entertaining. But not quite.

The picture of a climber on the DVD box is what made me rent the movie. I was expecting something no worse than Cliff Hanger or Vertical Limits (both of which were ludicrous). But I knew within the first 2 minutes that this was oh-so-much-worse... The special effects are bad, the acting is bad, the script is pathetic, and the climbing... beyond laughable. Another reviewer already commented on the "crawling along the snow", the missing crampons in the crevasse, and the poor ice axe technique of the "climbers".

I'll add to that: 1) the fact that the climbers go from D.C. to K2 base camp at about 20,000ft with no acclimatization (close to instant death...); 2) they carry big, heavy non-expedition tents to Camp 1; 3) there are tire tracks all around Camp 1 (!!!); 4) they never rope up properly, and walk too close together; 5) it's windy outside, but quiet and calm inside the tent (no wind); 6) they carry Coleman gas lanterns to Camp 1 and no one has a headlamp (what real climbers use); 7) their packs and equipment are all new, and yet, all these climbers are "the world's best" with loads of experience; 8) they're not dressed like climbers (furry hood); 9) they keep referring to the fact that it's suicide to climb K2 "in this season" (winter?), yet, it's mostly sunny and apparently not very cold on the mountain (no visible "breath").

And no one - I don't care how good they are - would ever sign up to reach 23,000ft on the north face of K2, within 72 hours of sitting in an office in Washington, D.C. Not even for large sums of money.

If you're going to write a movie about climbing, wouldn't you learn SOMETHING about the sport first?

For good climbing movies, Everest (IMAX) by David Brashears, and Touching the Void (the Joe Simpson story) --- much, much, much better, even without the fake Russians and glowing Rubik's cubes...

I direct you to the plethora of reviews that point out the hilarity of the script, plot lines, acting, and stunts, the absolute impossibility of the political implications, horrible technicals in climbing (gear clothing, physical fitness, NO Sherpas, the EMP, ad infinitum) ALL add up to a totally ridiculous jaunt up a mountain chasing a glow in the dark Rubik's cube upon which the fate of the world rests.

All that being said NUMEROUS times, there is some magnificent footage of the mountains, avalanches, breathtaking, sweeping vistas that will either excite you, kick your death wish sporting sense into overdrive, make you wonder how on God's 3rd rock from the sun ANYONE considers mountaineering FUN BUT will across the board make you feel small and leave you awe struck.

If you go into this with a coupla joints, a bucket of salty buttery popcorn, a Big Gulp and absolutely nothing else to do on a cold rainy day you will not feel like you've been robbed of 90 minutes of your life -- It is what it is - a piece of straight to DVD B grade fluff made to entertain, not educate you on WMDs, mountain climbing, global political relations, or American clichés (and there are 85 minutes of clichés) - if you are looking for American Oscar worthy films, BAFTA contenders or even Golden Globe potential -- MOVE ON. if you like a train wreck of a film that will, if nothing else, entertain you - it's worth a watch... and ladies, you gotta admit the guys are HOT.....