Riding the Bus with My Sister

This was basically your standard Lifetime network kind of drama, with one, horrid exception: Rosie O'Donnell. I hear she produced this movie, which I suppose is the best explanation for why no one on the production acted to remove her for another more qualfied actress.

Evidently Rosie subscribes to the "worst stereotypes of mentally handicapped persons" school of acting. She balls up her fists and hold them close to my chest, like some gigantic flightless bird. She juts her lower chin out, her face frozen with about as much depth of feeling as an extra in a George Romero "Living Dead" movie...and her voice. It is not an exaggeration to say, if it were used against Iraqi prisoners, it would be at the top of the Human Rights violations list. This combination croak / screech - Gilford Godfrey, part Pee-Wee Herman, and part "Which Way Did He Go, George?" - is in fact a talent; neither my wife nor I could actually reproduce this noise she was making. Mentally challenged folk do not look like this, do not talk like this. Her performance insults them.

She is an insult to acting. Watching 10 seconds of her insulted my intelligence as well as assaulted my senses. The actors who worked with her should have their therapy bills covered by the studio.

I did not like the movie because it did not have much of an ending. And because there was no real resolution between Beth and Rachel. Rachel went back to new york and got on with her life while Beth stayed where she was and her life remained the same. It would have been a better ending if Beth and Jesse moved in with each other and lived together. And if Rachel would have done something to help her sister to have a real life. Some of the people on the bus were right in a way. Beth should have got a life. There likely something she could have done as an occupation. She needed to learn if possible when to keep quiet and not say certain things. There is a lot she needed to learn and the system was not helping her learn. She had a case worker. But no indication she was helping her get a life.

I found myself torn when I was choosing a rating for this film. Of course, the easy choice (the one I went with) is to give it a 1. It is, after all, an awful, awful, awful movie. However, if you view it in the proper mindset, you may not have a better two hours watching a movie than you will watching Riding the Bus with My Sister.

First, let me explain that it's not a garden variety "let's make fun of people that are different than us" type of enjoyment. In fact, that shouldn't really be enjoyable unless you are in a room of people who know you are kidding. If you TRULY derive joy from making fun of people who are different from you, then you might want to change a few things about yourself. What makes this movie fun is that you are making fun of two HORRIBLE actors delivering two HORRIBLE performances.

Now, to expect brilliance from either Rosie O'Donnell or Andie McDowell is probably akin to Sisyphus' struggle--you're going to be disappointed repeatedly when you don't find brilliance. This film might just be the best example that Andie McDowell's best acting was in make-up commercials and Rosie O'Donnell's best acting is done with the TV on mute.

I'll start with Rosie. I believe I read somewhere that her performance sounded like an Asian comedian doing a horrible impression of a combination of Pee Wee Herman and Adam Sandler. That's pretty close, only without comedic intent that such an impression would carry with it. What makes her performance laughable is the thought that I had while watching it--she is probably proud of this performance. There is literally only one line she delivers that is NOT delivered in the same manner as all the others. Most are given with a word screamed somewhere in the middle of the sentence while she gives herself an intentional facial contortion that makes her seem like she is making fun of mentally handicapped people. She also never stops rocking or moving her feet. And her hands remain in the same position the entire film. It's a farce. I look at it and I think, "How could anyone be seriously moved by this?" But that was clearly the intent. Failure by Rosie on every possible front.

Andie McDowell. Well, she is fine (and by "fine" I mean she doesn't single handedly ruin the film) when she is only asked to be mildly attractive with a southern drawl. If you ask her to do more than that, she is going to let you down. Well, they asked her to do a whole lot more than that in this film. She failed. Repeatedly. Egregiously. I am in the camp that thinks her performance is even worse than Rosie, because at least Rosie was being different than Rosie is in real life. This was Andie McDowell as we have always seen her. Trouble is, in Groudhog Day she is required to be mildly attractive with a southern drawl, in this movie she is required to have a character arc. Her arc goes from acting like she's tired (which is my favorite of her scenes. Watch how you can almost tangibly see her say "what do I do when I am tired. I know. I yawn and stretch.") to saying she loves her sister. The character NEVER changes. She reacts to these two events with the same exact reactions. Inflection, apparently, is something she thinks you can cover up with L'Oreal.

I could go on, but what's the point. These are the two central performances in the film and they are laughably bad from start to finish. That's the key, though. They are LAUGHABLY bad. So watch this movie and laugh at it. Don't feel bad, either. You're not laughing at people who are different than you. You are laughing at AWFUL actresses, although I HOPE they are different from you as well.

Unfortunately the directing gene was not passed down from John Huston to his daughter Anjelica Huston, who clearly has no idea what the hell she is doing and can't modulate Rosie O'Donnell's performance from reaching heights so over the top, it soars through the stratosphere. Hallmark films don't scream quality, but this scrapes some truly horrible depths. The film can never rise above Rosie O'Donnell, who belts out every line and seems to be channeling the worst stereotypes of mentally disabled people, that the film ends up feeling like a parody of the disabled. It's like she ate a handful of amphetamines before each scene and was let loose, never being told to bring it down about 50 notches and that she's making a fool of herself. The script is derivative nonsense, but it's her monstrous performance that makes the film worth viewing for condescending laughs - without Rosie O'Donnell this film would never have become the morbid curiosity it is.

This movie is based on a biography (book) by the same name. If you're reading this review, you should go read the book whether or not you have seen the movie. Once you've read the book, you can better judge the screen adaptation. It will give you an idea of why Rosie acted the way she did. Beth's mannerisms and speech patterns were similar to those portrayed in the book. Her boyfriend is portrayed similarly, perhaps a little more introverted. Someone else has written in their review that this is a movie about autism. Beth is developmentally disabled in some way, but neither the book nor the movie ever specifically mention autism or Asperger's disorder. The sisters, bus drivers, and other characters in this movie are all real. Enjoy your reading.