The Girl in Lovers Lane

This is another honorable mention, this is a lame crime drama. Ok, not exactly a crime drama more like a drama. It's not really that bad of an idea except it has no edge, Danny along with the main character referred to in the episode as Big Stupid (how ironic) are both a little dumb in fact a lot of dumb things happen in film. Most of the people in town are dumb as the true culprit is so obvious even a novice detective can pick him out a mile away. Though that's what's also inconsistent in the film, the creep is clearly not on the level inside and out so why the hell did the girl's dad hire this guy, let alone he's breaking the law as clear as day thought most of the film, where the hell were the cops on those times, let alone why didn't anyone call them. Also, the ending rendering everything they went though in the film pointless or at least something more should have been there. You can say this film is sort of another crappy Lifetime movie but done in the 50s.

Other than that, the MST crew are as usual at there best in the worst circumstances. There are a lot of memorable riffs and moments. One of my favorite scenes is when they react to the oncoming train coming toward them on screen. A somewhat erotic scene where a woman whom is slightly hot walks in wearing nothing but a towel, really love what both Crow and Servo say which are some of my favorite riffs; I'll admit that scene is probably the only good thing about the movie. But one of the highlights was seeing the MST crew sing a song while the theme was playing which makes this another one of my favorite in-movie songs from MST.

Host segments are solid, from the country song Joel, Crow, and Servo sing which isn't one of my favorite songs in the show but fun and funny all the same. Though one host segment which is one of my favorites of the Bad Doctor and Frank. Both present an event calendar called Evil Event Days, they probably should have renamed it Painful Event Days because each of those events look like they could really hurt. Each of the events they say out just crack me up, though there is one big problem with this scheme, how are they going to make it legalized?

So, get on the wrong line to drive to a good time.

Rating: 3 and a half stars

The Girl in Lovers' Lane: 3 out of 10: Homoerotic subtext in the movies is a well known phenomenon. Plenty of dissertations have come out of film schools about the hidden subtexts in such films as Top Gun and Spartacus. The Girl in Lover’s Lane certainly fits the homoerotic trope. In fact, it is so blatant and over the top even MST3K, whom rarely notes such things in their riffing, simply cannot avoid it.

The film is about two drifters. One a rich kid (Lowell Brown) running away from home with a hundred dollars and no street smarts, the other is a professional hobo (Brett Halsey). The hobo saves the kid from a gang of thugs and they end up in a small town consisting of a diner, a pool hall and a whorehouse. Our drifter scholar gets a second look from the diner’s waitress (Joyce Meadows as the titular Girl in Lovers Lane) who clearly is past the age of being choosy and whose only other prospect is creepy Jack Elam doing a Steve Buscemi impression.

On the surface, this seems like a strange film for the MST3K treatment. While the cast are to old for the characters they are playing, the acting is actually pretty good with both Brett Halsey and Jack Elam giving solid performances. The story is slight, but hardly The Robot vs. Aztec Mummy material and the production values are cheap back lot, but relatively competent.

It is the strange Batman and his ward homosexual undercurrents that make this film both awful and hilarious. Halsey’s over the top objections to the kids attempts to get laid in the whorehouse are hilarious, his inability to commit to the waitress (or at the least get past first base) are telling, and the dozens of glances between him and the kid; a hand on shoulder, the sleeping arrangements, blowing off dates with the girl so he and the kid can shave each other. You don’t have to be Freud to figure out this undercurrent.

"Mystery Science Theater 3000" The Girl in Lovers' Lane (Season 6, Episode 9): 9 out of 10: I am not sure this film would be funny on its own, but with the Joel and the robots it is a hilarious classic. This is simply some of the best non-stop riffing of the Joel years and one of the best overall episodes. I am shocked how well this movie works as MST3K material. It is well worth the watch for MST3K veterans and newbies alike.