Painkiller Jane

While this is clearly not in the same league as the usual SciFi Saturday night godawful piece o'junk, with much better production values (not Bulgaria? sonofagun!) and decent acting, the story itself was a complete snore. Not an original concept in the whole thing and it just dragged on for two hours without anything really happening. Yeah, she's cute, yeah, she looks nice in leather, but Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ooops, sorry, dozed off.

I spent two hours waiting for something, anything, to happen. Oooh, goodie, a shootout. Now there's an original concept, and certainly one worth waiting for. And, ooooh, the suspense is killing me. Is she really dead? If this was a pilot, I'm not too curious about the show. If it wasn't a pilot, there's no excuse for the utter lack of story.

This is a reasonable TV pilot. I would even watch the series if only the SciFi channel would hire a military consultant to sufficiently cultivate the illusion of realism.

Here are my military complaints: (1) The uniforms do not match the depicted branch of service. (2) The mixed-gender assault element in the beginning of the film is unbelievable. (3) The Aliens-style crab-walk-with-a-rifle does not pass even school-children's idea of tactical muster.

The protagonist is believable in other respects, not to mention physically attractive without crossing the 1950's Amazon Action Heroine threshold. The directing seemed inspired, the casting excellent, and the acting well above the level demanded by the mediocre script!

Ich_Yama's SciFi-meter:

(BBB: 1 primary character)

(BEM: None)

(World: Present/near-future)

(Preference: Conspiracy theorists)

QUICK REVIEW:

Okay, maybe a 10 is a bit high, but the rating is unbelievably low! Painkiller Jane delivers an unoriginal movie about someone that gets exposed to a biochemical weapon that lets her have self-healing powers. The military tries to get her so they can cure her, but also wants to get her back under their security. Not too bad a plot, am I correct? Yes, however, it is predictable and the story is unoriginal. But that doesn't mean this is a bad movie! You won't like it if you hate cheesy movies, however, if you like cheesy movies, go grab some popcorn and enjoy this film! It's more of a cheesy popcorn movie, and it is a bit too fast paced a lot through out the movie. If this movie was a bit slower, I'd rate it a 6.6/10. But, because it's really fast paced, I rate it 6.2/10.

Yep. That review sure was short. However, I'm a bit busy right now, so maybe I'll edit the review later.

Having recently watched (and reviewed) the TV series (which I enjoyed, with some caveats), I still had a need for a little more Painkiller Jane. When you binge an enjoyable TV series - the characters, the experiences, the world that was created stay with you for a little bit on an emotional level.

While the TV series had drama, emotional highs/lows, emotional responses to characters (positive and negative) - this film offered none of that.

The plot was as basic as it gets. There was no drama, no sense of expectation, no layered or complex story-telling. It felt like a template for a plot that wasn't fleshed out; an idea scribbled on a napkin; an overused pun; business speak, small talk - predictable, empty.

If the plot didn't put you to sleep, the acting most certainly did. Everyone was cool, stoic, in control. Every interaction was cool, in control. No emotional ups or downs. No screaming, no fear, no sense of danger, no heavy breathing, no sweat, no drama, no problem. Just people talking to eachother. Even the secondary characters acted the same - cool, in control, above it all.

When you couple the total lack of emotional acting with a very linear predictable plot - it's like unwrapping a candy bar only to discover that it's plastic. You are left wanting.

Rating this a 5 because all the technical stuff is there (like mannequins on display or robots on an assembly line) but the film lacks any semblance of a soul. Would never watch this again not because it's horrific but because it's empty of everything that matters.

After watching a few episodes of the recent TV series, I expected the worst. However, this movie (the original) was surprisingly different and better. All the actors are different and the plot is actually interesting.

Basically, the story is about a female soldier who has an unexpected reaction to a chemical agent. She gains regenerative and some sort of perceptual power. The military wants to seclude, study and use her ... but she's more interested in finding out what and who is responsible for what happened to her.

The film is reasonably well acted and the plot is interesting. Her quest to find a diabolical foreign scientist who is as surprised at her situation as she is ... is interesting. Plus, he's not quite as far away as one might think.

If you're looking to pass time with a semi-decent "made-for-TV", B-level sci-fi movie, this might work for you.