Corpses Are Forever

All the positive reviews here on imdb this film has got (which is the only place you will find any) are very suspicious, as they all sound like canned PR material from the distributor. "Destined to become a cult classic" and "good old fashioned popcorn matinee", jeesh!! Of course I should expect as much from Asylum entertainment - purveyors of schlock even Charles Band wouldn't sit through.

As soon as I saw that the films lead was also the films writer, producer, and director, I knew I was in for trouble. First of all the kid can't act, neither can anyone else in the film, save for Richard Lynch who was barely watchable himself. Bad sound, bad effects and the story just plain sucked, a mishmash of rip-offs from the matrix, total recall, and James bond. And in a film that was about 90 min, there was only about 10 min of Zombie action.

The DVD box claims "its night, dawn, and day of the dead at once" Now that implies allot of living dead action, but nope. None to be found, just the films director running around with bad martial arts, and a performance that made me wince at every word. Don't rent, buy or even consider this film if you are a living dead head. You can tell how bad it is by reading all the fake reviews here that the filmmaker and his buddies probably put up themselves.

There are only two things that save Corpses are Forever from being worse than it is. One is the reasonably well-shot and creepy prologue, the other is Richard Lynch, who sinks his teeth into his role and seems to be enjoying himself thoroughly. Which is more than can be said for the rest of the cast who either look embarrassed, are wasted or have no acting talent. Debbie Rochon is not bad but she is pretty wasted actually in that she is given next to nothing to work with. Linnea Quigley does not convince as a zombie and looks like she doesn't want to be there, and Brinkie Stevens is another actress who has very little to do. The worst of the lot though is definitely Jose Prendes in a performance so charisma-less and forced, often he makes the zombies seem more animated. And they were certainly nothing to write home about, in fact they were not scary in the slightest, all they did was lumber around as if stoned. They were also very poorly made-up- fancy-dress party zombie make-up has been much more convincing- and they even managed to feel irrelevant to the story. Prendes also writes and directs and in all honesty of all the writing/starring in/directing-by-one-person jobs from any movie Prendes for Corpses are Forever has to be down there as one of the all-time worst. The direction is completely amateurish, with all-over-the-place editing and his support and direction for the actors seemed non-existent too, you can tell by how the minor roles/extras were just wandering around looking as though they didn't have a clue what to do. His script-writing is stilted, doesn't develop the characters at all and adds ones that are completely extraneous, has a very improvised feel and has no structure and humour and banter that verge on juvenile. The awkward line-delivery doesn't help nor does the sound, sometimes you can't even hear what was being said. The storytelling is so thin on the ground that there is often very little of it at all, it is filled with plodding exposition that seemed to be solely there to pad out the running time, is very tediously paced(not in a while have I been this bored by a movie)and is often incoherent(perhaps due to that there was a lot of stringing-of-rip-offs going on). There is no fun, tension or thrills, you can go as far to say no atmosphere, and then there are action sequences that are haphazardly shot and to say that they are choreographed unimaginatively is being too kind. And the ending is too ridiculous that it is not worth commenting on, plus the most inventive Corpses are Forever ever gets are the title and taglines that are very cheesy themselves. In conclusion, not the worst The Asylum has done or the worst movie ever but it is a terrible and interminably dull one on all but one or two levels. 2/10, though it was a very tough decision as to whether to give it a 1 or a 2. Bethany Cox

I have to say that this movie was the absolute worst piece of garbage I have seen this year. There is nothing logical to be found in this movie.For instance, when joe pendez(who is a horrible actor as are the rest of the cast)is suppose to be afraid for his life because of man eating zombies (which are slow, dumb, and, fake)I noticed that he actually is smirking through it all!

The action sequences are relatively non-existent and extremely unbelievable. i.e. when the karate kid(who is a wimp)starts kicking and hitting the zombies you can tell he is at least a foot away from impact.How pathetic!

Do not go near this worthless excuse for a movie!If you do, you will be sorry. (-1,000,000 out of 5 stars)

Here's your "zombie" secret-agent "thriller" in a nutshell: There are twelve zombies that never come close to hurting a soul, no plot, bad acting and a script so bad it poses the question: If 1,000 monkeys with 1,000 typewriters were put into a room for 1,000 years, would they be able to write something better? No and yes. No, they wouldn't write anything, but Yes, the flinging of monkey dung would be better than this dog of a film. If you are an indy filmmaker, why would you work so hard and gather some B- and C-list celebs into a movie only to make a confused, worthless half-ass piece of crap? Yes, I will crap on someone's dream because I love movies. I love movies so much that it hurts me when someone makes the effort to produce something so thoroughly weak.

And here's a question: If you're a CIA agent (that looks like a nineteen year-old kid with drawn-on tattoos) in the midst of a zombie invasion, why are you driving around in a convertible Caddy? Next time, the filmmakers should have ONE story and not only a real actor, but a REAL DIRECTOR. Find someone who knows how to write, and another guy who can operate an editing device. And a non-deaf person to be your sound guy...

I've got to go set this DVD on fire.

I picked up this DVD in Hollywood Video hoping for a little zombie fix. Instead, I found myself going "Huh?"

CORPSES LAST FOREVER tries to be an original take on the zombie genre. The prologue before the credits is not bad. In black and white, we find a young man lying on the floor all bloodied. As he revives, a voice-over of his thoughts are trying to piece together what happened to him. He feels no pain, even though he has been shot and suffered a mangled leg. He grabs a gun on the floor and goes in search of his car.

OK, I was somewhat hooked at this moment.

After the opening credits roll (a take on James Bond films), we are introduced to a guy who has no idea who or where he is. But all of a sudden, he is kung-fooing some zombies who seem to be lined up left and right of center. This is where I start to groan, because these kicks and punches are NOT landing at all! I was reminded of the Elvis comeback special where Big E is showing off his martial arts moves in a musical/dance sequence where E seems to be kicking major bad-guy ass but the moves miss and the bad guys just merely jump and roll on the floor.

The plot of the movie seems to be part spy adventure, part army commando film and part devil-taking-over-the-world scenario. Zombies? Yes, there are zombies, but they seem to more fodder for the star to use his kung-foo than the driving force for the plot.

Jose Prendes wrote, directed, produced and stars in dual roles as the flashback guy and the kung-foo spy. Supposedly funded by Prendes' trust fund, the budget really shows. He seems to try and pay homage to several genres here. Several horror vets appear alongside Prendes; Richard Lynch, Debbie Rochon and Lennea Quigley (No, guys. She doesn't show any skin). Don Calfa (Ernie from ROTLD) is listed as a producer, along with Lynch. This Prendes must have some connections down there in Miami, where this was filmed.

Now the zombie action.

There is no munching, head shots or vacarious gore. NONE! The zombies only seem to stagger around while Prendes kung-foos them around and roll on the floor. Just like Elvis.