From Justin to Kelly

Couldn't believe my eyes at this shameful, pathetic excuse for a movie. It isn't even a movie, just an excuse for the producers to squeeze a few extra dollars out of last year's American Idol finalists. I feel sorry for director Robert Iscove; not because I think his films are any good, but because this movie will permanently discredit him as a director. 1/10, and that's only because there's no '0' option.

There are bad movies. There are really bad movies. And then there's this one. Morbid curiosity compelled me to seek it out, just so I could see for myself exactly how dreadful it was. I got about eight minutes into the 'film' before I suddenly developed an overwhelming urge to run around hitting things very, very hard. Still, 'From Justin To Kelly' really is a must see flick if you have any dreams of breaking into the movies, because believe me, if utter garbage like this can be solicited, then quite literally anybody's got a shot.

And I only watched the first 25 minutes. It is inconcievable to me that anyone could make a film this hopelessly, endlessly, mind-meltingly bad. This is not a bad movie - it's a war crime. Somehow the producers actually managed to cast supporting players bad enough to make Kelly Clarkson and even the talent free Justin Guarini seem good by comparsion.

The alleged "choreography" ammounts to nothing more than frantic flailing of limbs. Accents come and go with wild abandon. The songs are, to put it charitably, forgettable. I'm surprised "American Idol" judge Randy Jackson isn't credited as a writer, because the dialouge is that witless and badly phrased.

This is the worst thing humanity has ever done.

Before Kelly Clarkson actually started producing some decent pop, this was pretty much the only product of American Idol for a bit. And what an product it was. The sheer lack of enthusiasm put forward in this movie is, to say the least, daunting.

Set during a spring break, Kelly, the clichéd Texan girl who wants to be a big singer but is stuck in a lowly bar, runs into Justin, who smiles an abnormally large amount and has a really, seriously ridiculous perm. I mean, come on. It looks like cotton candy. They both go to Florida, and watch loads of "babes" and do a bunch of PG-13 related spring break hi-jinks, of which there aren't many. Hence why they're college hi-jinks. Doi.

Anyway, after a rather dumb meet cute between Justin and Kelly, the plot, which would have difficulty filling up a 22 minute sitcom let alone this 90 minute trash fest, begins to unfold. Basically, Kelly's blonde friend wants Justin, and he wants Kelly, so to get revenge on him, she gives him her phone number, and then makes it look like Kelly doesn't care about him. I'm sure you can imagine the complex and thought provoking scenarios that this could spin out into, but don't hurt yourself.

A quick note on the musical numbers: you have a mute button. Employ it LIBERALLY. Thank you.

Obviously, From Justin to Kelly is meant for twelve year old girls, who have seen the same plot a couple of dozen times before, only this time it doesn't involve Barbie and/or Fairies (insert joke here). If you are a twelve year old girl, go rent Sleepover. It's much better than this, and it has cute boys. If you're not a twelve year old girl (which is a good thing), stay, stay away from this factory made piece of crap.

I was forced to go see this with a friend for her birthday. I knew it would be dumb but thought that it would at least be something to laugh at. It was one of those rare movies that is too bad even for perverse entertainment. As it began I thought well the story will be stupid but maybe it will have good songs. The songs were the worst part! The transitions into these musical numbers were so awkward. And the songs themselves were not remotely entertaining. Kelly comes off as likable in the movie but I grew to despise every other character in the space of 15 minutes. I don't see this becoming a cult classic. It also made me feel relieved that I never went to Florida for Spring Break. Kelly Clarkson is a sweet girl but she should stick to singing and get a new agent.