Gil: You know what tabasco's good for? Keep you hard. Yeah. Only you gotta stick it up your ass. I'll tell you how I find out about that... I was doing a scene and it was supposed to be a two girl scene, right?
[to Cheryl]
Gil: You mind if I, uh... you don't mind?...
Cheryl David: [uncomfortably] Oh... your house...
Gil: I mean, you guys have heard half these stories, you guys are all right... so I'm doing this scene, it's supposed to be two girls, and I keep waiting, we keep waiting for the other girl to show up, and I'm fucking this girl for three hours...
[all the guests laugh except Larry and Cheryl]
Gil: ...mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, pounding, pounding, for hours and hours and hours, and then all of a sudden after a couple hours, it feels like some chick's teabagging me, right?
Gil's Wife: [referring to Cheryl] Yeah, you should fill her in on teabagging, though. I'm sure she'd... maybe you do, maybe you don't...
Gil: You know what teabagging is? When a woman sucks your balls, she's teabagging you...
Gil's Wife: Or a man...
Gil: But um... so I feel that and I think that other girl's shown up. And then I feel her fingers on my balls, and I'm not even looking, I'm just so... I'm half asleep. But I turn around, it's not the girl, it is the biggest crew guy we got is playing with my balls!
[all are laughing except Larry and Cheryl]
Gil: And my wood starts going down, you know? And I haven't even shot yet! And, and, and I go, "I'm going down, going down!" And this guy goes "I'll take care of it." He runs over to the craft service table, he comes back, his finger is red. STICKS it up my ass, TABASCO sauce, YOWWW!
[all roaring with laughter except Larry and Cheryl]
Gil: And I stayed hard for another two hours, because all the blood just goes... ohhhh...
Gil's Wife: I've been begging him to let us use it.
Gil: I was renowned for being able to stay hard, for hours. That's what I could do. I wasn't the biggest, right, but I could stay hard the longest.
Gil's Wife: OK, everyone, let's have a little dessert, everyone please in the other room, bring your glasses, but leave your plates, please do not touch your plates.
[all the guests depart except Larry and a disgusted-looking Cheryl]
Cheryl David: [emphatically] I want to go home, *now*.
Larry David: Maybe we could stop and pick up some tabasco.
