Vivian Banks: Who is in charge here?
Sergeant: I am.
Vivian Banks: Let those kids out.
Sergeant: These kids are car thieves.
Vivian Banks: And you have made a big mistake. Now, I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them, but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone. This has got to be the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.!
Policeman: Could you ask your wife to calm down?
Vivian Banks: Calm yourself, Barney Fife.
Phillip Banks: Vivian, please. Now officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.
Sergeant: Could you please sit down? We're busy now.
Vivian Banks: [removing earrings] Oh, honey, we're about to get very busy up in here.
Sergeant: [Threateningly] Sit down!
Phillip Banks: Hey! You don't talk to my wife like that.
Sergeant: Now, wait a minute, buddy, who the hell do you think you're talking to?
Phillip Banks: Who the hell do *you* think you're talking to?
Henry Furth: [walking in] What's going on here?
Sergeant: Can I help you, sir?
Henry Furth: I'm Henry Furth.
Sergeant: Good news, Mr. Furth. Your car is safe and sound, and we've got the perpetrators.
Henry Furth: Those aren't the perpetrators. Those are my partner's son and nephew.
Sergeant: [turns to Uncle Phil] Partner?
Phillip Banks: *Legal* partner. I've got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from these two young men, did they have a lawyer present? No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No. Because we're their parents. So, officer, don't tell us to wait, and don't tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out of there, or I'm going to tie this place up in so much litigation that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!
