Blood Gnome

The sheer stupidity of this movie I can get past. But the fact they tried to take themselves seriously for this pile of crap I can't. You really don't want to see this movie, and if I hadn't gotten a free copy of it, I wouldn't have seen it either. Do yourself a favor, go watch Gremlins, cause this movie isn't scary, funny, or sexy. They want you to think so, but it just isn't

Julie Strain, what were you thinking????

In this unofficial sequel to Critters (or maybe it's Ghoulies), a bunch of evil latex puppets terrorize anyone foolish enough to partake in BDSM. The sad part is, there's almost an interesting idea here, but it is totally wasted. It would have been nice if the writer would have actually done some research, rather than just watching Exit to Eden a couple of times and assuming he knew anything about the fetish community.

There's a goofy walkthrough by Scream Queen Julie Strain (which may be the highlight of the movie, sad to say). This movie would make Lloyd Kaufman, Roger Corman and Charlie Band cringe.

Invisible, blood thirsty gnomes from another dimension kill people who are engaging in some S&M! Yes, really!! Utterly crazy plot with no explanation to this madness. Micro budget movie, so perhaps having the creatures invisible saved money on special effects (they can, however, been seen through the lead character's video camera & to be fair the effects are actually quite reasonable). As S&M is central to this film there is a lot of sex & nudity, which does hep detract from the awfulness of this ridiculous movie. Wooden is generally poor & in one scene a guy can be seen in the background setting up a prop. This is a seriously bad movie - I expected nothing less - but there is some fun to be had from watching it too.

I can't imagine why anybody would NOT want to see a film with a name like Blood Gnome. However, be warned: while the title and cover might lead you to expect something along the lines of a cheap Critters/Ghoulies rip-off for the 21st century, it's actually more like a BDSM promotional film that just happens to have knee-high bloodthirsty goblins from another dimension scampering about in the background. I'm serious.

The other thing about Blood Gnome is that, while undeniably entertaining in a no-budget, student film kind of way, it doesn't have an ironic or self-aware bone in its body - as evidenced by the 'Making Of' documentary, which you soon realise is a minor gem in itself as the producer and director pour praise upon their stars' "marvellous performances", the lead actors (who come off like the slower cousins of Louis Theroux and Juliette Lewis) ramble on about sleep deprivation method acting, the 'effects' people show off their atrocious puppets which can't even stand up straight yet the film shows in badly-lit close-up every chance it gets...

See it only if you know what you're getting yourself into, and relish the prospect (i.e. if you firmly believe that Slugs is one of the best comedies of all time). Don't bother if you're looking for a genuine horror flick: the only thing that's remotely scary about Blood Gnome is the idea that it could really be someone's labour of love.

"Let's start a production company. What have you always wanted to make a film about?" "Bondage. Oh, and invisible vampire muppets."

Sometimes you do wonder how some scripts ever made it to the production stage, let alone release. this is the finest example of such a film I have ever seen.

The plot ("justification for an S&M gnome film") revolves around the attempts of a crime-scene photographer to fathom the injuries suffered by individuals killed during S&M. We soon find out they were caused by killer gnomes under the dominion of a drug-dealing dominatrix. Who in turn, is under the control of a gnome producing octopus that most would expect to be contently spending its days menacing Dr. Who.

This film is farcical at best, although I do respect anyone who can sit through the whole of it without trying to attack the TV. I only watched it all myself as I was under very forceful duress.

No matter how much fun it seems to rent this film on the basis of a title that appeals to all drunken students, do not under any reason, unless you take immense pleasure in inflicting great pain on yourself and your friends.

1/10