Death in the Family/The Merciful/Class of '99/Witches' Feast

'A Death In The Family' - A fugitive young man with a bullet wound finds sanctuary in a funeral parlor run by a lonely man who takes his job to heart... Small but effective tale is more sad than creepy.

'The Merciful' - One spouse walls up the other, but who is sealing up who? Mildly amusing short is all about the (visual) punch line.

'Class Of '99' - Vincent Price shines as a no-nonsense teacher in a "future" academy dealing with androids where not everything is as it seems... Best tale of the four hits a dramatic knockout.

'Witches' Feast' - Thought-lost tale should have stayed lost, as it's a perfectly dreadful example of all set-up with no payoff.

To start with, this viewer must say that he watched this episode on DVD, where the final 'Witches Feast' segment was replaced with another story entirely, 'Satisfaction Guaranteed'. He cannot comment on the episode as it originally aired back in '71.

As for the rest:

'Death in the Family'. The wonderful E.G. Marshall (whom horror fans know as Upson Pratt in "Creepshow") is Mr. Soames, a funeral home director accosted in his place of business by young murderer Doran (Desi Arnaz, Jr.). Doran is in for a surprise when he sees that he sees that there is actually no safe haven here. Mr. Soames, you see, is an eccentric who has certain ideas about what to do with dead individuals. Scripted by Rod Serling, based on Miriam Allen DeFords' story, this is pretty good, but delivers no earthshaking revelations. Some good atmosphere, in any event.

'The Merciful'. An "original" by series producer Jack Laird (this is obviously inspired by Edgar Allan Poe), this has a loving wife (Imogene Coca) walling up her husband (King Donovan) for supposedly compassionate reasons. The revelation is amusing, if not a great one, and this at least represents something of an improvement over a previous Laird-scripted comic vignette, 'Miss Lovecraft Sent Me'). Ms. Coca is a delight.

'Class of '99'. This is far and away the standout segment of this episode, and is a Serling original, showing off his great ear for dialogue and talent for intelligent rumination on the idea of human nature. Vincent Price is an officious professor, presiding over the final exam for his students. Brandon de Wilde, the young boy from "Shane" all grown up, is one of them. It's worth it all just for Serling's delicious reveal, which may actually catch the viewer by surprise. The episode really cooks once we get to a confrontation between two students, one white and one black, and we think about instinctual reactions to being provoked.

Finally, 'Satisfaction Guaranteed'. Another original by Laird. Victor Buono plays a pompous schlub who wants a young woman for some unknown purpose, while an employment agency proprietress (Cathleen Cordell) parades some efficient young ladies before him. Once a certain character comes through the door, and Buono's eyes light up, you see what he's really going for. Overall, this short segment is amusing, and shows that Laird was showing some (very mild) improvement in terms of his writing. But Buono is the real reason to watch.

Look for various familiar faces turning up throughout: James B. Sikking, Hunter von Leer, Randolph Mantooth, Soon-Tek Oh, etc.

The *real* twist here is that all four of these segments were directed by the same man for once, Jeannot Szwarc ("Jaws 2", "Somewhere in Time"), who worked on 19 episodes of the series in total.

Seven out of 10.

E. G. Marshall stars in "Death in the Family." No, not the James Agee classic but the story of a funeral director who doesn't want to let his clients go. He invites them to a party. He has an entire family set up at a table, to celebrate a birthday. Apparently, empty caskets are being put in the ground (they are the poor and dissolute) and he keeps the bodies. There is no mention of taxidermy, but they seem quite well preserved. Along comes Desi Arnaz, Jr., a murderer who has been shot and is being pursued by the police. He realizes his wound may be fatal. Marshall invites him in and takes care of him. Anyway, we can see it coming. This is quite a unique episode.

"The Merciful" is a new version of Poe's "A Cask of Amontillado." Enough said about that.

"The Class of '99" features a final oral exam for a group of attractive graduate students. They are asked extremely hard questions and answer them flawlessly. Well, almost. One is only able to give three of four answers and is maligned for it. The teacher is Vincent Price and he holds forth with an ugly disdain and absolute power over them. Part of their exam is to deal with issues of bigotry and hate and act "appropriately" when confronting these things. It gets really ugly at times. The conclusion explains what is at issue here. For me, this was the best of the three.

Finally, "Satisfaction Guaranteed" (which doesn't appear at the top of this page but is definitely in this collection) is about an overweight man, played by Victor Buono, who is at a secretarial agency, trying to choose an employee. The company guarantees satisfaction. so? Anyway, it probably ranks as one of the silliest episodes. But watching Buono was always a great treat.

A Death in the Family sees Mr. Soames (E. G. Marshall), owner of a funeral parlour, resolving his loneliness by creating a 'family' of corpses to keep him company. The latest addition to his family is to be fatally wounded criminal Doran (Desi Arnaz Jr.) who breaks into the funeral home. It's a macabre but touching tale -- kinda like if Ed Gein was well-meaning and misunderstood -- and the sight of cadavers assembled around a table wearing party hats is wonderfully ghoulish (and would be repeated for the 1981 slasher film Happy Birthday To Me).

The Merciful is one of those pointless, supposedly amusing horror shorts that are used to pad out an episode. A woman bricks up her husband in the basement, or does she? It's predictable stuff.

Class of '99 stars Vincent Price as an examiner, grading students on their knowledge and ability to react to situations in the approved manner. It's not exactly thrilling stuff, that not even Price can save, but it's always fun to see an inaccurate 'futuristic' prediction of a year that has since passed.

Satisfaction Guaranteed doesn't satisfy. Victor Buono plays a wealthy man looking for a secretary, but she must meet his very exacting criteria. Another black comedy short, this one is plain daft.

Brandon deWilde, Vincent Price and Randolph Mantooth gave fine performances. They all did, and so did the Asian guy (Mr. Chang"?)who was part of the dialogue, and his was not a bit part. Yet the production people chose to ignore him. Hollywood racism at its best, you must make noise to get a fair shake.

It should also be noted that when the student recited an equation for momentum (m*v) of a rocket, he cited a correction factor for fuel loss, ln(e). I don't know what these guys were smoking but that smart Asian kid would tell you that ln(e^x) = x

So 8 for the acting and 4 for the writing.