Carmilla, the Lesbian Vampire

This was quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. I watched it with a large group of friends and after it was over not a one of us understood the plot. Aside from the lack of plot, the acting was atrocious, the "special effects" were not so special, and the writing was absolutely horrible. The movie's only redeeming factor is that it's so incredibly bad that it's quite funny. You can't help but laugh at a zombie being run over while actors are spewing crappy dialogue. I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone looking for a good movie, but it's something that a group of friends can get together and have a good laugh about. It's now a running joke among my friends and I. 1 out of 10.

I'm pretty sure when I watched this movie, the only way I could get through it was to assure myself that later, after seeing it, a very long shower and an eye scrub would purge my body of the sin that is seeing "Vampires VS Zombies."

Honestly, I'm pretty sure this is the worst movie ever. While watching it, I had to pause every few moments to keep my brain from exploding. The scenes did not at all move together, and it was in no way comprehensible. It seemed that the best the director did was build up to something during every scene, but that "something" was never there.

While some people say for a bad movie that the best part is the end, I would have to disagree for this one. I waited an entire 85 minutes for some sort of rejuvenation from this movie, but was only greeted by a spinning book displaying the words, "THE END." The movie's acting was like something out of a terrible video game's voice acting, and the plot I'm pretty sure didn't exist. I was glad to see that the creators could let themselves go so easily, but this doesn't even go on the list of B-movies.

I suspect that there is a secret companion film to this abomination which consists of all the "other" scenes that would, coupled with many of the scenes in this movie, form a complete porno-film. Have you actually seen a movie that made your head physically hurt? This one did.

I'm sorry, but don't ever, EVER, EVER watch Vampires vs. Zombies. Not even as a way to pass time or laugh at how bad it is. It's nearly impossible to get through.

In this strangely-lackadaisical apocalypse, the world suffers from a dual plague of zombies and vampires, but no one seems to be too worried about it in this Grade-Z film which bares less resemblance to Sheridan Le Fanu's famous short novel than my mother's lasagna recipe. Bored attendants still run gas stations and doctors still make house calls and helpful police officers still show up with radiator fluid just when you need it. The plot, and I use that term loosely, involves a father and a daughter trying to rendevous with "the general," whose daughter is missing, at a church to kill a vampire who, very conveniently, happens to be traveling with the father and daughter. I must confess that a moment or two of genuine humor can be found between vast stretches of unintentional humor. The film also boasts just enough nudity to keep a boy of fourteen interested. Anyone older beware.

I like zombie movies, and I like vampire movies, so when I saw a movie called Vampires vs Zombies, I had to rent it, even though I knew it would be low budget and probably kind of silly. One thing I absolutely demand from a movie with the title of Vampires vs Zombies and a tag line of "the war between the undead has begun", is that vampires and zombies actually fight. There might have been vampires in the movie (the ending left that ambiguous), and there were certainly zombies, but they never really fought, and there certainly wasn't a war between them. The zombies didn't seem to be of particular concern to anyone, even though you hear the occasional news report about the dead coming back to life, you don't see anyone barricading their houses, or trying to find a safe place, people mostly go about their daily business, and the zombies are a minor irritant, like mosquito's. There is some decent lesbian action, and this chick with black hair shows up in a couple of dream sequences, and she's super hot, so it kept me watching for that reason alone. The movie was really bad, and didn't deliver what the title and tag line promised, just skip it and get a lap dance instead.

I really have no idea how to comment on this movie. The special effects were lackluster, the acting was terrible and if there was a plot to it all, it was on the back of the box. I don't think I can remember a movie being THIS bad in a long time, and I'm a big fan of lesbian sex and boobies!! ;) Even that couldn't save this movie from being just a terrible excuse to pay someone to stand (or lay in this case) in front of a camera.

I was pretty much let down by the overall "zombie" effect. Since apparently in this movie, zombies are so commonplace that running over a couple here and there, and casually talking about it at a gas station (one with an in-house windshield repair but no interior bathroom), the zombie-movie genre isn't even a factor until the end. Even then, a cameo by a dozen zombies ripping off a girl's clothes doesn't really constitute being a zombie movie.

On to the vampires: Apparently all the zombies are male and all the vampires are female, which is OK by me. I'm not sure how vampires are out in the daylight, or the why/how of a soldier vampire came to be standing in the middle of the road, still holding his gun with a stake through his heart, just waiting for the Queen of the Vampires to flick it all the way through. The last segment in the old nunnery made no sense, and when one hot lesbian vampire asks the other hot lesbian vampire "Do you think we did the right thing?" by killing the two apparent heroes in the movie, that about put it over the top.

The acting and special effects were at an all-time low also. You could almost see the hoses that the fake blood was pumped out of during the closeup of the zombie who got ran over by the General. Speaking of the General, where did they find THIS Kenny Rogers look-alike anyways? No idea what he was the General of, aside of generally confusing and misplaced.

All in all, watch the movie if you have nothing better to do or if you have the strong urge to waste $3. Just my $0.02.