Supermen Dönüyor

Oh The Return of Superman, how can I express in words how truly wonderful and glorious thou art? This is less a film and more a glorious, timeless tale of humanity, weaving an intricate, twisting narrative with spectacular visuals. My theory is that Shakespeare has actually been reincarnated and he came down and wrote this. Many have said to me "But isn't it terrible?" I like to hit people that say this, as they don't understand the true artistry that is displayed through subtle nuances, such as the plagiarised music or it not making sense. To conclude, this is truly the greatest thing ever made by a human and it has changed my life forever.

Really don't know why they are "trying to" copy the originals but it was very common in Turkish cinema.

I didn't have the opportunity to watch this "SUPERMEN" but frankly I have to see it. I know for sure that it will almost look, sound and feel like crap when I watch it.

Also there is another one. The copy of "The Woman In Red" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088414/) was shot by us (Turks). In fact, I have to tell the truth, I almost liked our version better. Again it was a copy but some of the scenes and especially the attitudes of people has been made compatible with our culture. This way, it feels closer if you are a cheater or have been cheated :) (I still know that it is disrespectful to the original)

Anyhow, the "SUPERMEN" is E.T. living in Metropolis and a comic hero which anyone even shouldn't try to apply for other locations or origins. I have seen many movies (but not this one) similar to this copy and they are mostly full of dirt.

Gang of thugs are after the mysterious piece of green, glowing rock known as "Krypton stone", which is the last remaining piece of Planet Krypton, and which this film tells us can turn any ordinary metal into gold when used in the correct formula. It's up to 1979 Turkish Superman (in a surprisingly well made costume) to foil their plans.

1979 Turkish Superman is technically inept, and obviously filmed on no budget, (the opening uses Christmas lights and decorations against black curtains to simulate planet Krypton and deep space, while an off-screen narrator tells us what we've missed: "gasses that mixed suddenly caused explosions and wiped it out of the Universe.") and that's a shame, because I think this film has the best story out of the trio of Superman ripoffs I've watched lately. It has a fun, Z- movie vibe to it, which elevates it, and at only 65 minutes, it's over and done with quickly, compared to the other films' 123, and 135 minutes run time. Toward the end, there is also a good showdown on a viaduct, a confrontation which results in one of the villains plunging to his death.

Tayfun Demir does fairly well as Turkish Superman, he has a good build, and handles himself well in the action scenes, intently staring at people with his cold, piercing blue/ grey eyes, before kicking massive amounts of ass. Seriously, this guy seems more like The Terminator, than Superman, and he looks a lot like B.J.Turner, from 1988's Scarecrows.

I genuinely enjoyed this one, and not in a "so bad it's good" way.

Yes, this film is so bad in so many ways it's hilarious.

I don't want to delve to the already mentioned special effect or the craptastic actors / editing / everything. Suffice it to say that this film excels in absolutely nothing and looks more of a home video filmed probably in the film makers' homes and offices with zero budget.

What interests me more was the blatant disregard for copyrights: Not just the use of Superman character, but also the soundtrack which consisted of the original Superman theme with a couple themes ripped from James Bond films. The best part (for me) was the use of Giorgio Moroder's Oscar-winning theme from "Midnight Express", a film which portrayed Turks in a bad light. Were the film makers unaware of that and they just liked the song? Funny, whatever the answer is! If copyrights were not a problem, why didn't they just show a bootleg and dub it in Turkish? Of course the original didn't have actors with Turkish amounts of mustache, but I can't really come up with other reasons.

This film also raises the questions whether it had wide release in Turkey, what did Turks think of it (then and now), and whether it was aimed for children - little kids' films can be flimsy efforts and some of the criticism would thus be moot.

Several years ago there was a news story about a group of children who made a re-enactment of The Raiders of the Lost Ark. Turkey's The Return of Superman is a spiritual cousin to the "film" those kids made. This is adults playacting in front of a camera.

There is so much wrong with the Return of Superman that one feels overwhelmed. Let us start with the special effects, which could have been in a film from the nineteen tens! The flying scenes consist of a toy on strings with bad rear projection behind it. Need more? The audience is treated to the sight of an attempt to kill Superman via a cardboard guillotine. We get fight scenes where the punches clearly fall several inches from the victim's face. Finally, in the film's most mouth dropping scene, the villains get the female journalist to pull over by shooting out one of her tires. However, this is accomplished by some poor schmuck hiding in the trunk of her car who leans far enough out of the trunk to do the dastardly deed. The mind boggles at the film's sub-Ed Wood ineptitude.

The film is not helped by either the script or the cast. The plot mostly consists of people running here and there, the Lois Lane stand in getting kidnapped, and Superman rescuing her. There are no super villains for Superman to fight, so the threat is minor. What happens if the villains get a machine that turns things into gold? Who cares!

Finally, one must address the casting of an actor even worse than Henry Cavill for the role of the caped crusader. The inexpressive Tayfun Demir plays Superman as if he was just some guy in a cape. Demir's one asset is apparently that he is tall enough to fit into the suit.

If all of this sounds amusing to a reader, then he or she might get some laughs out of the film, but I didn't. Even at sixty-eight minutes The Return of Superman feels tedious. This is Manos, the Hands of Fate territory. The 1994 Fantastic Four film is better! If you groove on this type of anti-cinema, knock yourself out, but you have been warned.